To Retire or Not To Retire
by iwannagibbs
Summary: A Jethro and Holly Snow love story. After Diane's death Jethro begins to think about retiring. How will that affect their relationship? Contains spoilers for last season from Diane's death to the end of the season. M rating is for a couple of scenes but overall T is more appropriate.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** This is a Holly Snow and Jethro love story that I thought would be a just a short little number. It grew and has taken up most of my summer. It's all written and I hope to have it all posted in the next week. I had hoped to have it all up before Tuesday the 22nd but that won't happen because it's too long and it's already Sunday night. However these will be fairly long chapters and short intervals between postings. As always, when medical stuff appears don't get too caught up in it and its correctness. May be a little OOC for Jethro but who knows what he'd be like if he was happy? Hope you enjoy.

 **To Retire or Not to Retire**

Chapter One

 _Jethro got in his truck and pulled out his phone._

Once he had the phone in hand he saw it was turned off. He remembered he had turned it off when he left town and only turned it on a couple of times since then. When it was turned on once he got a call from Alex asking him to come talk to her and that was why he was sitting in his truck in the parking lot of her office. He started the truck so the heater would kick in and looked at the phone. He had seven missed calls and three messages all of which he had seen before but ignored. Before he pulled out of the parking lot he listened to the messages. The first one was from DiNozzo, the second from Ducky and the last one was from Holly. That one he paid attention to.

" _Jethro, I'm worried about you. I've called you three times and finally called Ducky who said he doesn't know where you are. Please call me."_

That was exactly what he was planning to do. Jethro backed out as he punched in Holly's speed dial number. He hoped she was home because after spending a couple of hours talking to Alex he really wanted to see her. She answered on the second ring.

"Jethro? Finally! Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. Been out of town for a few days. Are you home? I'd like to see you."

"Yes, I'm home. Come over, I want to see you too. Are you sure you're alright?"

"I'm good. I'll be there in about twenty minutes."

"Have you eaten? I could get something ready."

"I ate a while ago. Don't worry about me, Holly. I just want to see you. I'm on my way."

"Okay. See you soon."

Holly Snow and Jethro had been friends for several years now and more than just friends for almost two years. Theirs was certainly not a conventional relationship partly because he is a Federal Agent and she is a famous, former madam in DC. She is no longer in the business and in fact is now very successfully working in the private, non-profit sector so their being together doesn't break any rules or regulations. Holly isn't sure they would care about rules or regulations at this point anyway. She knew she certainly didn't and Jethro had never been a strictly by-the-book sort of fellow anyway. Sometimes she wondered how he had managed to succeed in the Marine Corps and as an NCIS agent when both of those organizations were fairly strict about following the rules.

She and Jethro enjoyed a robust life together though few of their friends or co-workers knew they were a couple. They traveled together, spent the majority of their time away from work together, and enjoyed just being at home with each other. To Holly's great delight, Jethro was well read, was a good cook and very easy to be with. He was also a wonderful lover; very thoughtful and attentive, and she doubted she would ever have enough of him. She was careful with her feelings where men were concerned but over the past year she had slowly but surely fallen in love with this complex contradiction of a man. There was nothing to be done about it and Holly was content with their situation just as it was.

As he drove toward Holly's condo in Roslyn, Jethro tried to put some of his conversation with Alex out of his mind. It had been a good thing to meet with her and talk about what had happened in the last week but now he wanted to concentrate on Holly and what was next. Diane's murder still haunted him of course but for the rest of tonight he didn't want that to be the main topic. He wanted what Alex had said he needed; comfort. Alex was a confidant and a very important person in Jethro's life but they both knew she couldn't offer him what Holly did. Jethro trusted Alex with all his secrets and all his hurts but he had given Holly his heart and that was a lot different. He was okay with telling Holly the bare bones of what had happened but he didn't want her to hear all the ugliness of the last week. She was certainly capable of hearing it and handling it but Jethro just didn't want her to be exposed to all he dealt with. It was hard to put some of the bad stuff out of your mind once you'd heard it and he figured why put that in her head if he didn't have to. Besides, talking was not what he wanted to do with Holly tonight.

Holly lived in a very secure condominium complex and tonight Jethro was glad she was in a safe place. There was a nagging thought in the back of his mind that her closeness to him might put her in some danger. They would have to talk about that. Later. Jethro arrived and punched in the security code for the parking garage. Getting out of his truck he caught a glimpse of himself in the window and was glad the security guard in the lobby knew him because he realized he looked pretty rough. Not like the sort of fellow who would be allowed in the place unless he was known. Sure enough when he stepped through the lobby doors and approached the bank of elevators the guard spoke up.

"Damn Gibbs you look like hell!"

"You should see the other guy. How's it going Ben?"

"All good. You okay?"

"Yeah. Just a little misunderstanding."

"Right. Have a good night, Gibbs."

"Thanks Ben."

Jethro stepped into the elevator and pushed the button for the fifth floor. He was suddenly very tired. The elevator arrived on Holly's floor and Jethro made his way to her door. He knocked and then used his key to go in.

"Hey?"

Holly appeared from the living room and boy was she a sight for sore eyes. She was wearing dark brown slacks and a cream colored v-neck sweater, her hair was down and she had on almost no makeup. Jethro noticed she was wearing the silver starfish earrings he bought her in Puerto Rico a few months ago. She was beautiful. Jethro smiled as she approached him and tried to keep the worried look off her face.

"I know, I look a mess. Sorry."

"Don't say that. You do look a mess but I don't care. I'm just happy to see you."

Holly stepped into his space, wrapped her arms around him and held on tight. Jethro ran his fingers through her hair and breathed in her scent; something barely flowery with a hint of musk. He loved it and knew she wore it whenever she knew he was coming. Holly loosened her grip and took his face in her hands looking deep into his blue eyes. She loved getting lost in there but tonight she saw a lot of hurt and exhaustion lurking in those baby blues. She kissed him. Soft, barely-there kisses all over his face paying particular, gentle attention to the bruises, before she settled on his mouth and kissed him in a way that told him how very glad she was to have him there.

Jethro let his hands roam up her back and then under the sweater to stroke her soft skin. She was making some low noises as he touched her and Jethro pushed her against the wall and took the kiss to another level. When they had to have a breath, Jethro kissed his way down her throat and over to a point under her ear that he loved to nibble on. Holly was pulling at him trying to get closer but they were already as close as they could be. She tugged his head back around and kissed him again, urging him on, pushing her tongue in his mouth and tasting him to her heart's content. Jethro pushed against her with his hips and she knew they probably needed to get out of the hallway pretty soon.

Eventually they had to have some real breaths so they reluctantly pulled apart. Holly ran her fingers carefully over his bruised face and kissed him lightly on each eye.

"I'm glad you're here, Jethro."

"I can tell." There was just a hint of laughter, the first he'd been able to muster in a while.

"Are you hurt anywhere else?"

"No."

He hadn't relinquished his grip on her and he leaned in to kiss her softly on the mouth. He wanted to tell her how much she meant to him but the words wouldn't come. They would later but right now he was reduced to feeling and needing; he was all talked out.

"Would you like a drink? I have been so worried about you. I know about Diane and I'm very sorry. Let's go sit down."

She took him by the hand and led him into the living room. Jethro loved this condo. It was expensive and very tastefully decorated but it had a very comfortable and relaxed feeling. The furniture was plush and inviting, there were lots of shelves full of all kinds of books and a couple of beautiful paintings on the walls. Jethro felt at home here. The kitchen had all the modern conveniences you could ask for and the bedroom had a king size bed that he really liked. But the best part of the whole place-besides the owner of course-was the shower. Holly had the best shower Jethro had ever seen. It was huge and had water outlets coming from all directions. There was even a bench seat at the back that had water jets at just the right spots for your back. Needless to say, they used the shower a lot and not just for bathing. There was also a spa tub that was really more like a two-person hot tub. Used that a lot too.

Holly sank onto the couch and pulled Jethro down with her. He thought he might not be able to get up again. She snuggled in close to him and rested her head on his shoulder.

"Let's just sit here for a little bit, okay?"

"Sure, you just let me know what you want to do. It's all about you tonight, Jethro."

Jethro loved being alone and quiet like this with Holly. He was a very tactile person and he liked having his hands on the woman he was with. He liked that she wanted lots of physical contact too. Jethro liked a lot of things about Holly Snow of course. He liked the way they fit together, both comfortable with silence and careful about keeping their personal lives under the radar. He liked that she made him laugh and she never pried when he wanted to be alone. Those times were less and less frequent but there were still times when he needed to be in his basement alone to work things out in his mind. Lately, he had come to realize he more often wanted to be here, with Holly, to work things out. She was a good listener with a knack for understanding people and seeing different angles to situations. He appreciated that they were friends before they became lovers and they had always been honest with each other even when that honesty was painful. He had told her about Shannon and Kelly in the very beginning and she had taken that horrible story in stride. In short, Jethro loved Holly and was as happy and content as he could ever remember being.

About ten seconds before he was going to be sound asleep, Holly's phone rang. She groaned and pulled herself up to go find the accursed device. Jethro shook himself and stood up. Holly was standing by the fireplace with the phone to her ear. He whispered to her that he was going to go take a shower. Holly covered the phone and beckoned him to her with an elegant finger.

"I'll be in there soon."

"I won't hurry then." He kissed her on the cheek and disappeared down the hall to the master bathroom.

Jethro began shedding his clothes as he walked down the hall to the bedroom. He had been wearing the same thing for days and suddenly wondered how Holly could stand to be close to him. He dropped his shirts on the floor of the bathroom, toed off his boots and stepped out of his pants, underwear and socks. Then he stepped into his favorite room in the house; the shower. Along the back wall was a cubby type shelf holding two kinds of shower gel, shampoo, shave cream and razors. There was one of each for him and one of each for Holly plus some other stuff for her that Jethro assumed helped her smell and look so damn good all the time. He turned on the water as hot as he could stand it and let it beat down from the rainwater head in the ceiling. After a while he grabbed some shaving gel and a razor and using the anti-fog mirror, he set about getting rid of several days growth of beard. Once he was clean-shaven he rinsed off his face and reached for the shower gel and a scrub thingy. He never knew what to call those nylon scrubbers but he liked them; especially when Holly was using it on him. He wondered how much longer the phone call would last. Before that question got completely through his brain the lady in question stepped into the shower.

"You started without me."

"Just shaved, still plenty for you to help with."

Holly stepped up close to him and let her fingers glide over his freshly shaven face. There were few things in life Holly enjoyed more than having her hands on Jethro Gibbs and having her hands on him when they were both naked was the best of the best.

"You know I kinda like you with a few days of scruff. I like how it feels when I kiss you."

"Didn't want to get you all roughed up."

"Really? You know I like it when you "rough me up". She had a glint in her eyes and a big smile on her face.

"Oh don't worry I plan to do some of that. Don't like to leave whisker burn on you."

Jethro's hands were busy exploring the curves and soft skin he knew so well. He was already hard and aching for her but he wanted to make this last.

"That's what make-up is for, love; to hide evidence."

"Not worried about some place you use make-up."

Holly laughed out loud and closed the small distance that had been separating them. She kissed her way across his chest and teased a nipple with her tongue while her hands cupped his ass and pulled him against her. She could feel his cock hard between them and she wanted him desperately. Jethro raised her head with his thumbs under her chin and his fingers tunneling into her hair. He kissed her hard and deep, devouring her as he pushed her back against the tile. Hot water was shooting at them from three sides but neither of them even noticed. All that existed in that moment was the two of them.

Holly reached between them and wrapped her hand around him, stroking him and directing him between her legs. She had been so afraid for him for the last few days and so fearful she'd never have this again.

"I need you now, please, Jethro. I need you so much."

He hitched her left leg around his hip and entered her without hesitation. They had done this innumerable times and it never got old. He loved shower sex even if it was sometimes a bit dangerous. Jethro had plenty of strength to hold onto her and the enjoyment was well worth the risk.

Holly let her head fall back against the tile and Jethro thrust into her slowly at first and then quickened his pace as he raised her up just a fraction to improve his angle. Holly cried out at the new position and he doubled his intensity, kissing and biting her neck while she dug her nails into his shoulders and made lots of appreciative noises. She opened her eyes and found Jethro watching her with a small smile on his face. She leaned into his mouth and kissed him, her tongue mimicking what he was doing to her with his cock.

"Don't stop, don't ever stop, babe."

His response was to bury himself even deeper inside her. He moved one of his hands from holding her ass around to stroke her as he continued to move in and out of her, urging her on to her release.

"Oh god, just keep touching me there, I'm coming. Come with me Jethro."

"I'm with you. Just let go, I've got you."

He circled her clit and rubbed her hard and she exploded around him. Jethro stopped moving for just a moment then, holding her firmly with both hands he thrust into her twice more before spilling himself inside her. He held her in his arms until they were both breathing normally then moved back to the middle of the shower taking her with him.

"You okay?"

"Better than okay. I've been so worried about you. Why didn't you call me?"

"You were in New York. It was crazy and I needed to just get away. Sorry I worried you."

Holly picked up the scrubber and squirted some of his shower gel onto it then ran it over his back and shoulders. She worked her way around to his chest and took her time making sure every inch of him was clean. She was letting her hand wander down to stroke his cock when he grasped her wrist carefully and stopped her.

"My turn."

Jethro poured some shower gel into his palm, rubbed his hands together and proceeded to cover every inch of the beautiful woman in front of him. He spent extra time on her breasts and while he made sure her back and her butt were nice and clean he took the opportunity to kiss her again. He pulled her legs up carefully washing each one in turn. When his hand descended to wash her vagina she didn't stop him. He gently stroked her, pulling her under the water at the same time to wash away the soap. Holly had her arms around his neck and she ran one foot up the back of his leg while she enjoyed his touches.

"Let's take this to the bed, okay?" Jethro looked at her with sleepy eyes and Holly knew he needed sleep more than he needed sex at the moment.

"Yes, that is a very good idea. You look like you need about ten hours of sleep, my love."

"I probably do but I figure I have maybe just enough awake time left to make love to you once before I pass out. You interested in that?"

"What do you think?"

"I think we better get started then."

They rinsed off and Jethro turned off the water as Holly stepped out to get them towels. They dried each other off, sort of, and Holly took a few minutes to dry her hair. Jethro went into the bedroom, turned down the bed and sat on the side of the bed watching Holly brush out her hair and get it dry. She turned to look at him, sitting there naked and half asleep. She was surprised he didn't fall over.

"What happened to your handsome face, Jethro?"

"Fornell. He was pretty torn up about Diane."

"He blames you?"

"Yeah."

"You blame you?"

Jethro looked at her standing there holding a hair dryer in one hand, a brush in the other, completely nude and looking very worried about him. He felt a rush of almost overwhelming affection for this beautiful, compassionate, very intelligent and very powerful woman. He wondered what in the hell she saw in him.

"Some. Hard not to. Workin' on it."

"Have you talked to Alex about this?"

"Tonight. Called you from her parking lot."

"So, you being here tonight is her idea?" There was just a tiny bit of an edge in the question.

Jethro heard the edge so he got up and walked into the bathroom. He stood behind Holly and moving her hair to one side he kissed her on the shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her and looked at the two of them in the mirror. Holly put down the dryer and the brush and put her hands on his. She leaned back against him and their eyes met in the reflection of the mirror

"No. My being here is because I love you and I missed you and I needed to be with you. She did remind me that you deserve my honesty and my willingness to let you in for the bad stuff. You know Alex and I have a relationship that is nothing like what you and I have."

"Yes, I do know that and I'm glad you have her. I'm sorry for the bitchy way I asked that question. It was totally uncalled for. Please don't ever try to protect me from what's going on with you."

Jethro rested his chin on the top of her head and smiled at her.

"I promise. Now, if you don't come to bed with me right now you're going to miss out on the fun part of going to bed."

Holly reached over and turned off the light. She shifted around to face him then slipped out of his grip and ran for the bed. She jumped on the bed and laid down on her back with her arms spread. She was laughing at him and it was the best sound he'd heard in a week. Jethro wasted no time pouncing on her and the "fun part" got underway.

Sometimes with Jethro and Holly sex was more about sex than about making love. They both enjoyed it rough sometimes, urgent and demanding of each other. That was not what it was tonight. The urgency that Jethro had felt when he arrived had been taken care of in the shower. Holly's overwhelming desire had been sated and she was able to enjoy going slower with him this time. Jethro kissed her over and over, barely letting her catch her breath before he was back for more. His hands, big and rough from hard work, were gentle as he explored the body beneath him. He knew every place that drove her mad and every place that made her laugh and he spent time on each one of them. He kissed and tasted every bit of her and when he was finished she could barely breathe.

They spoke very little when they were together like this; what was there to say when the person you loved was giving you everything you could ever want just by touching you and loving you? When Jethro finally entered her, Holly wrapped herself around him and told him she loved him. She didn't last long because he had spent so much time driving her mad. When her orgasm washed over them, Jethro wasn't far behind and when Holly raked her nails down his back and thrust up to meet him he was gone. He held himself over her and gently sucked one nipple as he emptied himself into her. Then he collapsed, careful not to let all his weight fall on her. Once their bodies began to return to normal, Jethro pulled her against him and kissed her softly.

Holly rested her head on his shoulder, their legs tangled and her arm slung across his chest. She kissed his jaw and caressed his face carefully.

"Go to sleep, lover boy."

Jethro didn't need to be told twice. He tightened his grip on her and before she knew it he was sound asleep. Holly lovingly ran her fingers through the soft hair on his chest and settled against him, pulling the covers over their cooling bodies. She didn't fall asleep immediately. Instead she lay snuggled up with her lover and thought about their night. Jethro's lovemaking tonight reminded her of the time right after his father's death. Holly closed her eyes and let her tired mind wander back to those days many months before.

 _It was a Tuesday and Holly had planned to fix dinner for them at Jethro's house because he wanted to work on the doll house he was building for Amira's birthday. He and the team had been working crazy hours so he hadn't had much time at home and the birthday was fast approaching. She arrived at the house in the late afternoon and was surprised to see Jethro's car in the driveway. He was so rarely home before six or seven she was immediately afraid something was wrong. She entered the house using her key-the door was always locked now that she and Jethro were together so much-and found Jethro sitting on the couch. She had her hands full of grocery bags so she took them to the kitchen then went back to sit down and find out what was going on._

" _Jethro, are you alright? What are you doing home?"_

 _When he looked at her she could see tears in his eyes and she knew immediately it was Jackson. No one else could evoke this kind of emotion in Jethro. Holly was very fond of Jethro's dad and she felt sick with apprehension about what he was going to say._

" _Tell me." She reached for his hands and squeezed, offering her support._

" _Dad's gone. A stroke this morning."_

 _She pulled him into a hug and couldn't help the tears that ran down her cheeks._

" _Oh, baby I'm sorry. So, so sorry."_

 _Jethro held onto her but he forced his tears back. He wasn't ready for that yet._

" _I need to go to Stillwater and take care of things. I'll be gone a couple of days probably."_

" _Do you want me to come with you?"_

" _I do but I think I better go alone. I need to absorb this, Holly and figure out what to do with the store and everything. Give me a couple of days and then come up. Okay?"_

" _Of course. Whatever you need, Jethro you know that. What can I do to help you?"_

" _Let's have dinner like we planned. I'm going down to work on the doll house. I'll leave early in the morning."_

 _The rest of the evening, Jethro was his old, stoic self. He talked only very briefly about his dad a couple of times but mostly he was silent. Holly had met Jackson when she and Jethro first became serious about each other and she was very fond of him. He told her the last time they were in Stillwater that he was very happy she and Jethro were together. He said he hadn't seen his son so happy in a very long time. That made Holly feel good and she would always be grateful that Jack had shared that with her._

 _Jethro had left early the next morning but they talked on the phone several times over the next two days. Holly was going up for the funeral even though it would mean other people would realize she and Jethro were more than just old acquaintances. Unfortunately, the morning she was to leave, Holly woke up with a terrible stomach bug. She was sick for next two days and was barely able to move from the bed to the bathroom and back again, so of course going to Stillwater was out of the question. She was terribly disappointed not to be there for Jethro but there was nothing to be done about it. She wondered if he was at least somewhat relieved not to have their relationship out in the open just yet. He wasn't ashamed or embarrassed about them being together but he fiercely guarded his private life and having her at his father's funeral would likely have caused more talk than he wanted to deal with. Holly didn't care about people knowing but she too, liked her privacy._

 _Jethro stayed another two days after the funeral to clear out the house and take care of the legal aspects of turning the store over to the young man who had been working for Jackson when he died. Jethro had asked Holly her opinion of what he wanted to do which pleased her more than she could say. She told him she thought it was a fine idea and one Jackson would be happy with. By the time Jethro finally got back to DC, Holly was feeling her old self. She had dinner ready when he walked in the door of the condo._

 _They stood together, wrapped in each other's arms in the middle of the kitchen for along time. Jethro didn't say anything for the longest time until finally he told he'd missed her and asked how she was feeling. She assured him she was fine. They ate supper and cleaned up the kitchen together, talking about Stillwater, what Jethro had done about different things and then nothing at all. Before they could get out of the kitchen Jethro's phone rang and he had to go to work. Holly didn't see him again for a couple of days._

 _The next time Holly saw Jethro was in the basement of his house. She went over looking for him because he wasn't answering his phone and when she had called Ducky, he said Jethro wasn't at work. She found him sitting on a stool with a jar of bourbon in his hand. He was staring at a small, wooden boat that was propped up on an overturned miter box. He looked up at her and smiled when she stepped off the bottom stair._

" _Hey."_

" _Hey yourself. I was worried. You didn't answer your phone."_

 _Jethro pulled his phone out of his pocket and looked at it._

" _It's off. Sorry. You know you shouldn't worry about me."_

" _Maybe not but I do. Tough case?"_

" _Nothing unusual. Just took too long."_

 _She pointed at the small boat. "What's this?"_

" _My dad and I built it when I was about eight or nine. I tied a string on the bow and pulled it around the lake behind our house." His voice broke then and he barely managed to say, "Named it after my mom."_

 _Holly stepped between his knees and Jethro wrapped his arms around her waist. He laid his head on her chest and cried for the first time since Leon had told him Jack was dead. Holly rubbed his back and held him while he finally let his grief and loneliness come flooding out. She bent her head down and kissed the top of his head. They stayed like that for a few minutes until Jethro sat back and wiped his eyes. Holly slipped off her heels which meant they were almost eye to eye with Jethro seated on the tall stool. She leaned in and kissed him and Jethro wasted no time at all taking the kiss to a serious level. His hands slipped up under her top and Holly leaned in closer. The kiss went on and on until finally Jethro let her catch her breath. He didn't let go of her though and his mouth was ghosting over her neck and jaw and very soon back to her mouth. This went on for a while until Holly pulled away enough to be able to speak._

" _Maybe we should take this upstairs."_

" _Yes, we should. I have something I want to say first. I've wanted to tell you this for a while but I just haven't been able to. I guess the last few days have made me realize I shouldn't keep stopping myself."_

" _Sounds serious." Holly had her hands on either side of head, running her fingers through his hair. The look in his eyes told her he was indeed serious about whatever it was he wanted to say._

" _Is to me." Jethro framed her face with his big hands and softly ran his thumbs across her cheekbones. He could never get enough of looking at this woman; she was so beautiful and he always felt better when he was with her no matter what the day, or night, had thrown at him._

 _He leaned into her and kissed her a sweet, clingy kiss on the mouth. Then he looked her right in the eyes and said, "I love you, Holly."_

 _Holly blinked away a sudden rush of tears and closed her eyes to keep them at bay. When she opened her eyes and looked at Jethro she saw the absolute truth of what he'd said reflected in his eyes. It wasn't the first time he'd said those words to her but it was the first time he'd said them while he had clothes on. Holly had learned a long time ago to pay little or no attention to what a man said in the throes of passion. Jethro had certainly whispered his 'I love yous' to her while he had her pinned to the bed, or the wall of the shower or the kitchen counter, but he'd never said it without sex being involved. This declaration meant everything to Holly._

" _Oh Jethro. I love you too, you know that, right?"_

" _Yeah, I know. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to tell you how I feel."_

" _Why were you stopping yourself before?"_

" _Scared I guess."_

" _About?"_

" _What comes next. What do I do about it?"_

" _Next you take me upstairs and show me what you mean! You don't have to do anything, Jethro. We're fine the way we are and you being able to say how you feel shouldn't change that. Not unless we want it to. I'm happy with the life we have together. Are you?"_

" _Yes. I haven't been this happy in a very long time. I don't want to change anything. I just wanted you to know how much you mean to me, Holly. I wanted you to hear me say, I love you, when I'm dressed and sober!_

 _That earned him a light punch in the chest and very sweet kiss. That night didn't signal any great change in their relationship but it did signal the addition of another layer to their care for each other. Without knowing it, Holly had been waiting for Jethro to tell her he loved her and now that he had she allowed herself to relax and enjoy their relationship even more. She wasn't really bothered by their shared desire for secrecy but sometimes she admitted to herself that she wished they could be more open about their life together. Maybe someday she told her herself._

Holly felt Jethro becoming restless in the bed beside her and she was drawn from her memories back to the present. She slipped out of bed and went to the bathroom, returning a moment later with two pills and a glass of water. She sat down on the side of the bed and put her hand carefully on Jethro's shoulder. She called his name and when he stilled and opened his eyes she knew it was a bad dream that had caused his restlessness.

Holding out her hand with the pills in her palm she said, "Here, take these. They'll help you relax and sleep."

"What are they?"

"Just benadryl. I promise you'll wake up on time and ready to go."

"I was asleep."

"Just barely. You're very restless and you need to relax. Trust me. I take them all the time when you're not here."

That got his attention. He took the pills and swallowed some water to wash them down.

"Come back to bed."

Holly turned off the light in the bathroom and got back into bed. She let Jethro pull her close and she kissed him on the cheek.

"Why do you take pills when I'm not here?"

"I don't sleep as well when you're not here."

"I'm not sure if that makes me feel good or not."

"It doesn't have to make you feel any way. It's just a fact; you have spoiled me for sleeping alone."

"Well, I guess for your health I better try and sleep with you more often."

"That would be a very fine solution. Now, you go to sleep. I know you want to get back to work tomorrow."

"Yeah, I need to talk to you about that. Tomorrow."

"Okay."

She kissed him on the mouth and settled into his side.

"Go to sleep. I love you."

"Love you back."

Between the benadryl working it's magic and having the woman he loved snuggled in his arms, Jethro was asleep in about thirty seconds. Holly listened to his soft snoring and felt him completely relaxed all around her and she too, drifted off to sleep.

When Jethro woke up the next morning at six thirty, he was alone in the bed. He stretched and rolled over to discover his bed mate was gone. The sheets were cool so she'd been up for a while. Jethro went into the bathroom, relieved himself, brushed his teeth and pulled on some sweat pants and a tee shirt. He went in search of Holly and hot coffee, finding both in the kitchen. He stepped behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Morning."

"Good morning handsome. You slept well, I gather."

"Sure did. Thanks."

Holly turned in his arms and kissed him lightly on the mouth.

"Any time. Want some breakfast before you go?"

"Only if you promise to share a shower with me after."

"I think that can be arranged. Sit down and tell my what happened between you and Fornell. If you want to."

Jethro poured himself a cup of coffee and sat at the breakfast bar while Holly started breakfast. He sighed and absently rubbed his jaw where Fornell had punched him. It was still a bit tender.

"He came into autopsy and punched me before I even knew what was happening. He was pretty messed up about Diane. Can't say I blame him."

Holly turned from the stove and looked at him. He saw her watching him and knew she was waiting for the rest of the story. She seemed able to read him as well as any woman he'd ever been with. That bothered him for about four minutes when he first realized it and after that he kinda liked it. It meant he didn't have to waste a lot of time telling her stuff because she already had it figured out.

"What else, Jethro?"

She asked with an easy, interested tone that always got him talking. It said she cared about him, not just about what happened but about what it meant to him. When she turned back to tend to the eggs he told her the rest of it.

"He told me to stay away from Emily. Told me not to talk to her at all about what happened to her mom. Told me I wasn't to have any contact with her at all. That hurt a lot more than getting punched in the face."

"Yes, I'm sure it did. He'll take that back when he calms down, don't you think?"

"That's what Alex said. I hope he does."

"He will."

Holly plated the eggs and pulled the toast out of the toaster and put it all on the bar along with a bowl of strawberries. She sat down next to Jethro and they ate in easy silence. As he put down his fork after finishing his breakfast, Jethro sighed and leaned over to kiss Holly on the side of her head.

"We need to talk about the next few days. I'm worried about you being targeted by Sergei."

"You think he knows about me?"

There was no fear or concern in her voice. Not for the first time, Jethro marveled at her calm demeanor in the face of what could be a rather significant threat.

"I have to think he does. Can you leave town for a few days?"

"Yes."

"That was too easy. What's the catch?"

Holly smiled at him and reached up to wipe toast crumbs from his chin. It was fairly unusual that she could surprise Jethro and it always pleased her when she did.

"I was actually planning to be away this week but when all this happened I changed my plans so I could be here for you. I can change them back if you think I need to be gone. Although, I don't really like the idea of not being here with you."

"I'll be working non-stop until this guy is caught. I don't want to worry about you and I will if you're here. What plans did you change?"

"I was going to spend a few days in Tampa working with a group starting a shelter there and then go see Sarah in Sanibel for a long weekend. She has the condo for the month and invited me down last week when I told her about the meeting in Tampa."

"I think you should go. I hope we catch this guy in the next few days but I'll feel a lot better if you're not here to be a target."

Holly turned on her seat to face him and reached for his hands.

"I'll go on one condition. You promise to come down when you've caught him. Spend some time with me at the beach."

"Not sure Sarah would appreciate that."

"This is her last week there; she has to get back to Chicago next Monday. She has the option of keeping the condo for an additional week though so if you'll join me I'll take her option and stay."

"Deal."

Jethro leaned in and kissed her. When he pulled back he rested his forehead on hers and breathed her in.

"I love you so much. You are much too good to me, Holly."

"I don't think so. Jethro, you are the best man I know. I love you and being with you makes me happier than I have ever been."

Just then his phone rang and Jethro walked into the living room to talk to DiNozzo. Holly cleared up the breakfast dishes and as Jethro tossed his phone onto the couch she walked past him, grabbed his hand and pulled him along to the shower. It wasn't nearly as much fun as it had been last night because Jethro had to get going but still they managed a fair amount of kissing and touching along with the more traditional shower activity.

As they were dressing Jethro began getting into work mode; trying his best to close out the life he shared with Holly so he could concentrate on what he needed to do in the next few days. Most of the time his two lives complemented each other but at times like these; with a really difficult case, he often still needed to shut out everything but the work.

"Call me when you have your travel plans set. If you're going out anywhere call me and let me know, okay?"

"I will. I don't think I need to go anywhere so I'll get on the phone and get my plans settled. Promise me you'll be careful."

"I will."

"You have a plan?"

"Workin' on it. DiNozzo thinks they have a lead. Do you think you'll leave today?"

"If I can. I need to check with the woman who called me last week to make sure they still want me to work with them."

"I hope it didn't mess things up for you to stay here."

"It didn't. I'm sure I can still be of some help. They want to open a shelter modeled after the one we have going here so I imagine they'll still want to meet. Being here with you is more important than anything else anyway."

Jethro pulled on his boots then he wrapped his arms around her and held her close for a long couple of minutes. He nuzzled her hair and then kissed her.

"Call me before you leave. I'll see you this weekend."

"I'll call. You better be in Florida by Saturday or I'll come looking for you!"

"I'll be there. You be ready for lots of lovin' and very little else."

Holly kissed him and held on. She had a bad feeling about this guy Jethro was chasing.

"Promise me you'll be careful. I'm scared about this guy, Jethro."

"Nothing to be scared of. He's just like any other bad guy; he'll screw up and we'll get him. I won't let him keep me from you. Don't worry."

"I love you."

"Love you more. I gotta go. Call me."

Jethro left her standing in the bedroom and walked out. She heard the door close and only then did she let her tears fall. Despite his assurances, Holly was afraid. She knew Jethro was very competent and his team was as well but this guy seemed hell bent on hurting Jethro in any way he could before he killed him. That seemed to Holly to make him doubly dangerous. She shook herself and forced herself to get busy with her plans. If Jethro said he'd see her in Florida on Saturday then he'd be there. She had to believe that.

As reluctant as he was to leave Holly, Jethro knew he had to get back to work. His leaving and being out of touch with his team for several days was highly unusual but he hadn't felt he had any choice at the time. The killing of Diane had shaken him badly and he had needed time to come to grips with it and get his head together. Talking to Alex had helped and then having time with the woman he loved had helped some more. Now he was ready to get some justice for Diane and the other people Sergei had killed or hurt. He had four days to find the dirt bag before he was expected in Florida. Jethro hated to disappoint Holly so he didn't intend to miss that deadline.

DiNozzo met his boss as Jethro walked from his car to the front entrance of the Navy Yard. They talked about the lead Tony and McGee had developed in the past two days. There was no mention of the fact Tony had seen Jethro coming out of Alex's building the evening before. No mention of the fact that at the time Jethro had looked quite a bit worse for the wear. Tony did notice that his boss looked a helluva lot better this morning; he had shaved, bathed and apparently eaten well and slept well. In short, he looked like the Boss was supposed to look. Before they went inside DiNozzo stopped and Jethro looked at him in anticipation of hearing some questions about last night's brief encounter. DiNozzo had questions but they weren't about last night. It was hard to surprise Leroy Jethro Gibbs but Tony did so this morning.

"Boss, I've been thinking and…"

"Uh oh."

"You probably already have this covered but, well, I'm just wondering…"

"Spit it out DiNozzo."

"Do you think we should put some protection on Ms. Snow? You know with Sergei targeting people close to you, I'm thinking she might be in some danger. You probably already thought of that but just in case you didn't…"

Tony noticed his boss was looking at him but not saying anything. It seemed the Bossman was speechless. Not entirely a new phenomenon but not usually caused by anything Tony said.

"Boss?"

"Why would you, uh, how do you know about Holly?"

"Well, I've seen you two together a few times. You know out together eating and stuff. Palmer saw you and Ms. Snow at the Kennedy Center a few months ago and McGee saw the two of you at Tyson's a couple of weeks ago. It's a small city, Boss. We all know you're together. Plus, you, well you're happy. You've let you hair grow out a little bit and your wardrobe has taken a step up. We all think it's great by the way. So, should we be protecting her?"

Jethro was stunned. He really had no idea his team was aware of his relationship with Holly. He was also relieved. They hadn't exactly been hiding but he always felt just a bit restricted when they were out together. Now he wouldn't.

"It's taken care of. She's leaving for Florida on business today. Staying there until we catch this guy."

"Okay, good. Well, let's go catch him so she can come home."

"Abby?"

"Oh yeah. She was pretty worked up for a while but we convinced her to keep it to herself. She saw the two of you having dinner in Old Towne one night. Not sure she liked the idea at first which is probably why she didn't say anything to you. She's cool with it now. You know whatever makes you happy makes her happy."

Jethro just shook his head. He realized he had been much less observant about his team than he ever imagined he could be. He began to wonder what else he'd missed. Nothing important he hoped.

They started for the entrance but Jethro stopped and put his hand on Tony's arm stopping him.

"Thanks for asking Tony."

"No problem Boss."

They spent the morning going over all the evidence again but the conclusions were the same; they knew who the killer was but had no idea where he was. Jethro sent everyone out for lunch and he went down to talk to Ducky.

"Ah, Jethro, no real progress I assume?"

"You assume correctly. Got a few minutes, Duck?"

"Of course. How can I help you, my friend?"

Jethro sat down on the nearest autopsy table and rubbed his hands over his face. He was tired. And worried. The night spent with Holly had provided a brief revival of his energy but the morning spent in fruitless search for a killer had sapped most of that energy and now he was feeling the effects of too many sleepless nights and the unrelenting sense of failure this case caused him. When he didn't speak for long moments, Ducky took the initiative.

"Jethro, have you seen Ms. Snow since you got back to town?"

"Spent the night there last night. That's the only thing holding me together at the moment." He paused for a moment before adding, "Tony told me this morning they all know about the two of us."

"Yes, they figured it out a few weeks ago. Took them longer than I expected. Apparently you are not as covert as you were in the beginning."

Jethro just sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. Ducky was beginning to worry.

"Is that a problem for you?"

"No, I'm actually relieved. Kinda tired of feeling like I'm sneaking around all the time. Still don't want to advertise it but I'm glad they know. Tony was outside Alex's office last night when I left there. Probably have to explain that someday too."

"I doubt it. Tony is completely loyal to you Jethro. He won't mention it to anyone nor do I think he will ask you about it. Was she helpful?"

"Yeah. She fed me and listened to me. She helps. Holly was great, just worried and a little bit scared I think. Seems it takes two women to keep me going these days."

"You're lucky to have them. Now, what is your plan to deal with Sergei?"

"Wish I knew. Probably have to get the Russians on board somehow. Leon's workin' on that right now."

Doctor Mallard studied his friend and wondered what was really bothering him; beyond the obvious. He had known Jethro for many years and had seen him through many terrible times in their lives. The work they did was often dangerous and almost always emotionally challenging. Between that and Jethro's often difficult personal life, things could get tricky. The appearance of Jethro's second wife at the beginning of their current case had been both a surprise and an unwelcome distraction. Now, with Diane having been killed right in front of him, Jethro was undoubtedly working at the edge of his sanity. Having Holly Snow in his life would be a help but no one woman could be expected to navigate the minefield this situation had become for Jethro. Every turn this case took had thrown past tragedies in his face and Ducky knew it would take a long time for his friend to recover from these past several days.

Jethro was a complicated man who often tried the patience of even the old Scotsman. Ducky loved Jethro like a son so when Jethro was hurting, Ducky felt it as well. The fact that Ms. Snow was now a constant in his friend's life was something that gave Ducky hope that Jethro could finally manage to hold onto some happiness in his life. This case though, seemed to be exacting a terrible price on his friend.

"Have you seen Fornell since he was here?"

"No. Have you?"

"No. I suspect he is spending all his time with Emily."

At the mention of the young girl's name, Ducky saw a shadow pass over Jethro's face. He knew that Agent Fornell's insistence that Jethro stay away from her was yet another sadness for Gibbs to deal with. Another person Jethro felt responsible for was in middle of this terrible case.

"He will relent in his demand that you stay away from her, Jethro. I'm sure of it. And if he doesn't, I suspect Emily will find her way to you even without her father's permission. She loves you and she will need you now."

"Not sure that would be a good idea. I don't want to get between Fornell and his child. Maybe I'm not the person she needs right now anyway."

"Jethro, do not for a moment believe you are not important to that child and someone she needs. You are not to blame for what happened to Diane and I will not stand here and let you go down that path! I know these past days have been terribly difficult but you must draw on your considerable will and focus on what has to be done now. Once Sergei is dealt with there will be time to deal with all the fallout."

Jethro stood up and sighed. He started towards the door but stopped and turned back to Ducky. He started pacing back and forth between the desk and the door. He knew he needed to get back to work but there was something gnawing at him; something he needed to talk about with Ducky.

"What's really on your mind Jethro?"

"I just wonder if maybe it's not time to say, enough. Holly is going to Florida more or less to hide out from a maniac who wants to torture me before he kills me. He's using innocent people and people I care out to do that. Kate, Jenny, Mike, even Laura Macy, all dead because someone was after me. I can't keep doing this. I love Holly and I won't put her in the line of fire. Maybe it's time to walk away."

Ducky was somewhat surprised by what Jethro was saying but he couldn't say he disagreed. Maybe it was time for Jethro to retire and enjoy life with a beautiful woman who loved him. He might even say he thought it was a good idea.

"Well, perhaps you're right. But not just yet. Not until you have taken care of this bastard once and for all. Then, and only then, might it be time for you to consider how to spend the rest of your time. How best to enjoy the life you and Holly seem to be building."

Jethro smiled at his friend. He knew Ducky would understand. Just then his phone buzzed and he saw it was Holly calling. He flipped the phone open and Ducky saw him relax just a little bit. He stepped out of the room to give Jethro some privacy.

"Hey, Ducky and I were just talking about you."

"All good things I hope."

"Of course. Did you get a flight?"

"Yes, I'm heading for the airport in about twenty minutes. How are you? Any progress?"

"None. I wish I could take you to the airport but…"

"No, Paul is coming to take me. You catch this bastard and then come join me."

"That's the plan. Tell Paul I said thanks."

"I'll call you when I get settled this evening. I have a meeting in the morning and then we'll be busy most of the week but I'll keep in touch with you."

"Holly," Jethro had to stop and take a breath, his emotions were threatening to overtake him. "I'm sorry about this. I never want you to be in danger because of me."

"Hey, it's okay babe. I understand and it's really okay."

Jethro took some deep breaths. "I love you so much. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to you Holly."

It had been a while since Holly had heard Jethro so emotional. She knew this case was very difficult but she was sensing something else going on as well. She knew though, this was not the time to ask him any questions.

"Jethro, nothing is going to happen to me. Paul will make sure I get on the plane safely. I'll call you when I get to the hotel. You know I can take care of myself right?"

"I know but I don't want you to have to. That's my job."

There it was; the protective gene was rearing its head. Holly knew she needed to lighten the mood.

"Well, that's part of your job but certainly not all of it. We'll talk about your job description when you get here. Okay?"

"Okay. I'm just stressing about this case and I miss you already."

"Then I suggest you get back to work and catch the guy so you can get on a plane and come see me. I love you Jethro. I'll see you in a few days. Be careful."

"I will. I love you too. Bye."

Jethro stood in the quiet of the autopsy suite and said a silent prayer asking a God he only rarely spoke to anymore, to keep Holly safe. Somewhere deep in his soul, Jethro was sure Holly Snow was the last woman he was going to love and he didn't want to lose her. He wanted to have a lot more time with her. Finally he shook himself and headed back to work.

Ducky met him in the hallway.

"Everything alright?"

"Yes, she's on the way to the airport in an hour or so."

"By herself?"

"No, Paul's taking her."

"Paul?"

"He was Holly's bodyguard back in the day. Now he runs security at the office and the women's shelter. I trust him."

"Good. Now, Jethro, you know she's safe so don't be distracted. Focus on what you need to do. I don't want to have to call Ms. Snow and tell her you're in hospital again!"

"Me either. I'm on it Duck. Don't worry."

Jethro went out for coffee then spent the next hour with Director Vance in MTAC trying to come up with a plan of action. While he was busy with that Holly was safely on her way to National Airport. As she often did when she was worried about Jethro, she called Ducky to check on him. Ducky answered on the first ring and Holly wondered if he was expecting her call.

"Ducky, hello it's Holly."

"Yes, my dear I wondered if you'd be calling. He's fine."

"I really must call you too often! He sounded very emotional a while ago. Is everything alright? I mean as alright as it can be under the circumstances."

"Yes, I think so. Jethro is worried about you of course but he seemed to feel better after you called. Of course he's over tired and desperately wants to catch this madman he's chasing."

"I hope he'll be careful but I doubt that's really in his DNA."

"No, I don't think careful is what we can expect but don't worry, he'll have a plan and his team will make sure it works as it should. Knowing you are safe will help him focus, I'm sure."

"Well, I'll be out of town until he catches this guy so I hope it doesn't take more than the week. Jethro promised me he'd join me in Florida when it's over."

"That's a splendid idea. With any luck you'll be seeing him by the weekend."

"Good. Ducky, you will call me if anything happens won't you?"

"You know I will, my dear but I don't expect to be making that call."

"I hope not. Thank you Ducky. Goodbye."

When Jethro left MTAC his team was still gone so he went out for coffee and fresh air. The idea of leaving NCIS was relatively new for Jethro but he was certainly willing to entertain it now. He couldn't foresee having Holly out of his life anytime soon and he certainly wasn't comfortable putting her in any danger. The losses were just piling up and Jethro was beginning to believe he might actually be ready to retire sooner rather than later. The other idea niggling at his brain was that he wanted Holly living with him full time or vice versa. He was getting too old for the "dating" routine or the back and forth living arrangement they now had. He was ready to settle down or commit or whatever you wanted to call it. But first he had to catch Sergei.

The team worked almost non-stop for the next two days but their progress was miniscule. Jethro was getting frustrated, the director was getting impatient and the team was exhausted. Jethro began to wonder if he was going to make to Florida on Saturday or not. He sent his team home late Wednesday night and he and Director Vance met in the Director's office with the Russian lawyer who had "offered to help" them find Sergei. He had an idea to lure Sergei out of hiding and after hearing him lay out the plan, Jethro agreed it might work. Of course it meant Jethro would be the bait but he was willing to let that happen. They all agreed to let the Russian put his plan into motion and Jethro went home to get ready for the next couple of days when the plan would go into action and either he or Sergei would wind up dead.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the review and follows. I appreciate each one.

 **To Retire or Not to Retire**

 **Chapter Two**

On Thursday morning as the team and Gibbs were working at their desks, Gibbs' phone rang.

"Yeah, Gibbs."

"Agent Gibbs, this is Karen Watts, I'm the school counselor at Potomac High School. I'm calling about Emily Fornell."

"Is she alright? What's going on?" Gibbs was instantly worried for obvious reasons and because the woman on the phone sounded worried herself.

"She's not injured if that's what you mean but she's very upset this morning. I've tried her father but am unable to reach him and Emily is asking for you."

Jethro was torn. He wanted to help Emily but he didn't want to go against the fact that Tobias had told him in no uncertain terms to stay away from his daughter.

"I'm not sure that would be a good idea. Her father might not appreciate it right now."

"Emily said that might be the case. Agent Gibbs, you are the emergency contact on Emily's card so technically you are the one we are required to call. Does that help you?"

"Tell Emily I'm on my way."

As he got up to leave, Jethro told the team to keep working on finding some trail that would lead them to Sergei. He wasn't convinced their Russian "ally" was going to actually help them.

When Jethro got to the high school Emily was waiting for him in the counselor's office. She had been crying and as soon as she saw him she launched herself into his arms and burst into tears. Jethro's heart broke all over again at the realization that he was, at least in his opinion, responsible for the pain this young girl was suffering. He held her and tried to reassure her that things would be okay. That wasn't easy to do when he wasn't all that sure himself. Finally, Emily took a few shuddering breaths and pulled back from him.

"I'm sorry, Gibbs. I just needed to see you."

"It's okay, Em. Wanna tell me what's goin' on?"

The counselor gave Emily a quick pat on the arm and said she'd let them talk.

When they were alone, Emily sat down and pulled Jethro onto the small couch with her.

"It's my dad. He's probably home passed out. He's drinking all the time, Gibbs and it scares me. He's really messed up. I can't take care of him. I need you to help him."

"Not sure he'd want me to. He's pretty angry with me right now."

"I know but you have to know he still needs you for a friend. What happened to mom isn't your fault you know. You do know that right?"

Emily looked at him with her mother's eyes and Jethro was afraid to speak. He hated himself in that moment and he didn't understand why Emily didn't hate him too.

"I didn't kill her but it was about me Emily. I can't deny that. Your dad is right to be angry with me. You too."

"That's stupid! That guy Sergei killed my mom! That's who you guys should be mad at, not you. I know about what my dad said to you and I don't care. I love you Uncle Gibbs and I won't stop just because my dad wants me too. He doesn't really anyway. He's just really messed up and I need you to help him get right. Please tell me you'll go over there and make him straighten up."

"That's a pretty big job, Em. Are you sure he wants to get straightened out?"

"No but he has to anyway. He needs to help you get Sergei, Gibbs. You have to make him understand he has to take care of me now."

"He loves you Em and he'll take care of you. He just needs some time. It's hard."

"Gibbs, I know you and my mom didn't work out but she still loved you in a way. She and my dad were getting it together but it was still kinda weird you know? He's so messed up right now he can't even see straight. Will you help him?"

"Course I will. When did you get so smart young lady?"

In a very small voice Emily responded, "just a few days ago."

Jethro pulled her into a hug and had to fight back his own tears. Being with Emily was always a double edged sword of happiness and pain for Jethro. He missed his own daughter and he often wondered if he and Diane could have survived if he had been willing to have a child with her. Emily was a lot like Diane in some ways and Jethro knew that would both help and hurt her father.

Once Jethro had agreed to go see her father, Emily calmed down and said she was ready to go back to class. She headed off down the hall and Mrs. Watts walked with Jethro to the front door of the school.

"How's she doing? Besides today I mean."

"Remarkably well actually. Emily is a very bright young lady and has a strong spirit. I keep a pretty close eye on her but so far she's managing it all with a lot of grace and courage."

"I'm not surprised. Thank you for calling me."

"I'm glad you could come. Emily said you'd be here but I know sometimes things can't be done just because we want to. It was good to meet you Agent Gibbs."

"You too. Thanks for looking out for Emily."

Jethro drove to Diane's house where Fornell had been staying most of the time since he and Diane decided to try their relationship again. He wondered what he'd find when he got there. Jethro had never known Tobias to be irresponsible but the situation they were in now was certainly much different than anything they had ever encountered. He just hoped his old friend would listen to him and not punch him in the jaw again. Jethro sat in the driveway for a few minutes unsure about how to approach the situation. Instead of going in without a plan he decided to call Holly for advice. The idea that he acknowledged, even to himself that he needed and wanted her advice, was a testament to how much Jethro trusted Holly.

"Hello Jethro. Are you calling to tell me you're on your way?"

"No, sorry. I need some advice. Got a minute? Or two?"

"Of course. What's going on?"

"It's Tobias." Jethro went on to tell Holly about his being called to the school and his talk with Emily.

"I'm sitting in the driveway at the house and I'm not sure how to go about helping Emily. And her father. Got any ideas?"

Holly didn't answer for a few moments and Jethro began to wonder if he had lost the connection. He looked at his phone and saw the call was still open. Finally Holly spoke.

"Is there any way you can use his help, however minimal, to catch Sergei?"

"I'm not sure. We're working on something and I might be able to at least let him in on it." Jethro stopped short of telling her what they were planning because he knew she would be opposed to him using himself as bait.

"Here's my thought. Tobias needs to DO something. He needs to be part of whatever happens to Sergei in order to feel like he helped get justice for Diane. You understand that. Jethro, you're going to have to get him to talk to you. He needs you because you understand what he's feeling. And, of course he has to stop drinking and think about his child. I would guess that thinking about her is part of his problem. He's not sure he can do what has to be done now; raise his daughter without her mother. That is a scary proposition for any parent."

"I'm not going to tell him I talked to Emily. Not today anyway. I'll let her tell him if she wants to. If I can get him sobered up and presentable I'll take him to the office and see what Leon says."

"Jethro are you trying to trap this murderer by putting yourself out there for him?"

"Why would you ask that?"

"Because I know you. Because I know how you think. Just be careful. And if Tobias isn't one hundred percent please don't put your life in his hands. That's what you have a team for. Promise me."

"I won't let Tobias near this op if he's not ready, you can trust me on that. I want this guy and I want to see you in a couple of days. Thanks for your help. I better go. I love you."

"I love you, Jethro. Be safe."

When Jethro got to the front door it opened before he could knock. Tobias was standing there looking quite a bit worse for the wear. He looked even worse than Jethro had when he showed up at Holly's place. Jethro kept his distance until he was sure Tobias wasn't going to take a swing at him.

"Was wondering if you were coming in or just using the driveway as a parking lot."

"Had to take a call. You look like crap, Fornell."

"Thanks. Come on in. What are you doing here, Jethro?"

"Checking on you. Wondered if you're interested in working with us to get Sergei. Got the Russian lawyer supposedly helping us get the bastard out in the open."

"Yeah, I'm interested. By out in the open you mean coming after you? When's this happening?"

"Soon I hope. You sober?"

"I can be in short order. Emily called you didn't she?"

Jethro just looked at him. He didn't want to lie but he didn't want to cause Emily a problem.

"It's okay. I figured she would. I haven't been much good to her last little while. I woke up this morning and realized she's been taking care of me and getting herself to school and I haven't done a damn thing for her. I have to get myself together."

"Yeah you do. Emily's a strong kid. She's okay but you're right, you need to get it together for her."

"Make some coffee while I shower?"

"Sure."

Jethro started for the kitchen and Fornell for the bedroom down the hall. Before he had gone four steps he stopped and turned around.

"I don't blame you. Not really."

Fornell looked at his friend and knew he at least understood how he felt about losing Diane.

"I do. That won't help us now though so we have to put it behind us and get on with it. I should have said this sooner Tobias, I'm sorry. Sorry I didn't see it coming just a few seconds sooner."

"Wouldn't have mattered. He was watching you and would have fired as soon as you started to move. Let it go Jethro. Let's get this bastard and get on with our lives."

"That's exactly what I intend to do."

Fornell nodded and headed back to take his shower and get dressed. He had no idea of the hidden meaning behind Gibbs' words. Jethro went into the kitchen and after a long study figured out how to work the fancy coffeemaker on the counter. He had much less trouble with the frying pan, stove and toaster. By the time Fornell returned to the kitchen Jethro was serving two plates of fried eggs with bacon and toast. Tobias looked at the breakfast and realized, not for the first time, what a good friend Jethro was to him.

"I could get used to this."

"Don't", Jethro replied with a smirk.

The two men made quick work of the food and the rinsed the dishes, loaded the dishwasher and headed for the door. They had spoken very little while they ate and Tobias was anxious to hear Gibbs' plan to catch Sergei. But, he knew his friend well enough to wait until Jethro was ready to fill him in. That happened as soon as they were in the car and on the way to the Navy Yard.

"The idea is our friend the Russian will feed Sergei my location and let him know they will get him out of the country once he's finished his business. Then I, or we as it stands now, take care of him once and for all. I don't think they want anybody getting arrested and embarrassing them. I'm fine with that plan and I assume you are too."

"Definitely. Where are you supposed to be?"

"My cabin. It's isolated and very few people know it exists. We're headed there once we brief Vance and let him know you're in on this deal. You up for it?"

"Course I am."

They rode in silence to the Navy Yard and as they were getting out of the car Tobias stopped and looked at Jethro with a look on his face that said he had something to say.

"What is it?"

"Will it help if I kill the bastard?"

"Help?"

"Help me. Make it easier. Or something at least."

Jethro considered his friend and struggled to form what he thought of as the correct answer. He knew that killing the man who was responsible for his wife and child dying hadn't really made that much difference in the long run. In fact, it haunted him to the point that he sometimes wished he hadn't pulled the trigger all those years ago. He didn't think that was what Fornell wanted to hear but he knew he had to tell him the truth.

"Not really. Maybe a little but she'll still be gone. You have to think about Emily and what you're willing and able to live with."

After briefing Director Vance on Fornell's willingness to help them catch Sergei, Gibbs and Fornell headed off to Jethro's remote cabin. His team wasn't thrilled with what they knew of the plan but they trusted their boss to get the job done. They just hoped Fornell was more help than he looked like he would be. Their favorite FBI agent still looked like he wouldn't be able to take down a Boy Scout much less a stone killer like Sergei. They worried that if Fornell was covering Gibbs' six their boss was in trouble. Without even a way to monitor the cabin they were left to wait and hope their Russian "friend" came through for Gibbs.

The Russian did indeed come through for Gibbs and in turn Gibbs and Fornell took care of Sergei. Things didn't go exactly as planned but near enough. Gibbs lured Sergei into a confrontation the killer was not expecting but he was not only a skilled marksman but a very capable fighter as well. Gibbs would have several new bruises to explain to Holly when she saw him with his shirt off. He had a nasty cut on his left arm that would require the services of Ducky to be sewn up and a less nasty one on his side but Sergei had a bullet hole in his head courtesy of Fornell. The shooting was easy enough to justify since Sergei was about to stab Gibbs in the heart when Fornell took the shot.

"I was hoping you hadn't fallen asleep. What took you so long?" Jethro was out of breath, his arm and his side hurt and the arm was all but useless.

"You seemed to be holding your own. And, I knew you wanted to get in some good licks before it was all over. Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

Fornell had cut Gibbs' tee shirt off him and wrapped it around Jethro's arm. Gibb's cradled the injured arm against his chest and watched as Tobias used the satellite phone to call in some help. Their cell phones were useless because McGee was jamming the cell signal; a weapon against Sergei but it also kept them from calling for help.

By the time the team arrived with Ducky to take the body, Jethro was beginning to feel the effects of his fight with Sergei and the resulting blood loss coupled with too little sleep or decent food in recent days. He was stretched out in the passenger seat of DiNozzo's car with the seat reclined. Ducky had looked at his injuries and told him the would sew him up when they got back to the Navy Yard. When Bishop approached him he asked her what day of the week it was. She told him it was Friday evening and asked him if he knew where they were. By the look on her face, Jethro knew his question had worried her.

"I know where we are, Bishop, I just wasn't sure the day of the week. It's been a while since I paid attention to the calendar."

"Okay. Do you want me to take down your statement so you don't have to write it up? Or I could record it and then type it up for you to sign."

"That would be good. Got your recorder?"

Bishop handed him the small device, waited until he had started then went to see if Ducky or Tony needed any help.

"Ducky, Gibbs just asked me what day it is. You think he's okay?"

"Yes, my dear. He's just worried he'll miss getting to Florida tomorrow. Judging by his injuries I may suggest he wait another day."

"Yeah, he doesn't look too good."

"Well, let's get this wrapped up then so we can get back and I can get him stitched up and home to bed."

On the way back to the Navy Yard, DiNozzo thought Gibbs was asleep so when Jethro spoke to him Tony jumped in his seat.

"Geez Boss I thought you were out. Sorry, what'd you say?"

"I said your name."

"Oh. Is that all?"

"No, DiNozzo. I'm going to be gone for a while. You're in charge until I get back."

"Okay. Goin' to Florida I bet."

"Yes."

They were quiet for a while but Jethro felt like he owed his Senior Agent at least a little warning or hint that he might not be coming back. At least not for very long.

"Tony, I'm going to tell you something that only Ducky knows. I want you to keep it to yourself."

"Sure Boss."

"I'm thinking of retiring. Soon."

Tony was stunned. He knew Gibbs had his time in but he figured he'd stay around until they kicked him out. Or carried him out. Then he thought about Ms. Snow and the way Gibbs and her looked together that night Tony saw them out to dinner. And the way the Boss seemed happy and relaxed more of the time now. He wanted to argue against the idea but then he thought about all the close calls they'd had and the times Gibbs had been hurt and he stopped himself.

"Can't say I blame you, Boss. Can't say I like the idea but I get it. You think she'll want you around all the time?"

Jethro laughed. "Sure hope so, Tony. I sure hope so."

When they got to the Navy Yard, Tony went to his desk to start on the paperwork to close the case and Gibbs went down to see Ducky in autopsy. Bishop was already back and busy transcribing Gibbs' tape statement. Jethro marveled at the skills and efficiency of his young agent. McGee was well into his share of the paperwork and Jethro knew that by the time he was ready to go they would have most of what had to be done finished. He watched them for a moment then headed off to get his injuries tended to.

By the time Jethro walked through the doors of the autopsy suite what little adrenaline he had left in his system was gone. He hurt all over and getting from the door to the table took almost all the energy he had left. He more or less collapsed on the cold metal table. He balled his jacket into a makeshift pillow and stretched out with a deep sigh. All he could think about was that it was finally over.

"Jethro you really should be in a proper emergency room."

"Nah, Duck, you can fix me up just fine. Just need a few stitches is all. And maybe a couple of good, strong pain pills. Got any of those?"

"Yes, I have some. Can you sit up and get your shirt off or shall is cut it off?"

"I can do it."

"Very well, I'll just get a suture kit and some supplies and we'll get this taken care of."

Ducky stepped into the storage room to get what he would need to clean and suture Jethro's arm and side. When he stepped back into the room where Jethro was waiting the patient had not moved. In fact he was asleep. Ducky just smiled at his friend and sat down at his desk to begin his own paperwork and wait for Jethro to wake up. He sent DiNozzo a text message asking him to bring down a clean shirt for Jethro before he left the building. Ducky had decided the shirt Jethro was wearing was already ruined so he was going to cut it off him anyway. He wondered if he should go ahead and call Holly or wait until he had spoken with Jethro. He was going to insist that Jethro take at least a day to recover before he went to Florida. Whether he prevailed in that was anybody's guess. Dr. Mallard could be very persuasive but Agent Gibbs could be equally stubborn.

Jethro woke with a start about forty-five minutes after he laid down. He had slept through Tony coming and going with his shirt and Ducky brewing himself a cup of tea.

"Ah, Jethro good you're awake. I was beginning to wonder if you'd sleep the night away."

"How long was I out?"

"Only three quarters of an hour. Don't get up, just be still and I'll get you fixed up."

Jethro was happy to comply. Ducky approached with his scissors in hand and his supplies on a rolling tray. He handed Jethro two pain pills and a glass of water.

"Take these while I get started." Ducky pulled the tail of Jethro's shirt out of his pants and took aim with the scissors.

"Hey wait a minute, I like this shirt. Holly gave it to me."

"Then she will have to give you another. This one is obviously ruined. The blood for one thing and then what would you have me do about the neat cut where our Russian friend tried to stab you to death?"

Jethro, propped up on his elbows, looked at his shirt. Ducky was right, it was a goner.

"Guess you're right."

Ducky began cutting from the tail to the collar then down the sleeve so that when Jethro sat up it would come right off. He carefully cleaned the wound on Jethro's arm first. It was a deep cut and would require more than just a few stitches. Ducky prepared a deadening agent and before Jethro could react to the sight of the needle he gave him three quick injections around the wound to completely numb the area. While that took effect, Ducky turned his attention to the wound on Jethro's side.

"How's it look Duck?"

"Not as bad as the arm but bad enough. Knowing you, butterfly bandages won't do so I'll sew this up as well."

Two more shots to deaden the area and Ducky got busy with needle and thread.

"These will leave scars you know, Jethro. If you had gone to a proper hospital a plastic surgeon could have done a much neater job."

"Don't worry about it Duck. Holly thinks my scars are sexy."

"I doubt that."

"That what she told me."

"Then I'm sure she meant it." Ducky glanced down at his friend and continued, "Jethro, I want you to take at least a day before you travel. I know you are anxious to see Holly but I really feel it best if you stay home tomorrow and give yourself a chance to catch your breath so to speak."

"I'm okay Duck. I'm just going to sit on a plane and then on the beach."

"Really? Somehow I don't think that is exactly what you will be doing. Do you want to be able to enjoy your time with Holly when you get there or do you want her to have to take care of you? If you stay home for one day, eat at least two good meals and sleep a minimum of twelve hours you will be one hundred percent better than you will be if you go to Florida tomorrow. You will be stronger and clearer of mind when you get there. That is a promise."

Jethro didn't say anything for a long time. He desperately wanted to see Holly, to be with her and soak up the love that she so freely gave him. On the other hand he didn't want her to worry about him or have to take care of him. He wanted, as Ducky had said, to be able to enjoy their time together right from the start. He decided his friend was right; as usual.

"I'll stay home and eat and sleep tomorrow. I'll fly down Sunday afternoon."

"Excellent. You won't regret your decision. Would you like me to call Holly and tell her I'm keeping you here?"

"No, it'll scare her if she sees your number come up. I told her I might be a day late. I'll call her when I get home."

"Alright."

Ducky finished stitching up Jethro's wounds and covered them both with thick bandages. The patient was half asleep and Ducky left him to gather some extra bandages, antibiotic ointment and pain meds for Jethro to take with him. And a sling for his arm.

When Ducky returned, Jethro was sitting up on the table cradling his arm to his chest. Ducky showed him the sling as he approached.

"I want you to wear this for a day or two, certainly while you are traveling. It will take the pressure off the arm and make it less painful. That was a deep cut, Jethro and I want you to keep a close eye on it. If it gets red at all or continues to be painful after a couple of days you need to get it checked. I don't expect you will have any problems but be careful of it. I've packed you some extra bandages. Keep it covered for at least five days then you can go without a bandage. Keep it dry for the next day or so. There are some waterproof bandages in here for showering. You know the drill."

"Yeah, 'fraid I do Duck. Listen, I told DiNozzo I'm thinking about retiring sooner rather than later. Figured he should have a heads up. He'll keep it to himself but I wanted you to know he knows."

"So you haven't decided yet?"

"No. I want to talk to Holly first."

"Really?"

"She's a part of my life Duck and I don't want that to change. I don't want to make a decision like that without her input. I know it sounds strange for me to say that; sounds strange to me anyway."

"Not strange at all Jethro. You and Holly have been together now for longer than your last two marriages. You should definitely talk with her about what you want for your future. I applaud you for wanting her input. She's a very smart woman and she knows you very well, my friend. You do well to take advice from her."

"I agree. Now, I need to get home."

"Come on, I'll drive you. You don't have your own car here do you?"

"No."

On the way home Ducky stopped at a Five Guys and got Jethro a burger and fries. Not exactly Ducky's idea of fine dining but it was protein and hot food which he was pretty sure Jethro didn't have at home. His patient assured Ducky he had eggs and cheese and bread at home so he could at least have a decent breakfast when he woke up the next morning. When they got to the house, Jethro hesitated before getting out of the car.

"Do you want me to come in with you?"

"No, Duck I'm fine. Thank you for tonight and for all your help with this case. I appreciate your support my friend."

"You are welcome Jethro. Again, I'm very sorry about Diane. I'm glad you and Tobias are back on track."

"Me too. I guess I better go in and get to bed."

"Yes, no basement tonight. And Jethro, take your time with your decision making. Be very sure of what you want before you take this very serious step."

"I will. I'll see you in a week or so I expect. Night Duck."

"Good night Jethro. Give Holly my love."

"Will do."

Jethro got out of the car, grabbed the pack with his gun, badge and medical supplies in it and went in the house. Ducky sighed and started for home. He hoped Jethro thought long and hard about retiring. As much as he wanted his friend to be happy he feared leaving NCIS too soon and at such an emotional time might be a mistake. Then again, Ducky had lost count of the times he had sewn up his friend, visited him in the hospital or taken him home injured or recovering. Maybe it was time to call a halt to all that and enjoy his life.

Jethro grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and headed straight upstairs. He covered his bandages with a couple of Ducky's waterproof patches and stood in a hot shower for so long the water started to cool off. He washed quickly and got out feeling better but very tired. He quickly dried off and pulled on a pair of boxers before going downstairs to the couch to call Holly. They had not talked since their conversation while Jethro was in Fornell's driveway and Jethro was anxious to let her know things were okay now. He looked at the clock and saw it was just after ten o'clock. He was sure she wasn't in bed yet. He swallowed a pain ill, slipped his arm into the sling and got comfortable with his feet up and his head resting on the back of the couch. With Holly out of town he hated sleeping in his bed alone and besides, this way he could sleep more or less sitting up which seemed to make his arm hurt less.

The phone rang four times before Holly finally answered.

"Jethro? What's happening?"

"Hi, everything's over. We got him."

"Oh, thank god. Are you okay?" Fornell?"

"He's fine. He took the shot so he's feeling better. I'm a little banged up and Ducky wants me to stay home tomorrow so I'll be there Sunday afternoon."

"What exactly constitutes 'a little banged up'?

"Just a cut on my arm and my side. Ducky stitched me up and I'm fine. Really. You can call him and check if you want."

"Jethro you sound like a ten year old." Holly laughed and Jethro felt an easing in his chest. "You know, I just might call him and check up on you."

"I figured you would anyway. I promise I'm fine. He just wanted me to take a day and rest up. I think he thinks I'm going to need some energy while I'm there. Wonder why he thinks that?"

"Because he knows us. He knows you can't pace yourself when you're with me."

"Is that so?" There was a lightness and a wonderful sense of intimacy between them that Jethro had never experienced with another woman.

"Pretty sure that's right. I've missed you, babe. Can't wait to see you and get my hands on you."

"I miss you too. How'd your meetings go?"

"Great. They have a good organization here and they're planning to open a shelter much like the one we have in DC. I'll tell you all about it when you get here. Do you have a flight yet?"

She knew he didn't because he hadn't known when he could leave and besides, she always made their travel arrangements when they went somewhere together. While they had been talking Holly had her laptop out and was looking for a flight for him for Sunday.

"What do you think?"

"I think you don't but just a minute and you will have one. Tell me about Fornell. Was he upset you'd seen Emily?"

Jethro told her about his conversation with Fornell and some of what they had talked about at the cabin. He knew she was on the computer booking him a flight while they talked. He mentally chalked that up as another reason he could never let her go.

"I'm glad you two got that worked out. Emily needs her dad and she needs you too. Okay, listen you are on a two thirty flight from Reagan to Ft. Myers Sunday afternoon. I'm going to text you the info and you can check in on your phone. Do you remember how to do that?"

"You know Holly, I'm not helpless. Of course I remember how to do it."

He was trying to be cross with her but he couldn't pull it off. Holly could tell he was teasing her just as she had been teasing him.

"Okay. I'll be there to pick you up. Promise me you'll take it easy tomorrow."

"I will and I promise. I'm going to do exactly what Ducky prescribed; sleep and eat. I'll see you Sunday afternoon. I love you."

"Love you too. I'm really glad this whole thing is over. We're going to have a great week. I'll see you soon."

"Night babe."

"Good night Jethro."

Just as he has promised he would, Jethro did nothing but eat and sleep all day Saturday. When he woke up early Sunday morning he felt better than he had in weeks. His side and his arm were still a little sore; especially his arm but it was nothing a couple of aspirin couldn't handle. After coffee and breakfast, Jethro paid a couple of bills; despite Holly's urging he still did it the old fashioned way, by check and mail. He cleaned up the kitchen putting everything away and throwing out small bits of food that would spoil while he was gone. He didn't know for sure how long he and Holly would be away but at least a week for sure. He was thinking of taking an extended vacation if she could manage it with him.

As he settled into his first class seat that afternoon on the way to Florida he was anxious to see Holly but still unsure about his long term future. All he knew for sure was that he wanted to spend it with Holly Snow and he didn't want to be constantly afraid of someone coming after her because of him.

While Jethro was flying down to meet her, Holly was having a late lunch with the two people who were spearheading the women's shelter project she had come to Florida to consult about. Since her "trouble" as she and Jethro jokingly referred to her legal situation years ago, Holly had devoted her considerable influence and her time to the establishment of two domestic violence and homeless shelters in the DC area. Even though, when she left the escort business she was dealing only with very high end clients, she knew that many young women got into prostitution as the result of being victims of domestic violence or homelessness. The shelters she was involved with provided counseling, medical care and a safe place for the women to stay while they worked to change the direction of their lives. Holly was proud of the work she was doing but realized it was just the bare beginning and there was much, much more to be accomplished.

The people she had met with in Tampa called her on Saturday and asked if she could meet with them again but she told them no, she was not available for at least a week. The woman then asked if they could at least meet her for lunch and Holly said only if they could meet her in Ft. Myers. Holly was not going to let anything interfere with her picking up Jethro and spending every minute with him for the next week.

"We can come to you, Holly no problem. Would one o'clock be alright?"

Holly agreed and that was why she was sitting in a small café with Laura Bridges and Sue Thompson. Driving to the lunch meeting Holly was sure the two women had some new questions about the DC operation or wanted to get her input on some issues they had discussed earlier in the week. She was surprised they wanted to meet in person instead of talking over the phone but if they wanted to make the drive she was happy to meet with them. She would have time after lunch to do some shopping before Jethro's plane arrived and she had seen a couple of things she wanted to wear for him when she was in town earlier. Of course she wouldn't be wearing them long but that was okay with her.

What Holly certainly had not expected was for Laura and Sue to offer her a job. They wanted her to be the Executive Director of the non-profit that would be running the shelter.

"Holly, we know you would be the best person to be in charge of this project for the first year. We realize you have your life in DC but we are hoping to lure down to the Sunshine State for a year to get this shelter up and running."

Laura then spoke up. "I can see we've surprised you. We talked about this after you left on Thursday and everyone on the board agreed that you would be a real asset to us especially this first year."

"I'm very flattered and I don't really know what to say. I have commitments in DC that I can't walk away from at least not without some notice. I'm excited about what you're doing down here. You have a great team in place."

"We do have a good team but what you could bring to the table in terms of experience would help us avoid many of those first year mistakes that are inevitably made. We can't offer you a big salary but one of our board members, Paul Phelps, has a beautiful condo he is willing to donate to us for a year. So, you'd have a lovely place to live and short commute to the shelter."

"Sue's right the condo is wonderful. Will you at least give this some thought?"

"Yes, I'll definitely think about it. I have to talk it over with some people, one in particular of course. When would you see this happening?"

"We'd like you to start in about two months. By that time we'll be just about ready to open. "

"Just for a year, is that right?"

"We didn't think you'd be interested in coming here for good knowing how involved you are in DC. We were thinking of this as a one year deal with an option to renew if you're interested."

"Let me give this some serious thought. I should be able to let you know by the end of the week what my decision is."

"That would be perfect. Holly, no matter what you decide, thank you for all your help. We'll be in touch."

They finished lunch then the two women bid her goodbye and Holly was off to do her shopping. She found a wonderful men's store and splurged on some things for her favorite man. All the while she was shopping the idea of living in Florida for a year was buzzing around in her head. She didn't think she would do it simply because she couldn't imagine being away from Jethro for that long. It was a great opportunity though to do some important work. She knew she could do just as Laura had said; help them avoid costly mistakes during their first year. She wondered if Jethro would be able to visit at least once a month. If so, and if she could make long weekends a part of the deal then maybe they could see each other enough to make it through a year. It sounded doable but when Holly thought about this last week and not seeing Jethro for these last several days she was almost certain she couldn't accept the offer.

Finally it was time to go to the airport. Holly spent a few minutes in the ladies room making sure she looked her best. She had spent just enough time in the sun to give her some healthy color, her hair was sun bleached just right and she was wearing a breezy, cotton sun dress and sandals. Looking at herself in the mirror Holly realized she hadn't been this excited to see anyone, well, ever. She knew the idea of moving to Florida, even for just a year was out of the question. She was a little disappointed to make that decision but she just couldn't bear to be away from Jethro for that long no matter how many weekends they managed to steal. She had told him the truth the other night when she said she didn't sleep well without him. She knew what she wanted to do about that but she wondered if Jethro even remembered his response and if so what he had in mind.

The plane was on time and Holly was standing at the security exit anxiously waiting. She knew Jethro would be one of the first persons off the plane and that he wouldn't have anything but a small carry-on. He traveled very light.

Finally, he appeared looking just a little bit tired and with his left arm in a sling. The smile he gave her when he spotted her make her heart stop. God, she loved this man.

In seconds he was right there and she finally had her hands on him. She tried to be careful of his arm but before she knew it he had the sling off and was wrapping his arms around her and kissing her. Neither of them paid any attention to anyone around them; their world had shrunk momentarily to encompass only the two of them.

"So glad to see you babe."

"Me too. Should you be using the sling?"

"Nah. It's just a comfort thing and right now having my arms around you is more comfortable." Then he kissed her again.

They eventually made it to the car and Jethro happily slid into the passenger seat and left the driving to Holly. He couldn't stop smiling and he couldn't keep his hands to himself. He reached for her right hand and laced their fingers together.

"You can drive one-handed can't you?"

"Absolutely. But if you distract me too much we'll have to stop which will only delay us getting to where we want to be and doing what we want to be doing."

"I can sit over here and not touch you."

"Don't you dare. How was the flight?"

"Fine. Everything okay down here?"

"Yes, the condo is wonderful of course and the beach is perfect as usual."

"Let's make a deal. For the rest of the day we don't talk about my work or your work or anything but us and right now. Tomorrow we can talk about all that other stuff but for today can we just be two people on vacation?"

"Two people who love each other who are on vacation. That sounds perfect to me."

"That's who we are alright." Jethro squeezed her hand, "I do love you Holly Snow."

"And I love you. And I have missed you and I'm very glad you're here. Can you get those cuts wet or do we have to stay out of the water for a while?"

"Ducky sent a supply of waterproof bandages so we can get as wet as we want. He sends his love by the way."

They were quiet then for a while. Jethro closed his eyes and felt himself relax. The wonderful smell of being close to the water was one of his favorite scents. He loved it at the beach and could easily imagine the two of them living here. He wondered how Holly would feel about that.

When they arrived at the condo Holly grabbed her shopping bags and Jethro his duffle and they happily went inside. They had stayed in this condo several times and Jethro was always happy to be here; the place was very comfortable and the views were spectacular. There was a large patio off the living room that wrapped around two sides. The smell of the gulf air and the sound of the water lapping the beach was hypnotic.

"Hey, are you hungry?"

Jethro turned and looked at her with an expression that said he was indeed but not for a sandwich.

"Not so much. You?"

"Not really." She was walking towards him and unbuttoning her blouse at the same time.

Jethro smiled at her and pulled his polo off over his head. He silently appreciated that they were on the tenth floor and there was no one on either side of them who could see into the condo. He also appreciated the fact that once she had her top off there was just the barest of silk and lace left for him to deal with.

"Damn you look good. That new?"

"Yes. Like it?"

"Very much."

He reached out and touched her and the feel of his fingertips on her shoulders sent a tingle down her spine. Jethro watched his fingers glide across her collarbones and then down over the swell of her perfect breasts. He loved to look at her and touch her. Her skin was perfect. He smoothed his way back up the slim column of her throat and then tunneled his fingers in her hair and pulled her closer so he could kiss her again. He was barely holding onto his control but he was determined to make this last.

While they were kissing, slow and oh so sweetly, Holly ran the back of her fingers over his stomach and up his sides and she felt him shudder. Gently scraping her nails up and down his back, Holly pulled back from the kiss just enough to take a breath. Jethro's eyes were closed and he wrapped his arms around her so there was no space between them.

They stood still, holding each other for a long time. Eventually, Jethro loosened his grip, kissed her on the top of her head and led her to the bedroom. They took their time undressing each other and touching and kissing as if they were newly lovers. No matter how many times she was with Jethro, Holly never tired of the way they were when they made love. Jethro was a patient and generous lover who never seemed to put his needs first. He had taken the time to learn what she liked and what gave her the most pleasure and he never failed to give her what she wanted and needed. In turn, Holly knew exactly what got Jethro going and she was never shy about making sure he was happy in bed. Or wherever they were.

This evening was certainly no exception. They used every inch of the king size bed and enjoyed each other for a good long time. Jethro took his time reacquainting himself with the taste and feel of his favorite person and Holly did the same. As always with the two of them there was laughter, lots of non-verbal communication and eventually some pretty loud exclamations from Ms. Snow when Jethro finally brought her to a crashing climax then followed her right over the edge of the cliff. While they lay together waiting on their systems to recover, Holly snuggled into his side and said a silent prayer of thanks that he was there, safe and sound and not leaving anytime soon.

They held each other and eventually both dropped off to sleep. The nap lasted almost an hour before Jethro woke up to Holly kissing his shoulder and making random circles on his chest with her very lovely fingertips. Pretty soon her hand drifted south and then back up. She kissed him randomly, her leg was between his and her hands and mouth wandered here and there and all around. It was an exquisite torture that Jethro was more than happy to endure. He was as relaxed and happy as he had been in a long time. All the bad stuff of the past few weeks was melting away and being replaced with nothing but peace and the calmness that he only felt when he was with Holly.

After a while Jethro rolled them over and they made love again. Holly had spent so long getting him wound up that this time was more toward the hard and fast end of the spectrum than toward the slow, sweet end. Jethro knew Holly liked it either way, as did he, so that was certainly not a problem. When he settled back on his back with Holly breathing deeply beside him, Jethro decided he might ever want to leave the bedroom. Holly had other ideas. To his chagrin, Holly slipped out of bed and headed toward the bathroom.

"Why don't we share a shower then take some snacks down to the beach, take a walk and then watch the sunset."

"Sounds good. I guess I have to get out of this very comfortable bed, right?"

"Just for a little while. I promise we'll be back here."

So, they shared a quick shower and while Holly gathered some snacks and put them in a small cooler, Jethro got towels and two beach chairs so they could sit close to the water. They made the short walk from the condo to the beach and set up their little area. They were delighted to find they were almost the only people on the beach.

"It's been quiet all week. I hope it stays this way."

"Me too. Wanna walk for a while?"

"Yes."

They set off walking in the warm sand with the water barely lapping at their feet. Jethro reached for her hand and they strolled slowly, soaking in the late afternoon sun, the sand and the water. They picked up a few shells and eventually made their way back to their chairs. Jethro got out the snacks and they had a quiet evening, enjoying the sunset and the water. There was no place either one of them would have rather been.

True to their agreement they didn't talk at all about work. They didn't talk much at all really but that wasn't unusual for them. They were both lost at times in their own thoughts about their relationship and what might be coming next. Unbeknownst to each other they both had thoughts of moving the relationship along but were each unsure of where the other wanted to go. For two people who normally communicated so well, on the topic of their future together, they had not communicated much at all. That was going to change in the next twenty-four hours.

When they finally went back to the condo Jethro was tired and his arm was hurting. He hadn't realized just how serious that injury was until now. He took off the bandage to make sure it wasn't infected and between the two of them they agreed it looked fine. She put some ointment that Ducky had sent on it and rewrapped it and Jethro took three Aleve. The two of them settled on the couch to watch a movie and before Holly knew it, Jethro was sound asleep. She hated to wake him so she watched the rest of the movie before she nudged him awake just enough to guide him to the bed. As evidence that he was still more exhausted than he would admit, Jethro slept soundly until almost eight o'clock the next morning.

He woke to find the bed empty and the smell of coffee coming from the kitchen. Quickly brushing his teeth and pulling on some shorts he wandered into the kitchen in search of Holly. Instead he found a note telling him she'd gone for a walk at seven fifteen. He poured himself a mug of coffee and stepped onto the deck. Sure enough, there was Holly coming back down the beach. She was wearing shorts, a tank top and a floppy hat. Even from this distance Jethro knew she was beautiful; she always looked good and not just to him. She didn't wear a lot of makeup or spend a fortune on her hair but she always looked like a million bucks. She was blessed with perfect skin, beautiful eyes and, according to Jethro at least, a perfect mouth. Her hair was thick and wavy and no matter what she did or didn't do to it, it always looked good. In short, Holly Snow was a beautiful, well put together woman who could have any man she went after. Standing ten stories above her, watching her walk towards him, Jethro wondered for the umpteenth time why in god's name she ever gave him a second glance much less fell in love with him. He knew he would never understand it. He had learned to just accept and enjoy the idea but still, it was a puzzle.

When Holly got back to the condo they had breakfast then headed down to the beach. The condo came with two beach chairs and umbrellas and they set up camp there under the shade of the big blue umbrellas. They sprayed each other with sunblock and took a walk. Holly thought Jethro was very quiet and she wondered just how much he was still affected by the last couple of weeks. She knew he still felt guilty about Diane and he would for a long time. That was just the way he was built so she didn't worry about it or try to fix it. She knew the best thing she could do for Jethro was be patient and love him. For her, that was not at all difficult.

After their walk they settled in the shade, Holly with a trashy novel and Jethro watching the water come and go. He was reminded of all the time he'd spent on the beach in Baja during his "retirement" with Mike Franks. He missed his old friend and mentor and wished he could talk to him about a real retirement. He had to force himself to stop thinking about all the other people he missed. He glanced over at Holly and smiled to himself. She was concentrating on her book and biting her lip; must be at a good part he thought. He was getting hot and needed to pee so he got up to head for the water.

"Wanna cool off with me?"

Holly held up a finger, "Go ahead and I'll be there as soon as I finish two more pages. I'm about to figure out who's sleeping with whom."

Jethro laughed, "Okay."

He strode down to the water and straight into the warm gulf surf. He waded out until the water was waist deep then dove in and swam out past a sandbar where the water was just barely over his head. He stretched out and floated on his back knowing Holly would be there before too long. She loved the water as much as he did which made him think again that he could easily live down here if she'd move with him. Jethro had no idea if Holly would even entertain that idea. She had a lot of connections and interests in DC and was happy in her work there. He didn't even know if she wanted to live with him fulltime. That was the first thing he wanted to talk to her about when they got around to talking today or whenever.

Jethro rolled over and swam in a few feet until he could stand flat footed with the water just chest deep. A minute or two later Holly came paddling out carrying his hat and sunglasses.

"Here, you should have these on out here. I don't want you all burned up."

"Thanks."

The water was barely too deep for Holly to stand up so she wrapped her legs around Jethro's waist and her arms around his neck and he easily supported her. She leaned in and kissed him firmly on the mouth and Jethro happily responded. There were very few people in the water and no one seemed to be watching them so Jethro carried on with the kiss until Holly had to pull back to take a breath.

Holly put her hands on either side of his face and leaned back to study him.

She never got tired of looking at Jethro; even when he was unshaven, wearing a ratty old hat and sunglasses he looked handsome and sexy to her.

"You've been awfully quiet this morning. Something on your mind?"

"Couple of things actually."

"Care to share?"

Jethro closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He was nervous about what he wanted to say but the answer he wanted couldn't come if he didn't ask the question. He decided to go ahead and get it over with; or started at least.

"I need to make some changes in my life, Holly."

As soon as the words left his mouth he felt her tense up. She dropped her hands to his shoulders and let go with her legs so she was standing in front of him. He moved them to shallower water and reached for her hands.

"Hey, what's the matter? It's nothing bad."

"When you say changes do you include me in that?"

Jethro heard some panic or anxiety in her voice that totally surprised him.

"Not the way you seem to think. I certainly don't want to stop seeing you or anything like that. In fact just the opposite. I want to see more of you. I want to talk about us living together fulltime not just back and forth like we've been doing."

That statement earned him a beautiful smile and a very nice kiss.

"Would you be interested in that Ms. Snow?"

"More than interested, Agent Gibbs. I'm very much in favor of it in fact. Your place or mine?"

"Well I hadn't thought that far ahead to tell you the truth. I just realized when you said the other day that you didn't sleep well when I was gone that I don't sleep much when I'm not with you either. I figure for our health if nothing else we should fix that."

"Oh definitely. I'm sure our health will improve if we're living together. Thank you for wanting to do this, Jethro. I love you."

"You seem surprised. Have you thought about this at all before now?"

"Yes, I just didn't know if you were ready or if you even thought you might ever want to. It seems I don't know you as well as I thought I did."

"You know me plenty well. I haven't given much thought to our future until very recently. Been too busy enjoying the moment. I do want us to have a future together, Holly. How do you feel about that?"

Holly looked around at the beautiful scene they were in the middle of; the clear gulf water, the white sand beaches and the gorgeous man in front of her. It was perfect. She had spent most of her adult life avoiding the entanglement of a serious relationship with a man. Her friendship with Jethro had certainly not started out in a good way and it had been a surprise to both of them when they became friends. Falling in love with him was definitely not what Holly expected. It was the most perfect, unexpected development she'd ever known.

Jethro was getting a little bit nervous because it was taking what seemed a long time for her to answer. Finally she focused her attention back on him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I can't think of anything that would make me happier than to spend my future with you, Jethro. I love you and I don't imagine I'll ever stop loving you."

"Good because I know you are the last woman I'm ever going to love. I don't want to ever let you go."

A tiny little voice was whispering in Holly's ear that Jethro hadn't mentioned marriage. She ignored the voice because she didn't need to be married. She knew she was committed to Jethro and that he would never cheat on her or leave her. Marriage was not something she had ever planned on and she didn't need marriage to make her feel secure in her life with the man she loved. Besides, Jethro was a walking, talking advertisement for the belief that an official ceremony and document were no guarantee of happily-ever-after.

After several more kisses and some splashing around, Holly announced they had had enough sun for a while so they headed back to the protection of the beach chairs and umbrellas. They shared a bottle of water and some snacks then Holly went back to her book and Jethro closed his eyes and dreamed about being retired. They stayed on the beach until just after one o'clock alternating between cooling off in the water and relaxing in the shade. Eventually, Jethro was hungry and Holly had had enough sun and water for a while. They headed back to the condo. After sharing a shower and some lunch, Jethro pulled Holly down on the couch with him, divested her of her sundress and made love to her. He took his time and made sure to pay attention to all her favorite places. When they were both worn out, Holly snuggled into him and pulled a light cover over them and they fell asleep.

The next two days followed the same pattern as the first day had. They slept as late as they wanted, spent most of their time on the beach and made love whenever the urge struck them. It was the most perfect few days either of them could remember having. They talked a lot about where to live when they moved in together. Jethro offered to move to the condo but Holly eventually convinced him they should live in his house so he could have the basement for his projects and alone time.

"You know you'll need that escape place, babe and I want you to have it."

"How about moving to a new house?"

"Is that what you want to do?"

"Not really but my house hasn't been updated in a long time, you know that. It doesn't compare favorably with the condo."

"Will you be there? Living there with me?"

"Of course, that's the whole idea."

"Then it will be perfect. How about this, we sell the condo and use some of the money to update the house."

"I can't let you do that Holly. If you sell the condo that's your money."

"Then I can do what I want with it. Seriously, we can go in together on the remodeling. If I'm going to live there I want to have a say and if I'm choosing things I should help pay for them. No way around it."

They were lying in bed having this conversation. Jethro knew that when Holly made up her mind there was very little he could do to change it. Besides, she was naked and kissing him on the chest and touching him "down there" and he was losing his ability to think about remodeling and who was going to pay for what. In fact at that precise moment, he wasn't sure of anything except where Holly's mouth seemed to be heading next. His interest in conversation was nil at this point.

The next morning, their fourth day at the condo, Holly came out of the bedroom to find Jethro sitting on the deck staring out at the water, coffee mug in hand. She watched him for a few moments then got her own coffee and joined him.

"Morning beautiful."

Holly leaned down and kissed him, "Good morning. Any dolphins this morning?"

"Not a single one. I think we just got lucky yesterday. They must get up before we do."

"Undoubtedly. How's the arm?"

"Feels fine. I checked it this morning and it looks fine. Want some breakfast?"

"Not yet."

She pulled up a chair next to him and said, "the other day you said you had a couple of things on your mind but we've only talked about moving in together. What was the other thing?"

Jethro studied her. She was getting darker despite all the sunblock and shade and her hair was getting lighter. She was fit and beautiful and he loved her so much it surprised him sometimes.

"You don't miss much do you?"

"Not where you're concerned, no. If you need to talk about something you know I can hear whatever it is. If you're not ready that's okay too."

Jethro stared out at the water. He had been turning the retirement idea over and over in his head and he simply could not make a decision. Maybe Holly could help.

"I'm thinking about retiring. Soon."

Holly was stunned. NCIS was such a huge part of Jethro's life. It defined him in many ways; it was where he belonged, at least in her mind. He had certainly never mentioned or even hinted at being ready to walk away from the job he loved and did with such passion and courage.

"Wow, that is certainly a surprise. How long have you been thinking along these lines?"

"Just since this whole case with Sergei. After Diane was killed I started thinking, again, about all the people I've lost. I counted up the people who've been killed because some wing nut wanted to hurt me or get back at me and the number is much too high. Then I thought about you and the idea that you could be added to that list someday is a huge problem for me. I don't want to lose you and I don't want to be constantly worried you're in danger because of me. So, I'm thinking about retiring. It's about time anyway. I just might want to go a little early."

Holly didn't say anything and Jethro just looked out at the seemingly endless expanse of blue-green water. Now that it was out in the open he felt better. He was almost certain he wanted to retire before the year was out. That was eight months away. He looked over at Holly but she was looking out at the water; not at him. He knew she was thinking about what he'd said and how it might impact them. He was counting on her insight to help him make up his mind once and for all.

"Jethro, I don't want you to retire because of me. You can't do that. If you are truly ready to leave NCIS behind I support that one hundred percent but if you are doing it because you're afraid someone will come after me then don't do it. "

She paused and watched him for a reaction. There wasn't one really; he just closed his eyes and sighed. Holly knew in her heart that Jethro didn't want to leave NCIS; he loved his job and he was doing important work. However, she also knew he felt a tremendous amount of guilt over the deaths of Kate and Mike and even Jenny. Now there was Diane's death still so fresh in his mind. She appreciated that he felt the need to protect her but she didn't want to be the reason he left the job that was truly his life and his love long before she came into the picture. If she was strictly honest with herself she wanted him to quit. She was afraid all the time when he was working. Not a paralyzing fear that kept her from living her life but a nagging, back-of-the-mind kind of fear that only went away when he walked in the door at night.

They sat in silence for a while and then Jethro said, "Got any other thoughts on the idea?"

"I do. As much as I love the idea of you not being in the line of fire anymore I don't want you to retire because of me. I don't want that responsibility. If you are really ready to leave your team and NCIS; really ready to stop doing the job you love, then retire. But if you are doing it because you're worried about the next wing nut, I don't think it's a good idea."

"I don't want anything to happen to you Holly."

He reached for her hand and laced their fingers together. He looked back over the water. When he spoke again his voice was thick with emotion.

"I love you. I've lost so much already and I can't risk losing you. I think it's time to step away and enjoy life with a beautiful woman who for some reason is willing to put up with me."

"Well, it sounds as if you have made up your mind. I want you to be sure, Jethro. This is such an important decision, I don't want you to make this choice with your heart; you must be sure in your head that you're ready. Have you talked to anyone else about this?"

"Just Ducky. Wanted to see what you thought before I went ahead with anything."

"Right now I think we should have breakfast, go to the beach and let the idea cook for a while. We can talk about it again later. Okay?"

"Sounds like a plan."

They spent the day on the beach then went out to dinner and then to a small place they liked where they could get a drink and dance the night away. Jethro's thoughts were torn between the woman in his arms and the idea of leaving his team and his job. Holly was right, it was a very big decision and Jethro just wasn't sure what he should do. Most if not all the major decisions in his life had been easy to make; get out of Stillwater, become a Marine, marry Shannon, join NCIS, those were all pretty clear cut. The divorces were not difficult decisions after a while and a lot of his life had been following orders. Retiring was something he had given very little thought to mainly because he never expected to live long enough to have the luxury. Now he did and he had good motivation to do so but he just wasn't really sure.

When they got back to the condo, Holly went in the bedroom to change and Jethro took a drink and sat on the patio. The stars were so much brighter than in DC and he loved sitting out at night listening to the surf coming and going. It was almost two o'clock but he wasn't tired. His mind wouldn't shut down tonight.

Holly came out to join him. She knew he had been distracted ever since their conversation that morning. The decision he was wrestling with was one he had to make on his own and despite her vested interest in the outcome she vowed to herself not to push him in either direction. There was just one more thing she wanted to say.

"You know, Jethro, if the decision is this difficult maybe you're just not ready. Is there a deadline you are up against?"

"No. My twenty has come and gone so really I can go anytime."

"Then you don't have to decide this week. I support whatever you want to do. Why don't we talk about the house. Get your mind on another subject and maybe that will help."

"Okay. Good idea."

So, they talked about remodeling ideas for the next hour or so until Holly was barely awake.

"Come on, you're almost asleep out here."

Jethro led her to the bedroom and she was asleep before he came back from the bathroom.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**To Retire or Not to Retire**

Chapter Three

The next morning while they were walking along the beach, Jethro asked her about her meetings with the people in Tampa. She told him all about their plans, the building they had secured, the team they had in place and all the good ideas they had. She sounded very excited and Jethro was sorry he hadn't asked her about it sooner. Obviously she was already invested in their success.

"Sounds like you're really impressed with what they have going on already. When will they be up and running?"

"In about two months."

The way she answered, the rather wistful tone of her voice told Jethro there was something she wasn't saying.

"What did you leave out? There's something more to the story isn't there?"

Holly lightly punched him in the shoulder. "Do you ever stop being an investigator?"

"Not yet. Tell me."

Holly stopped walking and stepped in front of him. He was wearing a pair of swim trunks and an old ball cap. He was tan and unshaven and more relaxed than he had been in many months. And she loved him too much to imagine being away from him for a year. But, if he retired he could be here with her. No, she told herself she was not going to campaign for that. She would tell him about the offer; she never lied to him and he'd find out anyway. After all he was Gibbs.

"They want me to run the whole thing for the first year. Get them off the ground. They said they figured they could avoid a lot of first year mistakes if I'm the director since I've been managing the shelter and all the programs in DC."

"Holly, that's great."

"It would mean living down here for a year, Jethro. I don't want to be here and you in Virginia. I told them I'd think about it but I've already decided to tell them no."

"If I'm retired I can be down here too. Is that the only reason you're turning them down?"

"Yes. Jethro, you can't retire just because of this. You have to make your decision separate from what I'm doing."

"How come you get to decide something based on us and I don't?'

She didn't have an answer for that so Holly just turned and walked out a little ways into the water. Jethro had actually decided earlier; about four thirty in the morning as he lay awake staring at the ceiling, that he was not going to retire until the end of the year. Eight more months. Now it seemed he might want to modify that decision just a little bit. He could tell by her voice that Holly was interested in the idea of getting this new shelter off the ground. She would be a real asset to the people here and he didn't want to be the reason she didn't take this opportunity. He went to stand beside her and put his arm around her shoulder pulling her in close.

"How about a compromise? When do they want you to start?"

"In about two months."

"I decided sometime very early this morning that I would retire at the end of the year. That's only eight months away. If you don't start here for another two months that would mean only six months apart. You could be here and miss all the mess of the remodeling. I'll come see you, you'll come up there, we could easily make it work Holly. I probably have enough leave that I could actually be done by Thanksgiving. We could have the whole holiday season together down here if you wanted."

Holly turned around so she could see his face. He was looking at her intently with a small smile on his face. The idea of being able to take the Tampa group up on their offer and still have Jethro near most of the time was exciting. She really wanted to be in Florida but would absolutely not spend a year away from this man.

"You really decided to retire?"

"Yes. End of the year. You should take the offer Holly. We'll work out our lives together. I don't want to apart either but for a few months we could manage. The time will fly by, I promise."

Holly reached up and put her hands on the back of his neck and pulled him down for a kiss. It was a short, no-so-subtle kiss that held the promise of more to come. Jethro wrapped her in his arms and kissed her again.

"So, does that mean you'll be living in Florida in a couple of months?"

"I guess it does. We can do this can't we? We'll go home and put the condo on the market and find the contractor you want for the house. By the time I come back that will be underway and like you said, I'll miss all the mess. You will work from your desk for a few months, take leave and then retire and we'll be together."

"Don't know about the desk part the rest of it sounds about right."

"Thank you Jethro. Thank you for helping me see this can work."

"I want you to be happy. I can tell you really want to do this and since I'm ready for a change it's good timing. Now, come on, let's finish our walk and go back for some breakfast."

The rest of their day and the next two were much like the previous four had been. They went to the beach after breakfast, read, watched the water and swam occasionally. After lunch they shared a cooling shower, made love and took a nap. It was decadent lifestyle that Jethro was pretty sure he could get used to; at least for a few months out of the year. In the evening they took long walks on the beach, went out to dinner and then back to the condo for a movie or just listening to music or the surf while they sat on the patio and enjoyed just being together.

On their last night there they were enjoying just such a late evening on the patio. The stars were bright, the moon shone on the water and the breeze was just perfect. In fact the whole night was perfect as far as Holly was concerned. Maybe too perfect she mused to herself.

"Jethro, do you ever worry that things have been too easy for us?"

"No. Don't think they have been. We've worked hard to make this work between us Holly. It didn't feel easy in the beginning. Not to me anyway."

"No I suppose not. But now, these last few months, things seem to be so good between us. I guess I'm just paranoid that something is going to happen to ruin it."

"It's not. Unless you find some beach boy you like better while I'm not here. You won't do that will you?"

"No, I'm sure that won't happen. I can't imagine finding someone I like more than I like you Jethro. But you know, we hardly ever even disagree. We never argue. I never get tired of you and you always seem to know just what I need. It all seems too good to be true."

"Geez Holly you sound like me. I'm the one who usually can't accept the good things that happen. Look, we both know what we want and we both know there are very few things worth making the other person unhappy over. We've both learned the hard way that it doesn't always have to be just the way we want it; whatever "it" is. I want you to be happy. That's a big part of what makes me happy. I don't want to hurt you or disappoint you. I don't want anymore regrets, ever."

Holly got out of her chair and pulled Jethro up out of his. She put her hands on his hips and pulled him against her. Looking up into those mesmerizing blue eyes she loved so much she wondered how she had gotten so lucky as to be in love with this man.

"Jethro, that is the sweetest thing you've ever said. I hope with all my heart that you never regret a moment we are together and just so you know, I expect that to be a very long time. Knowing that you are happy is the best feeling in the world for me. You're right, it wasn't easy in the beginning but the few struggles we had were well worth it for what we have now. I love you, Jethro. You will never have to doubt that. Not even for a moment."

It was hard to leave the next morning but they were both excited to get started on the next phase of their lives and to do that, they had to go home. Holly called Laura Bridges from the car while Jethro was driving them to the airport. She told her if the offer was still open she wanted to accept. Laura was delighted and said they would email Holly a contract but would talk to her in the next couple of days. Jethro spent most of the plane ride sketching out ideas for the house while Holly napped against his shoulder. Once again he was grateful for the extra width and space that came with first class seats.

When they got home that night they went to the condo. While they were getting ready for bed Jethro noticed Holly looking around the bedroom; taking a mental inventory it seemed to him.

"We don't have to move Holly. I can stay here most of the time and just keep the house for the basement and to have a place when you shouldn't have to put up with me."

"What? No I want to move. I'm just looking around to get an idea of changes we can make in the house. I want to move, Jethro, honestly I do. I'm excited about remodeling the house and making it a home for us."

"I want you to be sure. We moved kinda fast on that idea."

Holly stepped up into his space and put her hands on his chest, playing with the soft, curly hair there.

"You getting cold feet, lover?"

Jethro leaned down and nuzzled her neck and whispered in her ear, "not a chance. Can't wait to get you into our house and keep you there."

Holly laughed and pushed him down on the bed.

The next two weeks were a whirlwind of activity for both of them. Holly contacted a realtor friend who assured her the condo would sell quickly and for a good price. Holly was also busy arranging for different people to take over her responsibilities while she was in Florida. Although she was not the day-to-day director of the shelter in DC she was instrumental in its operation and the programs associated with it. She had a great staff though and they were more than capable of running everything in her absence.

Jethro was busy at work with two new cases the first week he was back but he managed to find time to talk to the contractor he wanted to work on the house. They met at the house one afternoon and went over everything Jethro and Holly had decided they wanted done.

"Pretty ambitious project, Jethro. What's your budget and time frame?"

Jethro and Holly had had several conversations about the costs involved in a renovation of this scale and of course, she had prevailed in her intention to pay her share. Jethro told Brian what their budget was and said they were not necessarily in a hurry.

"Can you get it done in three months if I do some stuff along the way?"

"Absolutely. Three months would be good. I'm just finishing a job in Falls Church and can start over here week after next if that's okay."

Jethro knew he could stay at the condo at least until it was sold and by that time Holly would be in Tampa. With Holly gone he could easily live in the house while the work was being done so he told Brian to plan on starting as soon as he could. Jethro had seen lots of Brian's work over the past few years and knew he was very meticulous and used only qualified workers. He knew this was going to be a huge change in his life and he was more than ready to get started. For so long he had resisted changing anything in the house but now he wanted to be able to move on with Holly and make a home and new life with her. He and Brian sealed the deal with a handshake and Jethro headed back to work excited to tell Holly things were on the move.

Everything was rocking along fine for Holly and Jethro until suddenly it wasn't. As it inevitably seemed to do, Jethro's job seemed to implode overnight and he was gone for two days, then home then gone again until Holly couldn't remember the last time they'd spent an evening together or eaten a meal or even had time to make love. Aside from a couple of quickies in the middle of night when Jethro stumbled into bed, their love life was falling apart. All that was bad enough but when Holly found a lump in her breast one morning in the shower things really began to crumble.

The discovery naturally frightened Holly and she immediately called her doctor for an appointment. She wanted to tell Jethro what was going on but she wasn't even sure where he was that day. The last she knew he was headed to Norfolk and planned to be back either the next day or the day after. She knew the case they were working on was consuming all their time and energy so she didn't want to call and talk to him about this over the phone and certainly not when he was so busy. She decided it made more sense to wait until she'd seen the doctor before she told Jethro anything. After all, maybe it was nothing.

While Holly was worrying about her discovery and anxiously awaiting her appointment, Jethro was becoming increasingly frustrated with their case. The trip to Norfolk was an almost desperate attempt to track down a lead that seemed unlikely to yield much in the way of results but they were stymied and he didn't have any other options. They had been so busy lately he knew he was neglecting his relationship with Holly but knowing and doing something about it were two different things. Almost twenty years of doing things a certain way, even when he knew that way would lead to disaster, was hard to overcome. Ever since their time together in Florida, Jethro had felt differently about where he and Holly were in their relationship. He felt committed to her, certain about what he wanted for the future and confident he could finally manage to stay with someone. The problem was he still found himself falling into old habits; staying away when he should go home, not talking about what was going on, not paying attention to the woman he loved. All the way to Norfolk he had brooded about the last week and all he knew when they got to their crime scene was that he needed to get it together before Holly was another name on his list of failures. Maybe, he thought, the fact that I know I'm screwing up is at least a good sign since I never did before. Small comfort but he'd take any positive he could find at this point.

They worked long into the night and by the time Jethro was alone it was too late to call Holly. He vowed he would call her first thing in the morning. It wouldn't have been too late to call really because Holly was awake most of the night worrying. When Jethro was looking at his watch deciding not to call, Holly was pacing the living room hoping the phone would ring. She knew she could call him but when he was working like this she didn't like to bother him. He always called anyway; when he could. Lately he hadn't been so good about that but Holly didn't let it bother her. She was more worried than upset but she knew if anything had happened to Jethro, Ducky would have called. Still, tonight she wished Jethro would remember to call.

Jethro was up at six o'clock the next morning and called Holly at six thirty. She sounded tired and he wondered if he had called too early.

"Hey, sorry if I woke you. I wanted to call last night but it was so late when we finished I decided not to. How's things?"

Holly had decided some time in the early morning hours that she was not going to tell Jethro about the lump until he was home. She didn't want him distracted at work and he couldn't do anything about it anyway from Norfolk.

"You didn't wake me. Things are okay. How's the case coming? Any progress?"

"Not much." Jethro heard something in her voice but he wasn't sure what it was. "You sure everything's alright? You sound tired or something."

"Well you know the sleeping problem I have? It's been pretty bad lately."

"Yeah, me too. Sorry about that. When I get back we'll make up for some of these missed nights. I know I've been gone too much and not really there even when I'm there. I don't want to do that."

"I know, babe." Holly could hear the worry in his voice. She knew he was always just a touch afraid something was going to tear them apart. She was determined that would not happen. "You concentrate on catching the bad guys and don't worry about me. We're fine Jethro. You and I are absolutely fine."

"Promise?"

"Of course. We're rock solid. Never doubt that I love you and I will always be here for you, Jethro, no matter what."

"Thanks. I guess I needed to hear you say it because I know I haven't been paying much attention to us lately."

"We have a lot going on that's all. Now, when will you be home?"

"Tonight I hope. If I'm not going to make I'll call you and let you know but I expect to be home tonight before too late. I love you."

"Love you back. Go catch whoever it is you're chasing and then come home. I need to see you."

There it was again. Something just a little off in her voice.

"Hey, you sure you're okay?"

Damn, he was much too good at reading her even when he wasn't there. She could never lie to Jethro in person and even over the phone it was difficult.

"I'm fine. Just tired and missing you. Go on now, I need to get ready and get to the office. Love you."

"Me too. Bye."

Something was wrong he knew it. Not between them but maybe at the office or with the condo selling or something. Jethro forced himself to let it go and went to meet DiNozzo and McGee to get the morning started and hopefully find what they were looking for. They didn't find the answers they were looking for but they had some better questions and they now knew their answers were back in DC so by four o'clock they were headed back to the Navy Yard. Jethro would be home by ten.

Holly kept herself busy at the office all day because her doctor couldn't see her until tomorrow. She kept telling herself the lump was nothing to worry about but at times she found her mind wandering down a dark road. Probably the same dark road so many women had traveled when they heard the words 'lump in the breast' or 'breast cancer'. There was no history of any such thing in Holly's family as far as she knew but she also new that didn't really matter. She knew several women who had no family history yet had been diagnosed with cancer. Just after lunch Holly was alone in her tiny office with the lights off and some music playing and she fell asleep with her head on her desk. Twenty minutes later she startled awake from a bad dream. She ran her fingers through her hair and shook herself to rid her mind of the thoughts of chemotherapy and surgery and being all alone in a hospital room. She went out for some fresh air and when she came back there were things to do and people to talk so and the afternoon flew by.

Jethro called at five thirty and said they were on their way back and he would be home no later than ten. There were leads to follow and people to track down but they had been working like crazy on this case and he was going to make sure they all got a good nights sleep tonight. Sending his team home by nine was almost early for them the way things had been going.

"Hey Boss, does she know we know about her?"

"She has a name DiNozzo. You're allowed to use it you know. And no, I haven't told her. We're kinda busy with some stuff and I forgot all about it. Why?"

"No reason. Just wondering."

He had intended to tell Holly about the team knowing they were together but when he got to Florida he didn't give his team another thought and since they'd been home he'd been preoccupied with too many other things. Jethro leaned back in the seat and closed his eyes. It was rare that he wasn't driving but he was trying to turn lose of some small things before he had to let go of everything. Some days he still struggled with the idea of retiring but most of the time he was sure he was ready.

Holly got home about seven and started some dinner because she knew Jethro had most likely not had a decent meal since he left. Once the chicken was in the oven she took a quick shower and put on some comfy clothes. She was exhausted but excited to have Jethro home at a relatively decent hour. She wanted to tell him what was going on and feel his strong arms around her. Being with Jethro, Holly felt completely safe, as if nothing in the world could hurt her. Not even a lump in her breast.

Dinner was ready at eight thirty and Holly took it out of the oven, covered it with foil and then took a glass of wine to the living room. She turned on some music and got comfortable on the couch. In about five minutes she was asleep.

Jethro arrived at nine o'clock and found her stretched out sound asleep. He sat down on the edge of the couch near her hips and leaned down to kiss her. She was so sound asleep she thought she was dreaming until Jethro pulled back and kissed her on the forehead at the same time he spoke her name.

"Holly, wake up babe."

She slowly opened her eyes and smiled at him. With that smile she managed to wipe away all the tension and frustration Jethro had been feeling for the past three days. She reached up and wrapped her hands around his neck and pulled him back down for another kiss. This one went from slow and sweet to hot and needy in the blink of an eye. When they finally had to breathe, Jethro sat up and let his hands drift down to gently caress her breasts and his touch brought Holly back to reality with a rush. She covered his hands with hers and moved to sit up.

"You could just stay there and I'll get comfortable and we can continue."

"I'd like that but first we eat and talk and then we get back to this. Okay?"

Jethro was surprised; Holly rarely turned down sex in favor of food and almost never in favor of talking. They were very much alike in that way. Now he knew for sure something was going on.

"Whatever you say, babe. I'm glad to be home by the way."

"I'm very glad you're here. More than I can say. Dinner will be on the table in ten if you want to shower first."

"I'll do it."

Jethro stood up and reached down to pull Holly up. He pulled her right into his arms and kissed her again. When he let her breathe he held her at arms length and looked her right in the eyes. He knew in his heart something was wrong.

"Whatever it is Holly we'll work it out. Together. I love you. Whenever you're ready just tell me what it is."

He kissed her lightly on the mouth and went to take a shower. Holly stood rooted to the spot amazed again that he could read her so well and always knew how to say what she needed to hear. For a man with a reputation for not talking he made the most of what words he did use. She realized she had no interest in eating. She wanted to tell Jethro what was happening so he could make it better. She waited for a few minutes then went sit on the bed and wait for him to come out of the bathroom. When he did, wearing nothing but a towel, she could hardly keep her hands in her lap. He looked at her and figured dinner was on hold.

Jethro dropped the towel and pulled on some shorts and a tee shirt. He ran his fingers through his hair and sat down on the bed next to Holly. She was sitting on the side of the bed, one foot on the floor and the other leg tucked under her bottom. He mirrored her position and waited.

Holly took Jethro's left hand and placed it on her right breast. It's amazing really how fast our thoughts can bombard us. In just fractions of a second we can have many terrible thoughts cascade through our mind. In the back of Jethro's mind he knew. He almost stopped breathing. The look on her face told him what was coming next. This wasn't about pleasure or sex; it was about something dark and scary. Memories of his mother flashed through his mind.

"It's okay, Holly. Say it."

She never took her eyes off his face. She needed to see his reaction.

"I have a lump in this breast. I found it a couple of days ago. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow. I'm scared, Jethro."

He did exactly what she wanted and needed him to do; he pulled her into his arms and wrapped her in an embrace that told her she was loved and cherished and that everything was going to be alright. Tears she had been holding onto for two days suddenly broke free and wet his shirt. Jethro ran his hand up and down her back and told her over and over again, "it's going to be okay. I love you and it's going to be okay." As scared as she was and as knowledgeable as she was about the statistics, she believed him. They stayed like that on the bed holding each other for a long time. Holly needed his strength and his love and Jethro needed time to get his mind around what was happening. After all, Holly had had a couple of days to process; he had only minutes. Jethro was well acquainted with the ravages of cancer and he was determined to give Holly whatever she needed that he could give.

Finally, Holly drew some deep breaths and pulled away. She wiped her eyes and gave him a weak smile. She reached up to touch his face and he kissed her palm. For a man so tough and hard in so many ways, Jethro was also remarkably gentle when he needed to be. Holly had never been with a man so full of contradictions and yet so loving and thoughtful. Tonight she saw the love she felt for him reflected back to her in his eyes and she was grateful to have him in her life, especially now.

Jethro moved to lean against the headboard and motioned for Holly to join him. She sat cross legged near his hip and he held her hands.

"Tell me from the beginning."

She told him about finding the lump during her shower, calling the doctor and worrying for two days.

"You should have called me."

"No, you're in the middle of a case and anyway, you couldn't do much from Norfolk. You're here now and that's what matters. I don't want you distracted at work."

"Holly, you are not a distraction. Well, you are but not in that way."

She laughed just a little and that made him feel good.

Jethro's stomach growled. "Was that chicken and rice I smelled earlier?"

"Yes, you must be starving. Let's go eat and we can talk."

There wasn't all that much talking while they ate. Jethro was famished and he made short work of his dinner. They were both sorting out their own thoughts; what would the doctor say, maybe it was something minor, how would this affect them if it wasn't something simple? All those questions and more tumbled around in their heads but they didn't voice any of them out loud. They cleaned up the kitchen, put away the leftovers and then Jethro led her to couch and they settled in.

"Okay, first of all this might be nothing to worry about. Second, if it isn't then we'll deal with that together. When is this doctor's appointment?"

Holly was not surprised by Jethro's reaction but she was still overwhelmed by his support.

"I go to the doctor at nine tomorrow. I'll call you as soon as I know anything."

"No you won't. I'll be there with you."

"You're in the middle of a case. You need to finish what you're doing."

"Yes, I have a case but I also have a team working on it. And, I have a woman I love who needs me to be there with her. Right?"

"Yes. Thank you."

Jethro got up and turned on some music, dimmed the lights and held out his hand to her.

"Dance with me."

Wordlessly, Holly got up and stepped into his arms. They moved together to the music for a long time. Holly loved dancing with Jethro because he was a very good dancer for one thing but mostly because she loved the way he held her and touched her. The way he kissed her so softly and whispered sweet things in her ear.

Very quietly, Jethro spoke directly in her ear, "no matter what happens or what the doctor says tomorrow, I will always love you. I will be right here, just this close to you no matter what. You must never doubt that for even a moment."

Tears sprang into her eyes and she blinked them away. She leaned into him and wrapped herself tighter around him.

"I love you so much, Jethro."

Jethro knew she was tired so he turned off the music and the lights and led her to the bedroom. They took their time undressing each other and then they made love and held each other until they fell asleep. Sometime after midnight Holly eased out of bed and went into the bathroom. Jethro felt her leave the bed and when she didn't come back in a few minutes he got up and knocked on the door before he stuck his head in to see of she was alright.

"You okay?"

Holly was standing at the vanity looking at herself in the mirror. She was still naked. Jethro stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her resting his hands on her stomach. He rested his chin on her shoulder and met her gaze in the mirror.

"Don't borrow trouble, babe. Wait and see what we find out from the doc."

"What if…"

"It won't matter to me. It will matter but it won't change how I feel about you. I won't lie; I love how you look. You are a beautiful woman and I enjoy your body but that isn't why I love you. I love all of you inside and out."

"I know, I'm just scared."

"It's okay to be scared but don't be scared about us. About me. I meant what I said earlier; I'll be here no matter what. Come back to bed."

Holly snuggled up to him and laid her hand over his heart reassuring herself of his strong presence with her.

"Have you ever been scared Jethro? I mean really scared."

Jethro thought for a moment then he said, "Yeah, when I strapped Kelly into the car seat for the first time and got in the car to take her home. I was so scared for a few moments I couldn't start the car. Shannon and I looked at each other and it really hit me that I was taking this tiny person home with no instruction manual, no idea what to do about most things and only each other to rely on. It was pretty scary for few days actually but pretty quick we got the hang of it and it was all good after that."

"You were scared of a baby but not of being in combat, being shot at?"

"Nah, I was trained for that. I wasn't trained to take care of a baby."

Holly laughed. "I never thought of it that way but I can see how that's true."

They were quiet then for a while and Holly thought he was asleep. Then he pulled her closer and she felt him take a deep breath.

"I was scared when I came back and they were gone. Had no idea how I was going to survive without them. Didn't know who I was without them."

Holly moved closer and leaned up and kissed him on the mouth. She didn't say anything because she knew Jethro didn't expect it. He didn't want her try and "make it better". He just wanted her to know he'd been scared but now he was here, with her. He'd survived his horror and she would too. With his help.

The next morning Jethro called DiNozzo and told him to keep working the case; that he would be there when he could but not to expect him until he saw him. Then he called the Director and told him he would most likely be out for the day on personal business. That was so rare Vance didn't question it. If Gibbs needed a day it must be urgent.

There was little conversation on the way to the doctor's office. Holly held tightly to Jethro's hand until they were called back to the office. It was the beginning of a long, nerve wracking few days but in the end, just as Jethro had said, everything was alright. Holly had a needle biopsy of the lump and it was simply a benign cyst. The doctor assured her there was nothing for her to be concerned about but told her she had been absolutely correct to assume the worst and call right away. He told her it was possible she would have another in the future and that she should always call and have it checked. The underlying message was she might not be so lucky in the future. Holly called Jethro at work with the good news and they celebrated that night with pizza and beer on Jethro's back deck.

The next three weeks were frantic as Holly's time to go to Florida was drawing near. She had an offer on the condo and was set to close in forty-five days. She spent an entire weekend going through all her furniture and personal possession, making lists and deciding what to move to the house and what to get rid of. Jethro wanted to keep the sectional; he loved it and it was perfect for naps. They decided to keep the bedroom furniture but downsize to a queen bed for the guest room and buy new for themselves. Many things would to into storage during the remodeling of the house and Jethro was going to have to be in charge of getting that done after Holly left. There just was not time to do it before she needed to be in Tampa.

"I hate to leave all this plus the remodeling on your plate on top of you working."

"Got any other solution?"

"No. You are perfectly capable I know but I don't feel like I'm being much help.

"You aren't."

That earned him a friendly punch in the arm. They were sitting in the kitchen of the condo having a late supper. Jethro had been meeting with the contractor and had plans for Holly to approve. He was pleased with what Brian had come up with and the demolition work was already underway.

"I like all of this, Jethro. It is a lot though. We're basically redoing the whole house."

"I know but once it's done it will be just exactly the way we want it."

"Can Brian really do this in three months?"

"Says he can. I'll be doing some of the finish work and I'll work on weekends as I can."

"You will kill yourself working and then working on the house on weekends."

"What else am I going to do with you gone? I can't go see you every weekend. I'll be fine. Except for missing you of course."

"I'm already dreading leaving next week."

"You will be too busy to miss me. This is a great opportunity for you Holly. Besides, you won't have a place to live in a few weeks. Get down there, get settled and I'll come see you when I can. I may be able to hop a flight to MacDill once in a while. It'll be fine."

"I know. Promise you'll be careful when I'm gone. I don't want any calls from Ducky."

"I don't want him calling you either."

"That's not a promise."

"I know."

The last few days before Holly left reminded Jethro of the last days before he'd deploy. He and Shannon would spend as much time together as possible and their lovemaking was always intense those last few days. It was no less with Holly which surprised Jethro. He never compared his relationship with Holly to his marriage to Shannon; he learned that lesson about the time he had wife number two, but he knew he loved Holly in a way he had not loved anyone since Shannon.

The breast cancer scare had shown both of them just how committed Jethro was to them staying together. Holly had not doubted his love but it was good to experience the support he had given her during those scary few days. It was revelation to Jethro as well. When he thought about it later he had to admit he was pretty scared for a while at the thought of losing her. The possibility of her having cancer was even more real than the idea of a bad guy coming after her and Jethro had seen all sorts of bad things in his mind for a couple of days. It brought back lots of painful memories of his mom suffering and dying with cancer and he had had to work very hard to keep his apprehension under check.

Now things were going just fine. The condo was sold, the house remodeling was underway and Holly was set to move to Florida for a year. He was set to retire in about seven months and then they would be together. In Jethro's mind the plan was to finish out the year in Florida with Holly then come back to DC. They would live in DC but spend the worst of the winter months in Florida. He was excited about the prospect of spending more time with Holly and also spending more time on some building projects he had in mind. The idea of retiring didn't scare him like it once had. If he was still listening to the little voice in the back of his mind he might be worried that things were going too smoothly.

Holly was scheduled to fly out of DC on Sunday morning so Jethro took Friday off so they could have a couple of days together before she left. Thursday night they were at the house wandering around looking at what had been done so far. The kitchen had been gutted and a wall removed to open up the dining room. Everything that wasn't essential to Jethro living there had been packed in a storage pod. Holly's possessions were going in another pod. Jethro was basically consigned to the basement which he didn't mind at all.

"You know you could stay at the condo for a couple of weeks until the closing."

They were in what used to be a guest room but would now be part of the master suite. Holly was looking at the space Jethro had promised would be her walk-in closet. He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Don't much like it there when you're not there."

"I thought you loved that condo."

"I do but if you're not there I'd rather just be here in the basement like old times."

"Don't get attached to those old times lover."

"Not a chance."

His hands were roaming and his mouth was on her throat. Holly turned in his arms and gave him a proper kiss. When she had to take a breath she kissed her way to his ear and nibbled on his earlobe.

"Let's get out of here. I want you in a bad way and there's no place for that here now."

Jethro pushed her up against the wall and pressed into her.

"Always a place for that. Can't wait until we're someplace else. Want you right now."

Jethro's mouth was assaulting her neck and his hands were under her shirt, lifting it up so he could get to her breasts. He pulled back just enough to pull her shirt and his off and then he quickly rid her of her bra. He pushed his hips against and leaned down to kiss her breasts. Holly reached for the button on his trousers and unzipped him slipping her hand in to stroke him. Jethro sucked on one nipple then the other then kissed his way back up to her mouth. Holly pushed his pants and briefs down and Jethro unzipped her skirt and let it fall to the floor.

Jethro pushed her panties off with one hand and then began teasing her with his fingers. He was in a hurry and he could tell Holly was right there with him. It was quick and hot and just a little bit rough and oh so satisfying. Jethro held her close as they came back to earth together. They were in no hurry now that their urgent desire had been dealt with.

"I still want you someplace a bit more comfortable."

"Me too."

Still they didn't move. They both enjoyed the feel of the other pressed impossibly close with nothing but sweat between them. Hands moved and lips caressed and Holly felt like if they didn't leave in the next ten seconds she was going to have sex on the floor. She wasn't entirely opposed to that idea but would have preferred at least a rug.

Jethro knew what was happening of course because it was happening to him.

"We need to go home babe."

"Yeah." That was all he could manage at the moment.

Holly started to laugh and when she bent down to pick up her clothes she laughed again and before long they were both laughing so hard they could hardly get dressed.

"What's so damn funny?

"I don't know. Maybe that we're having sex in a half-torn up house like we're teenagers with no other place to go when we have a perfectly nice home to go to."

"Yeah, well it happens."

"And I'm not complaining. In fact I have to say that was wonderful. But…."

"I know, you prefer a bed."

"Or at least a couch, or at the very least a rug on the floor."

"Come on, I know where there are all those things. Let's see how many of them we can use in the next two days."

"I'm betting all of them and then some."

"Damn right."

That prediction came true over the weekend when all the soft surfaces and several of the not-so-soft surfaces were made use of. They didn't leave the condo, didn't answer the phone, didn't turn on the television. Jethro had left strict instructions with DiNozzo and Ducky both that he was not to be disturbed until after five o'clock on Sunday unless it was a life and death emergency. Anyone already dead did not merit his attention. He figured Tony would have to handle things on his own pretty soon anyway so this would be good practice.

Finally after they had a late breakfast on Sunday, Holly packed her last bag and Jethro carried it to the door. She had one outfit left out and that was what she was going to wear on the plane. At the present time she was wearing a pair of Jethro's boxers and a tee shirt that was also his. It was all she'd had on since they got home after their impromptu christening of the walk-in closet. She was laying on the bed when Jethro came back in.

"Do you think we've had enough sex to hold us until one of us can visit?"

"The words "enough" and "sex" don't go together, Holly. At least not where the two of us are concerned. But, when you walk out that door in a couple of hours you will be on a no sex restriction until I see you again. And I will be on the same restriction."

"Yes, you most certainly will be. Just out of curiosity how long is the longest you've ever gone without sex? Since you started I mean, not the years before you started."

She was grinning at him in such a mischievous, sensual way he could barely swallow much less answer. He leaned over her, his hands on the bed on either side of her head. He kissed her very softly on the mouth.

"I was deployed overseas for months at a time remember. Was on a ship in the Med for six months one time. So, I can go a long time without it."

He kissed her again a little more forcefully this time. His eyes were memorizing every inch of her face as his mouth ghosted over her jaw and down her throat and then back to her mouth for a more serious, breath stealing, toe curling kiss.

"How about you?"

Holly had to take a moment to catch her breath. She placed her hands on his face and looked him in the eyes. She was going to miss doing that. Among other things.

"Before you and I got together I had been on a sort of self imposed hiatus. I had not been with a man for almost a year when I met you."

Jethro couldn't hide the surprise on his face.

"Hmmm, that explains it I guess."

"Explains what?"

"Well Holly when you and I first got together it was pretty intense if I remember right."

"Yes it was but that didn't have anything to do with how long I had been abstinent. It had to do with you, Jethro. If I had been with another man it would not have been like it was with you."

"Really?"

Holly ran her hands up under his shirt and pulled him down onto the bed with her. She moved aside so she could be on her side and Jethro was on his back. She propped her head on her left hand and her right hand stayed under his shirt playing with his soft, curly chest hair.

"Jethro you are the most passionate man I have ever known. You are so intense but so thoughtful at the same time it takes my breath away. I was blown away by how gentle you can be and at the same so demanding and so generous with your love. I was attracted to you from the very first time we met, I think you know that. That sort of instant, physical attraction doesn't necessarily always lead to something nice but in this case it certainly did. More than nice obviously."

"But you never thought we'd end up like this did you? I mean, together in a serious relationship?"

"No, I didn't expect that. I didn't expect to fall in love with you."

She leaned over and kissed him. There were so many things she wanted to say to Jethro before she left but she didn't want it to be a sad, difficult afternoon.

"Me either. But I'm glad you did. And I'm glad I fell in love with you."

"Jethro, I don't want to make this a difficult parting but may I ask you a question about Shannon?"

"Sure."

"How did you and she come to accept the long separations?"

Jethro was quiet for a moment and Holly could almost see the wheels turning in his mind. He closed his eyes and she imagined him picturing Shannon in the house they were currently remodeling; standing in the doorway telling him goodbye. She had no idea how women did that but she knew millions had done it over and over through the years knowing they might never see their men again.

"It was what we had always done. She knew I was happy in the Corps and she knew that was my job. It was harder on her than on me I'm sure. She worried about me getting wounded or killed and I was worrying about her dealing with bills and the house and all that everyday stuff. After Kelly was born it was harder for me to leave. I missed a lot of her growing up. It's hard to explain. It's just what we did. I was a Marine and I was doing something we both believed in but it was damn hard."

"I'm not comparing what we're doing now with what you and Shannon went through of course. I was just thinking about that this morning and I had to ask. I admire her and all the women who stayed home waiting. I don't know if I could do it."

"They say the toughest job in the Corps is being a Marine wife. I think that might be right. The homecomings were sure great though."

He was trying to lighten the mood and Holly was glad.

"Want to know what I'll miss the most besides the sex of course?"

"Yep."

"Watching you shave. Snuggling with you on the couch. The smell of you and the way you try to sneak up on me all the time and scare me."

"Try? I succeed in sneaking up on you, you mean. I'm going to miss watching you get dressed. And undressed. Holding your hand in the car. Your back rubs."

Jethro glanced over at the clock beside the bed and then rolled over and pinned Holly to the mattress with his body. Talking was over for a while.

They made love one more time; slow and all-consuming. Jethro hated the idea of being away from Holly for a couple of months but he was resigned to it. He knew he would be plenty busy between NCIS and the house and he knew Holly would be busy as well. He wanted her to be so busy the weeks flew by.

By the time they showered and dressed it was time to leave for the airport. Holly took a last look around; the condo would sold before she came back so this would be the last time she saw it. The movers were coming tomorrow for the furniture and boxes she had packed for storage. The closing would be done electronically thanks technology and very cooperative realtors.

On the way to the airport Holly went over everything in her head for the umpteenth time. She was confident Jethro could handle all the details but she was loathe to leave things in the hands of another person; even Jethro.

"There is so much to do Jethro, are you sure you want to deal with all this?"

"What are you talking about? Your stuff will be picked up tomorrow and put in a storage pod and moved to the storage yard to sit next to all my stuff in another pod. All I have to do is watch the guys load it up. I think I can manage that."

"I know. I just hate loose ends and I feel like I'm leaving lots of things undone."

"Is everything organized and delegated at your office?"

"Yes."

"Are you comfortable with Lauren running things?"

"Of course, she does most of the time anyway."

"Then there are no loose ends. You need to concentrate on getting settled in Tampa and getting things just as organized there as they are here."

"Okay. You make it sound so easy."

"It won't be easy but you like a challenge. You picked me after all."

"So true!"

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you for the comments and follows. Each one is appreciated.

 **To Retire or Not to Retire**

Chapter Four

The next two weeks went by quickly for both Holly and Jethro. The condo where Holly was staying was nice but it was small and not near the water. It was not far from the shelter and its offices but Holly wanted something closer to the water and she knew Jethro would feel very cooped up in the small confines. She began looking for a cottage or at least a larger condo. She appreciated that the condo was being loaned to her for free but in reality, Holly didn't have to worry about money. She had made a very good living in her past life and had invested wisely. Part of the plea deal she had made when she and Jethro first met-and he arrested her-was that she kept her money. With that security she had been able to leave her past behind and start over in a legitimate and worthwhile business. Now, she was going to use some of that money to find a place she and Jethro could enjoy together when he visited during the next year.

While Holly was busy getting the new shelter and its associated programs off the ground, Jethro was equally busy with routine but stressful cases. Nothing out of the ordinary but still it seemed he and his team were constantly working. He was pleased with the progress at the house and more than anxious to be able to move out of his basement. He talked to Holly every night and she seemed to be settling in and just as busy as he was. He didn't know about the real estate hunt she was on because she wanted it to be a surprise.

When Holly had been gone for a month Jethro finally had the weekend off and managed to hop a ride from Andrews AFB to MacDill in Tampa. He arranged for a ride to the condo and surprised Holly at about seven o'clock Friday night. He hadn't given any thought to the idea that she wouldn't be home but as he walked up to the door his suddenly realized she might be out with friends from work. He decided to call her.

Holly was in the bedroom just changing out of work clothes into something very casual for lounging at home. She planned to call Jethro and then just stay in with a movie or a book. The week had been very busy and she was tired. The phone rang as she headed for the kitchen and she was delighted when she saw who was calling.

"Jethro, hi I was going to call you in a few minutes."

"Hi babe. Listen could you do me a favor? I had something delivered to you, could you look and see if it arrived.?"

"I got home about thirty minutes ago and there was nothing here."

"Should be there now. Go check. Please."

"Sure. Hang on."

Holly went to the door and opened it to find her favorite person standing there with a big smile on his face. She was in his arms in two seconds. He never got a chance to say hello or surprise or anything for that matter. Holly was kissing him before he even knew what was happening. It didn't take him long to process though and very little time to catch up with her. He wrapped her in his arms and walked them through the door and into the condo without dropping his bag. He kicked the door shut and then he dropped his bag and swung her around.

"Surprise," he finally said when Holly let him breathe.

"A wonderful surprise at that. I am so damned glad to see you. Can you tell?"

"I'm not sure but I figure you can show me again. How are you?"

"Much better now. Oh, I've missed you so much, Jethro. Thank you for coming."

"My pleasure I assure you. I've missed you too. A lot."

Holly took him by the hand, "Come and tell me how you are. You look tired. But wonderful. Oh, I am sooo glad to see you."

She led him in to the small living room and with both arms extended she turned in a circle showing him the room.

"Welcome to my little place. Cozy isn't it?"

"Yeah, kinda small, like you said. But big enough for you. And me sometimes. Right?"

"Yes, because when you're here you aren't allowed to be very far away from me anyway."

"How are things going? You happy with the people you've hired and how things are set up?"

"Yes, very much but I don't want to talk about work. I want to know how the house is coming along and how you are. Have you been sleeping okay? Eating?"

"I'm fine. Work has been busy and the house is coming along. I have some pictures to show you. I sleep okay and yes, I eat."

They were sitting on the couch now and Jethro couldn't keep his hands off her. He pulled her onto his lap and ran his fingers through her hair and kissed her. When they came up for air, Holly put her hands on his face and looked him in the eyes. God, how she'd missed those beautiful blue eyes. He did look tired though.

"I was just going to have a glass of wine and relax. Do you want a drink? I can fix us some supper. I bet you haven't eaten."

"Yes, I'd love a drink. We can order out if you want."

"No, I have some lasagna left over from last night. I'll heat that and some bread. It's homemade lasagna from one of the women at the office. Delicious."

"Sounds great."

"Take a look around. The bedroom is the second door on the left."

Jethro got up and grabbed his bag and headed for the bedroom. He decided to take a quick shower and ten minutes later he was back in the kitchen in a pair of old shorts and a Marines tee shirt. He went to the patio door and looked out.

"Not bad really. Are you okay here?"

Holly came up behind him and handed him a glass with two fingers of his favorite bourbon in it.

"It's fine. Better with you here of course. You have pictures of the house?"

"Oh yeah, let me get them."

Jethro went to his bag and came back with a brand new tablet which he handed to Holly and said, "Abby sent this with me. The pictures are on there. She said you'd know how to find them."

Holly took the device from him and smiled at him indulgently. Jethro was definitely not a techie but he had so many other talents she didn't care if he could barely operate a cell phone.

"What's the password?"

"Bossman."

"Of course it is. I love it."

Holly entered the password and quickly found the photo icon. Jethro watched her pull up the first shot which was him holding a sign that said "OUR NEW HOUSE".

"Cute. Who took these?"

"Abby did most of them. I did a few after she insisted I learn to use the darn thing. Pretty cool little gadget I have to admit."

Holly was anxious to see the house but suddenly she stopped and looked at him and narrowed her eyes.

"Wait a minute. Abby took these and she knows you're here with me?"

Jethro realized he had never told her about the team knowing about them. He laughed at the shocked look on her face.

"Oh yeah. I forgot to tell you. They all know about us. Tony told me when we were chasing Sergei. He was worried about you and asked me if we should put some protection on you. Then he went on to tell me how they had each seen us out together at different places over the past months and they got together and figured it out."

"How'd they take it?"

"Fine. Abby was a little put out at first but she's fine with it. With you. Us. Tony said he knew because my hair was longer, my clothes were more expensive and I was happy. And you know what? He's right on all counts. Of course he better be; I trained him "

Holly laughed. She was relieved really because she knew Jethro didn't like keeping them a secret from his team. They were his family after all, especially how that Jack was gone.

"I'm glad. Are you okay with it?"

"Sure. It's a relief really. Okay, let's get to the picture show."

Jethro led her back to the couch and she settled in close to him. He put one arm around her shoulders holding his bourbon in the other. He watched her as she used one perfectly manicured and polished finger to move from picture to picture. She didn't say anything and moved fairly quickly through all twenty or so photos then went back and studied each one more closely.

"So?"

"I like it. Everything looks just as I had hoped. The kitchen cabinets are perfect. The glass in those two doors gives it just the look I wanted. What do you think?"

"I like it very much."

Holly continued on, making a comment here and there. She liked the floors downstairs and the wall color and the finishes in the bathroom. When she got to the pictures of the master bedroom and bathroom she spent a bit more time even though there was less completed there than downstairs. She paid particular attention to one picture of Jethro standing in the doorway of the future walk-in closet.

"Why are you in this one with that silly grin on your face?"

"Just remembering the last time I was against that wall. Or rather you were against it and I was against you."

Holly gave him a light jab in the ribs with her elbow. "I hope Abby didn't ask why you wanted to be in that particular shot and why you had that look on your face."

"She asked. I didn't answer."

"Which was like answering; for her anyway."

"Probably."

Jethro took the tablet from her and leaned into her and kissed her quickly.

"Let's go try out that bed of yours. I really need some lovin, and I need it right now."

"What about supper?"

"Later."

Jethro pulled her to her feet, she detoured them into the kitchen so she could turn off the oven and supper was officially delayed.

"I like this bed."

"Really? What's so special about it? It's just a regular queen size bed."

"You're in it. That makes it anything but regular."

"Sweet talker."

Holly raised her head from where she was resting on his chest and kissed him on the chin. She was stretched out with as much of her body touching his as was possible. Arms and legs tangled together and hands were roaming all the places she loved touching on Jethro. His hands were doing much the same thing on her.

"I have really missed this. How much longer until you retire?"

"About six months unless you want me to leave early."

"I want you to stay in this bed forever but that's not practical. Let's stick to the plan."

Jethro thought if lightening struck him at that moment he'd die a happy and satisfied man. Since that didn't seem likely he rolled over, pinning Holly beneath him and kissed her thoroughly and with a passion he'd been holding onto for weeks. When he finally pulled back he rolled over again and set his feet on the floor.

"Let's rinse off and then eat. I'm starving."

"I'm sure you are. You just burned up a lot of calories."

After they had eaten and cleaned up the dishes they went back to the couch. Holly looked at the pictures of the house again and Jethro promptly fell asleep. Holly watched him sleep for a long time. She never got tired of looking at Jethro. She still found herself surprised sometimes that she and this man were in love and still together after almost two years. In her wildest imagination she never expected to fall in love with someone like Jethro. She thought she'd be with some sophisticated businessman and travel the world staying in expensive hotels, eating in fancy restaurants and wearing designer clothes. At least that's how she pictured it when she was in college and then later working in the shadowy world she had inhabited for so long. Getting arrested and being unknowingly involved in murders for hire had changed her perspective very quickly.

Holly reflected on the many powerful men she had encountered in her past business life and how they had used her and vice versa. She had an elaborate network of important men and women who, over the years, had owed and paid her many favors. None of them had intrigued her nearly as much as did Special Agent Gibbs. Jethro of course, knew all about her days as DC's most prominent madam and what he hadn't learned during his investigation of her, she had told him about later. She had named names and been very honest with him about her life and her business. He had listened carefully as he always did and then he had asked her if she wanted to go back to that life or if she really wanted to lead a different life in the future. When her community service was over Holly had considered moving to another city and starting over. She certainly had the connections and references to go back into business elsewhere. She had given that idea very serious consideration but then Jethro invited her to lunch one day and she was so intrigued by him that she put off moving and before long she knew she didn't want to be somewhere where she couldn't see Jethro at least occasionally.

They had certainly come to their present circumstances from different places but over time they had learned that they were more alike than either would have imagined. Holly was now just as passionate about helping women escape violence and degradation as Jethro was about catching bad guys. They both cared about people who often didn't have an advocate; victims of all kinds, and they were committed to getting justice for those harmed by violence. Their methods may be very different but in their own ways they were both striving for the same end.

Holly put the tablet down and carefully woke Jethro with a light kiss.

"Let's go to bed lover."

Jethro woke up just enough to follow her to the bedroom, undress and fall into bed. Holly got ready and when she slipped in beside him, Jethro rolled over and pulled her back against his chest, holding her close with his arm around her waist.

"Night babe. I love you," he mumbled into her hair.

"I love you too."

The next morning Jethro was awakened by a phone ringing. He knew it wasn't his so he ignored it at first. When it didn't stop and he realized Holly wasn't in the bed he reached for the offending device and managed to answer it.

"Yeah, Gibbs."

The person on the other end was about to hang up when the grumbling voice answered. He didn't know who Gibbs was and thought he might have misdialed.

"Sorry. I'm calling for Holly Snow."

"Jus' a minute."

Jethro got out of bed and wandered into the bathroom. Holly was in the shower.

"She can't come to the phone right now. Wanna leave a message?"

"Please tell her Eric called."

"Got it."

Jethro put the phone down on the counter and then stepped into the shower.

"Well, good morning. I wasn't expecting you. You were so sound asleep when I got up I wanted to let you sleep in."

"Eric woke me up." Jethro wrapped a soapy, wet Holly in his arms and kissed her good morning. He was just barely awake but even in his sleep he knew what to do with a beautiful, naked woman in the shower.

"Eric?"

"Yeah he said to tell you he called."

"Oh."

The next thing Holly knew she was pressed up against the tile and Jethro was kissing her and running his hands up and down her sides and making it very difficult for her to think. She gave up and decided to enjoy this unexpected bonus. Shower sex was always a welcome way to start the day after all.

One of the many things Holly loved about Jethro was his body. Unlike a lot of men she had known, Jethro was still in great physical condition. He was all muscle and hard edges. In more ways than one, Jethro was a hard man. He didn't mind doing the dirty work in an investigation and if someone threatened his team he made sure that threat wasn't carried out. He had seen the cold reality of war and he was not hesitant to use force if necessary. He was notoriously quiet, he had a strict personal code he lived by and he tolerated very little in the way of nonsense. But….he was very gentle when he was with her and he was the most compassionate person she knew. He was unfailingly generous and never turned his back on anyone who needed help. She knew he was drawn to children and it saddened her that he had never been a father again after Kelly died. She knew he would make a great mentor to the young boys who were often at the shelter with their mothers. She had plans for him when he retired; he just didn't know it yet.

By the time they finally got out of the shower Holly had forgotten all about Eric calling. Jethro had not.

"Who's Eric?"

"What?"

"Eric. He called. Are you okay?"

Holly laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I'm very okay. You know, sometimes you make it hard for me to think straight. You overwhelm me Jethro."

"Is that a complaint?"

"Oh hell no. Just telling you how it is. Okay, Eric is a realtor who is helping me look for a place closer to the water. A place for us."

"You don't like this place? I thought it was free."

"It is but I want us to have a place on the beach. It was supposed to be a surprise but maybe he's found something we could look at while you're here."

Jethro finished drying off and went in search of his clothes. He hadn't said anything and Holly wondered why. She ran a comb through her hair and quickly dressed. She found Jethro in the kitchen in a pair of shorts and a tee shirt. He was, of course, making coffee.

"Jethro? What's the matter?"

"I'm just wondering if you're planning to stay longer than a year."

"No, I most certainly am not. I just want us to have a place we can enjoy. You will lose your mind in this tiny place when you come down fulltime. Right? Besides, we'll be coming back for part of the year in the future won't we?"

"Yeah, that's what I figured. I just thought we'd get a condo on the water somewhere. Sanibel or wherever."

"We can do that but for this year I wanted us to have a place we will enjoy. I'm just thinking of renting, not buying."

"Okay. That makes sense. Are they paying you enough to afford that?"

"No."

When she didn't elaborate, Jethro gave her a look but didn't say anything. They had agreed in the very beginning they would not talk about her money. He didn't know how much there was or where it was and he didn't want to know. Plausible deniability he called it one day. Holly was fine with that arrangement.

"So, you should call Eric back and see what he wants."

What Eric wanted was to show them a two bedroom cottage on the water in St. Petersburg. They drove over and met him there at eleven o'clock. It wasn't much bigger than the condo in terms of square footage but it had a porch on three sides, a garage and it was as close to the beach as you could get which was pretty darn close. Holly fell in love immediately. Jethro of course looked a little closer and found some things that needed fixing. Nothing big but enough that he was concerned with the overall condition of the home.

The three of them were sitting on the porch looking at the beach and the water. Holly had made up her mind but Jethro had questions.

"What's the story on this place?"

"The couple who own it have moved to an assisted living place. Their children don't want to let go of the place but none of them can live here right now. One of the daughters is planning to move down here in about a year or so. They want someone reliable to live here until then. I know there are some things that need fixing and Holly had said you are handy with stuff like that so I was hoping you two would be interested. I've known these folks for years and I really want someone trustworthy in this property. They are willing to let you have it at a very reasonable price and of course any work you did would be reimbursed or come off the rent."

Jethro thought it all sounded reasonable. The only thing that worried him was Holly living there alone until he moved. He voiced that concern and Eric was quick with his response.

"I understand that of course. This is a very safe neighborhood. I know because I live just three houses down the street. Holly will have someone nearby in case of emergency. My wife works from home and walks the beach several times every day so she will watch the house. I wouldn't suggest it for Holly if I didn't think it would be safe."

Jethro looked at Holly and then Eric and she knew what he was wondering.

"Eric's wife, Suzanne, is a volunteer at the shelter. I told her what I was looking for and voila, here it is. What do you think?"

"I think it's perfect. I will be able to keep busy and we will take good care of the place until the daughter can move in."

Holly asked, "What about furnishings? All our stuff is in storage in Virginia."

"Everything can stay. In fact they'd prefer it did. All the family's personal items have already been taken out."

"Then I have to agree with Jethro; it's perfect."

They sealed the deal over lunch at a nearby seafood restaurant but only after Eric agreed to have a security system installed. Jethro told him they would pay for it since he was insisting on having it done and Eric said he thought the owners would be fine with that. While they waited for their food, Eric called the daughter, Sarah Cooper, and told her he had the perfect renters. She was thrilled and gave him the go ahead to sign the papers. She agreed to having the security system installed and authorized Eric to deduct half of the cost from the rent. Jethro and Holly said they could meet him at his office later that day to finalize the paperwork. After lunch, Eric left to work out all the details and Jethro and Holly took a walk on the beach and then explored the area where Holly would be living and Jethro would be visiting; at least until the end of the year when he moved down.

"I know I kinda sprang this on you but I really think we'll enjoy it here. Are you okay with it?

"Of course. I like the house and the location couldn't be better. I like that you'll have someone nearby who you know. I think I may have to come visit more often."

"Gosh I never thought of that."

Even though they were on a public street, Jethro leaned down and kissed her. They had a couple of hours before they would meet Eric and Jethro was wishing they were back at the condo. His time with Holly was short and as much as he was enjoying seeing the area he really wanted some alone time.

"Eric gave you a key didn't he?"

"Yes. You want to go back and look the place over again?"

"I'd like to go back and look you over. Think they'd mind if we christened the place before we signed the papers?"

"Jethro!"

"Hey, I have to go home in about twenty-four hours. Time's a wastin' babe."

Holly didn't need to be convinced. They walked back to the cottage and let themselves in. They made sure to lock the door behind them then went straight to the larger of the two bedrooms. There were no sheets on the bed but Holly quickly found the linen closet and just managed to get a bottom sheet on the mattress before Jethro tackled her and kissed her until she couldn't think of anything or anyone outside that room.

Maybe it was the sneaking into a house that wasn't theirs yet or maybe it was seeing so many young, fit men walking around and noticing Holly, but whatever it was, Jethro was suddenly in a hurry. This was not a slow, seduction and careful lovemaking. This was hot and hurried and probably a little rougher than Holly was expecting. Sometimes, rarely, Jethro forgot how much bigger he was than her and he forgot he could be intimidating even when he didn't mean to be. This was one of those times. The first in a very long time and Holly was so surprised by his intensity she was almost swept away. Almost.

With her palms flat on his chest, Holly pulled her mouth from his and said very firmly, "Jethro, stop!"

That was all it took and he immediately went absolutely still. His eyes were closed and he was breathing hard. His hand between her legs moved to her hip and he rested his forehead on hers.

"What's going on all of a sudden?"

"Did I hurt you?"

She knew he hadn't meant to but yes, he was close to hurting her. This had not happened in a very long time and when it had happened before it was because they were both being rough.

"No, but you were going in that direction. You were almost out of control. What's going on?"

He rolled off of her and sat up on the side of the bed. He covered his face with his hands.

"I don't know. God, I'm sorry, Holly. You know I'd never hurt you on purpose."

Holly moved behind him and wrapped her arms around his chest and kissed his shoulder.

"I know that. Tell me what you were thinking about."

Jethro didn't answer for a long time. He covered her hands with his and tried to get control of his emotions. He didn't know what caused him to lose control and he didn't like that.

"I don't want to lose you."

"What? Where in the world did that come from? Jethro we just agreed to rent a house together. We're remodeling a house in Virginia. We love each other. What is it in all that that makes you think you'll ever lose me?"

"Seeing you here in a new place, happy and working. Building a new life. All the men who were looking at you today."

"Stop right there! Look at me Jethro!"

She pulled on his shoulder until he turned to face her. She was furious. In fact, Jethro had never seen her so angry; not at him anyway.

"Stop that shit right now! Do not insult me by thinking I would be the least bit interested in any other man! I. Love. You. At this moment I am not sure why but I do. You see me happy because you're here, stupid! I'm here because I want to do something good and because you gave me the courage to do it. Whatever your insecurities are you need to get rid of them right this instant! What any of that has to do with how you make love to me I don't know but you need to figure it out. And be quick about it!"

Holly got off the bed and quickly dressed and stalked out of the room. Jethro heard the door slam and figured she was on the porch. He scrubbed his hands over his face and fell back onto the bed. What the hell just happened? He really didn't know what had gotten into him and made him lose control like that. He admitted to himself that he was just a little bit anxious about Holly being down here by herself. He had just enough of the old Jethro left in him that he still wondered when she would wake up and realize what a bastard he was. He still sometimes expected to find her gone one day. Stupid he knew, but still, it was there in a tiny little place in his brain. Apparently today it had morphed into something not so tiny. He wondered if admitting that would make things better or worse. He pondered that for a little bit and then got dressed, took the sheet off and folded it and went to find Holly. He had always been honest with her and he figured today should not be any exception.

He found her sitting in the porch swing. She was swinging a bit more aggressively than that old swing was probably used to and he hoped it was up for the challenge.

"Can we talk?" His voice was soft and quiet and Holly knew he was feeling pretty low.

"Yes, but we need to go meet Eric. Let's hold off until we get back to the condo."

"Okay but I have to say one thing. I love you Holly. More than I ever thought I could love someone. I need to know you believe that."

"I do. If I didn't I wouldn't still be sitting here and you'd be walking back to the condo. Come on, we need to go."

Holly reached for his hand and Jethro pulled her up. They walked, still holding hands, to the car and made the drive to Eric's office in silence. Jethro was organizing his thoughts and Holly was working very hard to figure out what had triggered this meltdown or blow up or whatever the hell it was. Whatever they were calling it, she wanted it resolved tonight. Jethro felt like he couldn't breathe. He and Holly hadn't had a serious disagreement or any sort of issue between them since they got together. They had done all their arguing and storming out in the very early days of their relationship. The fact that Holly would stand up to him, disagree with him and storm out only to come back the next day or allow him in her house the day after that, was what had convinced Jethro that he had finally found a woman he could be with for a long time. He most certainly did not intend to let that be ruined by his fear. He had been sure until about two hours ago that he was through being afraid of having the woman he loved walk away from him. Now he had to make sure Holly knew the problem was all in him and that he had no doubts about her.

When they got to the condo, Holly went straight back to the bathroom without a word to him. Jethro paced back and forth in the living room waiting. When she came out Holly sat on the couch and Jethro immediately sat on the coffee table facing her. He took her hands in his and took a deep breath. Holly just waited. She could be maddeningly patient with him. She studied his face; the face she loved so damn much it hurt sometimes. She saw uncertainty in his eyes. And maybe a little bit of fear. She had already forgiven Jethro for what he had said so all she needed now was for him to explain himself so she could help him get past whatever it was that was wrong. She had a pretty good idea what was scaring him but she needed Jethro to talk to her about it. Otherwise this would keep happening periodically and she didn't think that was healthy.

Finally, Jethro was ready. He looked in her eyes and gave her a small smile.

"First of all, I'm sorry I got too rough and hurt you. I never want to do that. Second, I want you to know; you have to know, that I trust you absolutely. I have no thought or idea that you would take up with another man. Please believe me when I say this is all my problem. Holly, there is still a part of me that wonders when you will wake up and realize you could do so much better. Alex says I just don't have a frame of reference for what we're doing together; staying together for so long. I don't want to screw it up but sometimes I think I will anyway. No woman I've loved has ever put up with me for this long. No one but Shannon. Not any other wife, not Jenny, no one. I guess Ducky is the only person who has been able to stick it out with me for the long haul.

I never expected to fall in love with anyone after Jenny died. I figured I'd lost my chance and I was okay with that. I was okay with short term arrangements. Then you came along and, well we know what happened after that. I guess today I just let that little, insecure part of me take over and I was operating out of fear instead of love. I don't ever want to do that to you again."

During his little speech Jethro looked at Holly a few times but mostly he concentrated on their hands. Holly was rubbing her thumbs back and forth over his knuckles the entire time he was talking. She never took her eyes off him and when he looked at her she looked him in the eyes and tried to let him see she loved him. Jethro took a deep breath and looked up finally. His eyes were wet and he blinked a few times trying to ward off the tears that were threatening to fall.

Holly pulled their joined hands up and kissed his fingers. Then she let go and reached for him. She put her hands gently on his face and pulled him toward her for a soft, lingering kiss.

"Jethro, what can I do to help you believe in us? I know we are in some new territory and there are a lot of changes going on for us but especially for you. As much as you need me to believe in your love, I need you to believe in my commitment to you. You know I love you. I want to be with you always. I want to live with you, celebrate with you, cry with you and grow old with you. Please, please put that voice that tells you bad things out of your head once and for all."

Holly could tell without him saying so that he had talked to Alex about them and about his fears. It was obvious by the way he phrased things and she was glad because Jethro always paid attention to what Alex told him and she trusted her advice. If he had talked to her about his fears that was half the battle. Getting them out in the open was always better. At least Holly thought so.

"Babe are you worried about retiring?"

Jethro moved to sit beside her on the couch.

"Yeah, I think so. I mean I'm not conscious of worrying but I think I am. We've had some complicated cases lately and I've been really focused and honed in on a lot of stuff and I wonder if I'm going to miss that. I just never thought I'd be in this position and I'm not a hundred percent sure I'm doing the right thing."

"Have you talked to Leon about it yet?"

"No. Well, I've hinted but I haven't come right out and said I've made up my mind."

"Then don't. Jethro you don't have to give up the job you love right now. We're working okay and we'll continue to be okay. When the house is finished I'll be up there more often. Maybe you should just take some extended leave over the holidays or whatever and then decide if you want to go back."

"Don't suppose you'd like to just tell me what to do?"

"If it was up to me you'd call Leon right now and say you weren't coming back. But it's not up to me. I want you to be happy and be sure. I'll be with you no matter what you decide and I mean that. I'm not going anywhere."

"I think with the whole Sergei episode over and fading into the background I might be forgetting how sure I was just a few months ago. He's gone but I have to remember there will always be another Sergei around the corner. I can't afford to forget that."

"What does Ducky say?"

"About what you say. Be sure, don't retire for the wrong reason."

"Have you talked to Alex about it?"

"No. Maybe I will but I think I just need some more time. Anyway, let's not talk about it anymore. Are we okay?"

"Yes, we are very much okay. Thank you for talking to me about this, Jethro. As long as we talk about things we will be fine. Remember what I told you in the very beginning about what it would take for me to walk away from you?"

"Yes, if I ever hit you or cheat on you. Two things I will never do."

"Then I guess you're stuck with me. I know other women have made promises to you and then broken them. I won't do that. The only way you'll know that's true is to stick with me. Right?"

"Right. Can we be through talking now?"

Holly's response was to get up, pull off her shirt and head for the bedroom.

"Last one in the bed is on the bottom!"

Jethro wasn't sure whether to hurry or not. He liked it when he was on the bottom. And when he wasn't. One thing was certain, he didn't stay on the couch thinking about it.

About three hours later Jethro woke to the very pleasant sensation of Holly's breath puffing out on his chest and her body wrapped more or less around his. Her head was on his chest, left arm slung over so her left hand was on his right bicep and her left leg was wedged between his legs. Her right leg was up against his left leg. She was obviously asleep but as was her custom she was moving. Barely but still her body was moving against his and he was either going to have to do something or just lie there and endure the sweet torture she was unknowingly performing.

Jethro very lightly ran his hand up and down her bare back and occasionally under the sheet he had pulled over them to pay some attention to her perfect smooth, soft butt cheeks. That elicited more moving and pretty soon Jethro's reaction was more than just the enjoyment of having a beautiful, naked woman in his arms. Now he was definitely going to have to move. He threw the sheet back and expertly turned them over. Now he was about half on top of Holly with his leg between hers and his hand softly caressing first one breast then the other. Holly opened her eyes and smiled up at him.

"Well hello there Marine. Whatcha doin'?"

"Thinkin about doin you if that'd be alright."

That brought out a laugh and Holly pulled him down and kissed him.

"Oh well I suppose it would be alright. In fact I might insist on it."

She wrapped her hand around his cock and kissed him again and that was all she wrote for a while. Jethro took his time and kissed pretty much every inch of her before he went back and tasted his ten or twenty favorite spots. By the time he finally gave in to her pleading and insisting, they were both so far gone it didn't take much to push them over the proverbial edge.

When she could speak again Holly asked him, "Do you think we'll ever get tired of that?"

"Hell, I'm tired now."

Holly began laughing and couldn't stop. Tears ran down her face she laughed so hard and Jethro couldn't help but join her. He knew in his soul he would never get enough of this woman and in that moment, lying with her, exhausted from wonderful sex, he believed she would never leave him. Not by choice anyway. He damn sure wasn't ever going to leave her.

They finally got out of the bed and ate supper. They sat up late talking about the little house on the beach, her work, his cases and all the things people talked about when they were planning a life together. Jethro was as relaxed as he had been in weeks. He was happy that Holly was so excited about the work she was doing and was very happy when she reiterated that she planned to be there for only the first year. She was confident the staff they were assembling would do a wonderful job and she knew her heart was really with the shelter and programs in DC. Not to mention her new house and the love of her life being there as well.

On Sunday morning they went out to breakfast and then back to the cottage. Eric had given them an inventory of the furnishings there and they wanted to go over it and sign for everything and also see what they needed to buy for themselves. There was a list of everything plus photos so they took their time and made sure everything was as listed. While Holly concentrated on the lists, Jethro took photos and notes on some of the repairs he thought needed to be made. There was nothing major; the family had taken good care of the home, but there were some minor things that obviously the old couple had not been able to fix themselves. Jethro wrote it all down and then added a note to Eric that he would work on these little things whenever he could. He didn't find anything that needed immediate attention. The only thing he insisted he wanted immediately was the security system. Holly agreed and said she would take care of it before she moved in.

"Promise me you won't move in before you have it installed."

"This from the man who never locks his own door."

"I do when you're there. Promise me."

"I promise I will not move in until a security system is installed."

"I'm going to have McGee call you with a recommendation as to what you should have. Okay?"

"Sure. Will you also let him teach you how to do face time on that tablet you brought down?"

"No but I'll have Abby show me."

"Or, I could teach you when we get back to the condo. I'm finished checking the lists and everything is here just like it says. Are you through?"

"Yeah. You want to take a walk on the beach before we go?"

"Absolutely."

They took a long walk, holding hands and enjoying the afternoon together. They stopped at a small café and had lunch then walked back to their car. Jethro was catching a very early flight in the morning so they made it an early night. Holly did give him a tutorial on how to face time on the tablet and he was happy to show her he did have some ability with technology. They went to bed early and fell asleep all tangled up in the sheets, sweaty and tired but very pleased with each other.

Jethro's phone alarm woke him at four o'clock. He carefully got out of bed, took a shower, shaved and dressed. He gathered his clothes and bag and then sat on the bed to tell Holly goodbye. He smoothed her hair back from her face and kissed her softly on the mouth.

"Gotta go babe. Love you. Call me later."

Holly opened her eyes and wrapped her arms around his neck pulling him down for a more satisfying kiss. She didn't want to let go of him but she did, reluctantly.

"Bye. Thank you so much for surprising me. I love you, Jethro. Please be careful. I'll try and come up in a few weeks."

"Okay. Bye. Go back to sleep."

Jethro kissed her on the forehead and forced himself to get up. His ride would be there any minute and he needed to get going. He hated this being in different states but it was only for a little while. He kept telling himself that all the way to the base and then all the way back to DC.

For the next few weeks things settled into a routine for Jethro and for Holly. They were both busy in their respective jobs but tried to talk every night. Sometimes Jethro's work didn't allow that and on those nights neither of them slept as well as they did when they were on the phone together before they went to sleep. The house was almost finished and Holly had been trying to find a weekend when she could get up to DC and help deal with moving all their stuff in. She had ordered the bedroom furniture online and it was scheduled to be delivered on Wednesday afternoon the following week. She hoped Jethro would be able to be there for the delivery.

"Wednesday? Really? How am I supposed to be at home in the middle of the week in the middle of the day?"

"I don't know, Jethro but that is when it is being delivered so you need to be there."

Holly was exasperated and Jethro was frustrated so neither of them should have been on the phone with the other.

"I'm sorry but that is the only day this company delivers in our area. I gave you this date two weeks ago when the order was confirmed."

"And I told you that I can't predict when someone is going to get murdered!"

"Jethro, please do not shout at me. This is not worth us being angry with each other. I will call them and tell them to hold the delivery until I can be there."

Jethro took a deep breath and ran his fingers though his hair. He was tired and stressed and taking it out on Holly.

"No, don't do that. I'm sorry. Look, I'll be there or I'll have someone there."

"Jethro, what's going on?"

"Just some bad stuff here lately. We're into some stuff that is taking up a lot of time and not producing much in the way of results. Can't talk about it really. Sorry I yelled. When are you going to be up here?"

"The weekend after the furniture delivery. I get in Friday evening and I'll take a cab to the house. I can't wait to see you and the house. And, to try out the new bed."

"That sounds very good. Send me your arrival time and if I can I'll be there. If I'm not there you know I'm working."

"Okay. You take care of yourself, Jethro. I love you and I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Love you too. Bye."

When that Wednesday rolled around, Jethro and his team were knee deep in a case with the FBI and there was no way he could get away to meet the furniture delivery guys. He sent DiNozzo and McGee in one car and told Bishop to wait for him then he detoured to Abby's lab.

"Abby, I need a favor. Can you get away this afternoon for an hour or so?"

"Sure, what's going on?"

"We're having some furniture delivered and there's no way I can be there. They're going to call when they're about thirty minutes out. Could you go to the house and meet them?"

"Of course, I'm not working on anything right now. Where does this furniture go?"

"In the master bedroom."

Jethro noticed how Abby's eyes lit up and her smile got really big but he didn't say anything. Instead he pulled a piece of paper from his jacket pocket and handed it to her.

"Here's a diagram of where each piece goes I want you to look it all over and make sure there are no scratches or anything wrong with any of it. Call me if there's any problem. Or you can call Holly. Here I'll write her number on here. I guess that might be better since she's the one who's been dealing with this. Anyway, just make sure it's okay."

"I will inspect it thoroughly and make sure it is all exactly where you want it. Is Holly coming up pretty soon to see the house?"

"This weekend. Thanks Abs."

Jethro and his team were raiding a house in Fairfax when Abby let the furniture delivery men in the house. She inspected each and every piece with a fine-tooth comb and declared it all good. She watched carefully as the bed was assembled and other pieces placed in the room according to the diagram Jethro had given her. The furniture was beautiful and Abby couldn't help but imagine her favorite person in this room with the woman he loved. That thought made Abby very happy.

When Holly landed on Friday evening Jethro was not there but he had sent her a text telling her he was working. He had had both of the storage pods delivered to the house so all their belongings were waiting in the driveway. Holly got a cab to the house. She was very disappointed that Jethro couldn't be there when she saw the house for the first time. She was excited about all that had been done and the pictures looked fabulous but she knew it would be so much better if he was there with her when she saw it in person for the first time. It couldn't be helped though so she just went on by herself. When she got there she paid the driver then stood at the door for a long time before she unlocked it and went in.

It was practically a new house and she loved it immediately. Even without their furniture it was wonderful. She had picked out the paint colors and everything was just as she had hoped. The blinds had been installed the week before; again her choice and she loved them. Jethro had insisted she pick out what she wanted and he vetoed her choice only if he really couldn't stand it. That happened only on the backsplash and his choice turned out to be better anyway. He also chose the kitchen and bathroom fixtures and the ceiling fans. Of course she had the same veto power over his choices but she had not exercised it at all. He had wonderful taste and everything he chose, she loved. The floors had been sanded and refinished and they were beautiful.

Holly ran up the stairs to see the bedroom furniture. Abby had sent her a couple of pictures but seeing it for herself was so much better. They had chosen a Mission style set and she loved it even more now that she was seeing it in person. It was large but not massive; masculine in some ways but not overly so. She thought it fit Jethro perfectly and she loved the simple lines and classic styling. She was very much looking forward to christening it later that night.

She tore herself away from the bedroom and went to check out the bathroom and her infamous walk-in closet. The bathroom was just a wonderful as she expected; large walk-in shower with plenty of water jets, a spa tub and a large vanity with two lavatories. Everything was perfect! Holly took a moment to imagine living here with the love of her life for years and years to come. It all seemed too good to be true and was certainly more than she had ever expected. She shook herself and decided she needed to find the linens in her storage pod and make up the bed before Jethro got home.

Everything was neatly organized in the pod and Holly easily found several boxes of linens and towels. She carried them into the house and made up the bed with her favorite sheets and comforter. She hung some towels in the bathroom and put the rest away in the linen closet. The she sent Jethro a text that said, _'bed has clean sheets on it….hope you can come home pretty soon and help me mess them up. Love you xoxox'._

Jethro got the text as he stepped into autopsy to see Ducky. They had finally wrapped up the case they had been working on for three days and he was exhausted. Between working almost around the clock, sleeping in the basement and sleeping alone he wasn't getting any meaningful rest. He refused to sleep in the bedroom until Holly was home. Tonight would be a very welcome change for more than one reason. But he was a bit reluctant to go straight home so here he was with his oldest, most trusted friend to have a drink before heading home.

"Jethro, what are you doing here? Isn't Holly at the house by now?"

Jethro held up his phone and said, "She is indeed. Waiting to christen the new bedroom furniture if I read this text correctly."

Ducky looked at him without expression. "And yet here you are. What's the matter, my friend?"

"Need to get this case and some of this stuff we've been working on out of my head first. Thought you might have a drink with me. And talk a bit."

"Of course. This was a disturbing case I agree. But you've had worse, much worse. What's really bothering you?"

"You know we're picking up some chatter about kids and ISIS; kids being recruited over the internet. I just have a bad feeling we're about to get pulled into something. I can't explain it but you know how sometimes you get a premonition? Well, I'm getting one. Mike used to get a feeling every now and then that a bad one was coming and sure enough in a week or two or three here we'd go with a triple homicide or something like that. Got a bad feeling Duck."

"Well unfortunately your gut is usually right. You know how I feel about borrowing trouble; don't do it. Whatever is happening out there you cannot change it. You will have to deal with it possibly, but right now you will have to wait for it to show itself. More importantly you have a beautiful woman waiting for you at home. Rather anxiously I imagine. That is a luxury you must not take lightly. You should certainly not keep her waiting while you stress and stew about things over which you have absolutely no control. Put all this chatter as you call it out of your head and concentrate on your new house and your lovely lady."

Jethro swallowed the last of his drink and stood up. "That is exactly what I intend to do, Duck. Thanks for letting me vent. It helps a lot. Come on, I'll walk out with you."

When Jethro got to the car he called Holly.

"On my way. You need anything?"

"Just you lover. Hurry but be safe."

"Twenty minutes. Be ready."

He hung up before Holly could reply. She had unloaded several more boxes from the pod but had not opened any of them except a few kitchen things. She was mainly looking for a corkscrew since she intended to celebrate with a bottle of wine she just happened to have for the occasion thanks to the cab driver being so patient as to stop for her on the way home. Surprisingly enough there was some good cheese in the fridge and some acceptable crackers sitting all alone in the cabinet. Not exactly gourmet but it would certainly do for the two of them. When she didn't find the corkscrew she decided beer would have to do. Or, bourbon if Jethro preferred. The wine could wait for another night.

Holly took a few minutes to freshen up then went outside to wait for Jethro. She wanted to walk in the house with him pretending it was her first time to see it. It sounded silly even to her but that was what she wanted to do. She stood in the yard studying the flower beds and thinking about what all she wanted to do this coming fall and then next spring. She had some ideas about landscaping; something Jethro had neglected for too long, and she could visualize such a beautiful yard to go with their beautiful house. Even now when she and Jethro had been together for two years she was still in awe of how wonderful things were turning out for them. She had never been happier.

Jethro drove up and found Holly sitting on the front porch. He smiled to himself and thought how nice it was to have her to come home to. It had been such a long time since this house was really a home and now it would be again. Holly didn't get up; she just sat there smiling at him and waiting. Jethro got out and walked up to her.

"You are a sight for sore eyes Ms. Snow and I like the sight of you sitting there."

Holly stood up and they hugged and Jethro gave her a proper kiss hello.

"I wanted to wait for you out here so we could walk in together and I could pretend to see the house for the first time."

Jethro looked at her with a raised eyebrow and shrugged. "Whatever makes you happy is fine with me."

"You make me happy."

"Likewise. Shall we go in?"

When they walked in the door, Holly reached for Jethro's hand and she didn't let go until they had toured the entire downstairs. She pointed out every detail and told him how much she liked everything that had been done. She exclaimed over the floors, the blinds and the appliances. She complimented him on the paint and the crown molding and the countertops and especially the backsplash. As Jethro listened to her obvious appreciation and excitement he knew all the weeks of sleeping on the couch in the basement were worthwhile. As much as he was pleased with all the renovations he was even more pleased with Holly's reaction.

They moved upstairs and Holly again pointed to all the things she really liked and leading the way was the new laundry room which had been Jethro's idea, and of course the new bathroom. The walk-in closet was a favorite for obvious reasons and naturally she loved the bedroom.

"The furniture looks really good in here. I really like it, you did a great job babe."

"Thank you. I love the colors in here. This is going to be my favorite room, I think."

"Good because I plan on us spending a lot of time in here."

"We could start that right now if you want."

She had her hands on his chest and she was pushing him back against the wall. Then her hands were in his hair and her mouth was moving slowly and deliciously up his throat, along his jaw, finally coming to rest on his lips. She kissed him a just barely there kiss then she leaned in closer and blessed him with a decidedly more urgent and demanding kiss. Jethro responded instantly by tangling his hands in her hair, turning them around so she was against the wall and pressing against her showing her exactly what she was doing to his control. In fact, control was in short supply and within the first few minutes of the kiss they were shedding clothes and falling onto the newly made bed.

All the pent up desire and longing they felt pushed them to an almost frantic pace and they christened the new bedroom with a loud, passionate lovemaking that left them both struggling to get their heart rates and breathing back to normal. Jethro had collapsed almost on top of Holly and when he rolled over they were both flat on their backs breathing hard. Holly reached for his hand and laced their fingers together.

"Wow, I guess we've kinda missed each other."

"Ya think?"

Holly moved over and laid her head on his chest and he wrapped his arms around her. Neither of them spoke for a long time until finally Holly raised up and looked at him with a small smile on her face.

"We are going to be so happy here. I absolutely love the house, Jethro. Almost as much as I love you."

"It's been a long time since this place was a happy home but it is now. And with you in my life it will be for a long time."

"Are you hungry?"

"A little but I want to show you something first. There is one more thing that's new that I'm guessing you haven't found yet."

That got her attention and Holly climbed over him and out of the bed. She pulled on her underwear, slacks and shirt leaving the bra on the floor.

"Well come on Marine I want to see my surprise."

Jethro laughed at her but he got up and pulled on his pants and tee shirt.

He led her downstairs and to the door to the backyard.

"Close your eyes", he directed.

Holly did as instructed. Jethro opened the door and standing behind her with his hands on her waist he guided her out onto the deck. He turned her to the right and let go of her moving to stand beside her so he could see her reaction.

"Okay, open your eyes."

Holly opened her eyes and immediately a huge smile lit her face.

"Oh my god, Jethro! I love it!"

They were standing on a new deck and Holly was exclaiming over the new hot tub in the corner. There was a new table and chairs, umbrella and grill. It was a fabulous outdoor living space that was all brand new. Holly threw her arms around Jethro's neck and kissed him.

"This is wonderful. I had no idea you were doing this. It's perfect."

"Well, I wanted to have a surprise so I wouldn't let Abby take any pictures out here. It was actually Brian's idea. We were sitting out here one evening when they were through for the day and he commented that the old deck needed replacing. We got to talking and one thing led to another and here we are."

"Well, I need to thank Brian for his idea. But I will surely thank you for making it happen. Is the hot tub ready to go?"

"It sure is. Ready and waiting for you."

Holly looked around the backyard and was grateful for the trees and shrubs surrounding the yard. They had almost total privacy since it was near dark.

"I could get us some snacks together if you'll get us some towels."

"Sounds like a plan."

Holly got the cheese and crackers together then found a summer sausage in the fridge so she sliced some of that and got each of them a beer. Jethro came in the kitchen with two beach towels and together they got everything to the deck. They sat at the new table and enjoyed their snack-which would undoubtedly turn out to be their dinner-and talked about anything and everything. Jethro wanted to hear all about the little house on the beach and how things were going with the shelter there. He was secretly hoping that Holly would get things settled to the point that she didn't feel the need to stay there the entire year. Now that the house was finished he wanted her here in DC with him. Especially if he decided not to retire at the end of the year. That was still up in the air but even if he did he wanted her home. Of course he would never tell her that but it was certainly on his mind.

For her part Holly was hoping Jethro had made up his mind about retiring. She didn't want to ask because she didn't want to influence him one way or the other. Of course she wanted him out and safely at home with her but that had to be entirely his decision. Holly thought he seemed preoccupied and tired but then he was tired all the time these days. She knew he'd been living in the basement almost since the renovation began and for that reason alone she was very glad the house was finished and she was here to see it. Jethro could have been in the bedroom for days but she knew he waited for her to get here before he even used the kitchen much less the bedroom. Well, that was over now and he could finally enjoy the house even after she went back to Tampa.

After they had eaten and drank their beer, Jethro took the plates and empties to the trash and came back with two more beers. He pulled off his tee shirt and tossed it on the table then held out his hand to Holly.

"Care to join me for a soak?"

"Certainly."

Holly quickly stripped and stepped into the tub. The water was deliciously hot and felt wonderful. Jethro stepped out of his shorts and joined her. He settled next to her and immediately relaxed. He laid his head back and tried to empty his mind of anything except that fact that he was next to a very beautiful, naked woman who just happened to be in love with him and vice versa. He concentrated to Ducky's advice to not borrow trouble. He thought it was working. He certainly didn't feel worried at the moment.

"Jethro, this was probably the best idea you have had in a very long time. I absolutely love this. Thank you a thousand times."

"You're welcome. I think I like it myself. Especially with you in here and cold beer close at hand.

That was pretty much the end of conversation for a while. There was a lot of kissing and touching and more kissing and then some more intimate touching and some laughing and then things got quiet and they just enjoyed being together.

After a while Holly thought Jethro was much too quiet and his breathing much too deep and she was afraid he was asleep.

"Hey, lover, don't go to sleep on me."

"Hmmm, yeah we better get out or I will fall asleep."

Jethro stood up and wrapped a towel around his waist then helped Holly step out into a towel he held up for her. He wrapped her up and kissed her softly on the mouth.

"You go on in and I'll put the cover on and be right there."

"Okay."

When Jethro got upstairs, Holly had turned down the bed and was in the bathroom brushing her hair out. Jethro went in to brush his teeth and rinse off in the shower. Holly joined him but just long enough to rinse then she got out and dried off. While Jethro was finishing she smoothed on some lotion and brushed her teeth. Now that they were both all clean and smelling good they managed to take their time and give the new bed a more proper christening.

There had been many nights in the last months that Jethro lay awake in the basement remembering times like these. Times when he could spend endless minutes kissing Holly, tasting every sweet spot and caressing every soft place. Tonight, finally being together in their 'new' house, in a brand new, very comfortable bed, he forgot all about the backaches he'd endured from sleeping on his old couch. Tonight, with hardly any furniture in the house, no food in the kitchen, his clothes still in the basement, he felt like he was in a real home for the first time in many, many years. Tonight, with Holly snuggled into his side sound asleep he forgot about the worries he used to have about how they would work their pasts out together.

 _When they first got together Jethro had sometimes wondered about the men Holly had been with before him. He thought he was bothered by those thoughts because he knew some of them had been in a professional context and not a romantic one. Admittedly, he had been with not a few women in his lifetime but for some reason it seemed different to him. He tried very hard not to let it bother him but apparently, way back in the beginning, he had not always been successful. One night Holly called him on it as they lay in bed after some rather intense but not wholly satisfying sex._

" _Jethro, is something bothering you tonight?"_

" _No, why?"_

" _Well, that wasn't exactly our best effort for lack of a better word. I just thought maybe something was upsetting you that you might want to talk about."_

" _Not sure I can."_

" _Because?"_

" _I don't want to hurt your feelings or make you angry."_

" _I see. Jethro we've covered a lot of topics in the last couple of months. I think considering the fact that we have been friends for a while and are now to the point where we have pretty good sex on a pretty regular basis we should be able to talk about anything with each other. I mean, just think about the things we have done with each in this bed. Do you think I have any secrets from you? Do you think I would encourage you to do the things you to and with me if I didn't trust you completely? The answer to that is no, by the way."_

 _Holly was on her side with her head propped up in her right hand and her left hand wandering up and down his torso. Her nails scraped carefully in random patterns that had a tendency to drive him nuts. For his part, Jethro had one hand in her hair and the other ghosting up and down her side. It was a comfortable, intimate embrace they shared quite often._

 _Jethro screwed up his courage and said, "Sometimes I wonder about the men you were with professionally." He said it in a rush and quietly as if he was embarrassed to be saying it. Which is because he was._

 _Holly's left hand stopped and she looked at him with narrowed eyes. Jethro immediately wanted to apologize but as he opened his mouth she silenced him with two fingers pressed carefully to his lips._

" _What do you wonder about, Jethro?"_

 _Her voice was calm and even and he didn't think she was angry._

" _I don't even know. I mean I know it's stupid but I can't seem to completely put it out of my head. I hate that I even said anything. You don't have to explain anything to me about your past. It really doesn't matter, Holly."_

" _It must. Jethro, you have had four wives and how many girlfriends or casual sex partners?"_

" _I don't know. A few I guess."_

" _I have had no husbands and several semi-serious friends with whom I shared a sexual relationship. You know very well that I worked as an escort for some years and during that time I did have sex with men for money. Not often and not for very long because I did not enjoy it. I enjoyed the money; I needed the money and as soon as I could get out of that end of the business I did. For the last ten years or so I have had sex only with men I was otherwise attracted to and involved with and believe me that was not very many. Does that address your concerns?"_

" _Yes. Please know that I care about you Holly and I don't judge you for what you used to do. God knows there are many things I don't want to be judged for in my life. I respect you for getting out of the business and for what you're doing with your life now. You are very important to me."_

 _He stopped short of 'I love you' that night and it was quite a while later that he finally reached that conclusion and told Holly he loved her._

" _Jethro, you need to understand that what you and I have is not something I have ever experienced with another man. I trust you. I feel things for you that I have not felt for anyone else. You are important to me too."_

 _After that night Jethro never gave another thought to Holly's past sex partners. He never again worried about her past or his past or anything else but their present and maybe the future they would have. That was still pretty far away at that point but he was certain that night they at least had a chance._

 _TBC_


	5. Chapter 5

It's a long one but I couldn't break it anywhere else unless I made it really short. I figure you're getting used to long chapters by now!

 **To Retire or Not to Retire**

Chapter Five

The next morning Jethro woke to two sensations; one very good and one not so welcome. He wasn't sure if the scent of coffee or the Holly's absence in the bed was what woke him up. He looked at the clock on the bedside table and was surprised to see it was almost eight o'clock. He couldn't remember the last time he had slept so late. Then he thought about how the two of them had been up late getting reacquainted and then about four o'clock he had been awakened when Holly climbed back in bed after a trip to the bathroom. Since he was awake she had proceeded to take advantage of him and by the time he fell back asleep he was wiped out. He did remember he was smiling and so was Holly so it had been worthwhile. Now he knew he better get moving because they had a lot to accomplish today.

Holly was in the kitchen sipping her first cup of coffee and getting ready to take one to Jethro when the doorbell rang. She couldn't imagine who was visiting at this hour on a Saturday. She had let Jethro sleep because he was obviously exhausted but they needed to get busy if they were going to get the unpacking done today. She wasn't quite sure how they were going to get all the furniture moved by themselves but she hadn't taken time to worry about it yet. She figured Jethro would have that handled. Before any of that could be sorted out she needed to see who was at the door.

Holly opened the front door to find Tony standing there with the rest of Jethro's team behind him and a couple of other folks she hadn't met before.

"Morning Ms. Snow. Sorry to bother you unannounced but we thougth you and the Boss might need some help with the unpacking of these two pod thingys."

"Good morning to you all. My goodness, yes we could certainly use the help. Come in. Jethro is upstairs. Make yourselves at home and I'll be right back."

Holly stood back and while they all streamed into the house, she went upstairs to get Jethro. She found him in the bathroom brushing his teeth.

"Morning." he mumbled around his toothbrush.

"Jethro, your team is downstairs. They are here to help us unpack."

Jethro looked at her as if he didn't understand what she was saying. He had not said anything to anyone about them moving into the house today. Ducky must have alerted them. Well, it was unexpected but not unwelcome that was for sure. He rinsed and spit.

"Okay, well I better get dressed and get down there. First I need a kiss."

Holly gave him a very nice kiss then she patted him on the butt and told him to hurry up. As she turned to walk away he grabbed her wrist and pulled her back against his chest.

"Hey, that was a very nice wake up you gave me whenever it was. I enjoyed it very much."

"Me too. Maybe we can do it again sometime."

"Count on it."

Holly decided to put on her work clothes while she was in the bedroom. She found some comfy old jeans she had thought to pack and an NCIS tee shirt she had liberated from Jethro last year some time. Jethro pulled on some clean shorts and a Marines tee shirt. Before they left the room, Jethro had to have another kiss. He pulled Holly against his chest and framed her face with his big hands. He looked her right in the eyes and then he kissed her until they were both out of breath.

"Jethro, we have people downstairs."

"I know. That's why I'm kissing you up here. Might not get another chance for a while."

He brushed his thumb across her lips and kissed her on the nose.

"I love you by the way."

"Likewise. Now come on before DiNozzo comes looking for us."

"He better not or he'll be looking for a new job next."

"Yeah right."

This was going to be the first time the team had seen Jethro and Holly together with all of them present. Jethro wasn't worried but Holly was a little bit anxious. After all, this was like meeting the family and Holly knew they knew about her past.

"Hey, it'll be fine. They're all good with us. Don't worry."

"Okay. Thanks for reading my mind."

When they got downstairs they saw that Abby and McGee's girlfriend, Delilah, had taken over the eating bar in the kitchen and had covered it with bagels, fruit and drinks. Abby threw her arms around Jethro's neck and hugged him fiercely as was her habit. When she disengaged from him she hugged Holly although not quite as tightly.

"We thought you probably didn't have much food. Or any food actually so we brought breakfast. Ducky will be here this afternoon with lunch. We just wanted to help you get all moved in so you could enjoy your time together as soon as possible. Hope that's okay."

"Abby, it's wonderful. Thank you so much. I didn't know how Jethro and I would manage the furniture but now I do. Thank you all for coming."

"Yeah, thanks guys. Where's Bishop?"

"She and Jake had something to do this morning but they'll be here in about an hour."

"Okay, well let's eat and get to it."

They all dug into bagels and Jethro poured the coffee. As he watched his agents interact seamlessly he was very proud of the team they had built. He wondered if he would really be able to say goodbye to them in a few months.

Tim stepped forward and introduced Delilah and Holly.

"I'm not much help with moving but I figured I could at least supervise."

"Oh, I have just the job for the two of us. We'll get the kitchen boxes in here and you can help me organize. How does that sound?"

"Perfect. I love the kitchen so that's right up my alley."

Holly had already bought shelf liners so once the eating was finished she and Abby cleared the bar and the three women got busy cutting and placing the liners in the cabinets and drawers while the men unloaded furniture and boxes.

"Holly, the house is so fabulous. It's really like a whole new house."

"Yes, it's wonderful isn't it. I'm very pleased with everything. I think we'll be very happy here."

"I have to tell you that the Bossman is already very happy. He is practically a new man since the two of you got together. Thank you for that. He's very important to me; to all of us and we're grateful he's finally found someone to love. And who loves him."

Holly was very touched by Abby's comments. She knew how much Jethro cared for his forensic scientist and it meant a lot to her that Abby was accepting of her relationship with Jethro.

Delilah spoke up, "I don't know Gibbs very well but from Tim has said, Abby is absolutely right. Gibbs is a very different man than the man Tim started working for. Of course there have been a lot of things happen over the past few years but from what I can gather, you are the positive change in his life."

"Okay, ladies you're going to make me cry so we have to change the subject. Thank you for your kind words and be assured Jethro has made an equally positive impact on my life. Now, Delilah tell me about where you're working these days. Jethro said you were in Dubai for a while."

The three women got the kitchen ready for dishes, pots and pans and all the things that went in drawers and cabinets. Holly went out to the pod that had her things in it and located the kitchen boxes. She corralled Tony to help her carry them in the house.

"Thanks for being here Tony. This is a wonderful surprise."

"Well, we figured you were here this weekend and we knew the house was finished so we decided to make ourselves useful."

"How did you know I was here?" She was sure Jethro didn't talk much about them at work.

"Ah, well, we can always tell when you're coming or here or when the Boss is going down to see you. His mood elevates about six notches and he doesn't growl quite as much. Bishop hasn't caught on yet but the rest of us know him well enough to gauge these things."

Holly was intrigued but not surprised. She knew she was certainly in a better mood when she was coming to DC or Jethro was visiting her. It made her feel very good to know he reacted in a similar fashion to her being here. Jethro showed up as they were carrying two boxes toward the front door.

"DiNozzo, are you making yourself useful or trying to make time with my girl?"

"Little bit of both?"

"I figured. Here, give me that box and you get two more and come on."

Holly just laughed and went on into the house. Jethro caught her and gave her a quick kiss before depositing his box on the kitchen floor.

"You want all the kitchen boxes in here now? From both pods?"

"Sure if you can get to them. Just stack them over there and we'll sort them out."

"Okay."

The work went quickly with so many people helping so by the time Bishop and Jake showed up they had all the boxes unloaded and were ready for the furniture.

"Holly, I need you to come direct where you want this living room furniture."

Holly stepped out of the kitchen to find Tony, Tim, Jimmy and Jake wrestling the couch part of the sectional through the front door.

"If you guys scratch that new paint you'll be here fixing it. And Holly will be furious."

"Jethro! Don't worry guys we have plenty of paint if we need a touch up. I think it pretty much has to go in front of the window, don't you?"

Holly stood beside him and Jethro put his arm around her shoulders and kissed her on the head.

"Yeah, but I wanted to hear you say it."

"Okay guys maybe just a bit of an angle sort of more facing the fireplace."

The men set the couch down and then carefully, so as not to scratch the floor, reset it to the proper angle. They stood, each at a corner waiting for the final word from either the Boss or the Lady of the House.

"That's perfect. Thank you."

Jethro just stood and looked at it and Holly thought he was going to want it moved. It was larger than his old sofa; deeper and a bit longer, so it took up pretty much all the space right in front of the window. Holly had been unsure about bringing since it was so big but Jethro insisted. He loved that couch and he didn't want to part with it. They had removed the partial wall that had defined the old dining room so now the living area was larger and she thought the couch looked fine there. They had to leave the other parts of the sectional but Holly was okay with that.

"Is that okay with you Jethro? If you don't like it there, say something now while we have these guys here to move it."

"No, it's good there. Coffee table in front and the that long narrow table behind like it was at the condo?"

"Yes, that will be perfect."

About that time the guys appeared with the two tables and put them where Jethro directed. Next came the spare bedroom furniture and the office furniture. All that went upstairs and Holly went back to the kitchen.

When Ducky arrived at noon with pizzas and beer and sodas everyone was ready to take a break. Holly found paper plates and they all took their food outside to the new deck.

"Wow, Boss this is fabulous. I can see hot tub parties back here for sure."

"Jethro, this is very nice. Was she surprised?"

"Yes she was. DiNozzo, you have a party over here I better not hear about it from the neighbors."

Tony grinned, knowing he had just been given permission to use the hot tub anytime the Boss was out of town. That was a privelege he would certainly use but not abuse. Lunchtime was over and everyone got back to work for a couple more hours. By three o'clock both pods were empty and everything was in place except for what was in the many, many boxes left to be unpacked.

Jethro gathered everyone in the living room to thank them.

"We really appreciate all your help today. Once we're all settled and can manage our schedules we'll have you all over for a proper house warming. Thanks for giving up your Saturday to help us."

Holly added, "I was wonderful to have you all here. Please know you are always welcome and we expect to see you often."

Ducky spoke for the group, "We were very happy to be able to help. This is a beautiful home and we know you two will be very happy here for a long time."

"That's the plan Duck."

Jethro hugged his oldest, most trusted friend then Abby and soon all the goodbyes had been said and Jethro and Holly were home alone. They looked around at all the boxes still to be unpacked and both of them sighed with a combination of exhaustion and determination to get a little bit more done.

"Come on lover, it's only afternoon. We can get a lot more done today."

"Okay, where do you want to start?"

"Let's do the books and things that go down here then see about the upstairs."

That's what they did and three hours later they had unloaded almost all the boxes. There were still things to hang on the walls and odds and ends to find a place for but the majority of everything was put in its place. Holly had been able to bring all her art work and between them they had agreed on the placement of each piece. Some of it went upstairs and her favorite went in the bedroom. Jethro promised to get all of it hung up before she left tomorrow night. At six thirty they both collapsed on the bed.

Holly reached for his hand.

"I wish I didn't have to leave tomorrow."

"I know."

They were quiet for a long time. They were lying on their backs holding hands. Jethro had his eyes closed and he was trying to figure out what the right thing to say was. Holly was staring at the ceiling wondering if Jethro would ask her to stay. She thought she wanted him to but on the other hand she had made a commitment and she didn't want to walk away from it early. She wanted him to ask her and then understand when she said no. That sounded incredibly unfair to her when she ran it through her mind.

"I would love it if you could stay here but I don't think you're ready to just yet. You have some unfinished business in Florida. Right?"

Holly squeezed his hand and swallowed down the tears that were threatening.

"You are right on both counts. I want to be here with you but I made a deal and they are counting on me to be there for the year. I can't walk away from that."

"And I don't want you to. We're fine and we can manage a few more months. I'm definitely retiring at the end of the year so basically all we have to do is make it to Christmas. I'll take annual leave the last two weeks of the year and then I'll be done. It'll be here before you know it."

"This is what you really want?"

"Yeah. There was a minute this afternoon when I asked myself I was really ready to walk away but then I looked at everyone and saw how damn young they all are and I suddenly felt my age. They're ready to be in charge. Ducky will be retiring pretty soon I imagine. It's time to turn the reins over to DiNozzo and let him run the show. I'll do all I can to make sure that's what happens."

Holly rolled over and kissed him on the cheek.

"I'm glad you've decided for sure. Why don't we get cleaned up and go find some dinner somewhere?"

"Okay but only if you promise to get in the hot tub with me when we get home."

"I think that sounds wonderful. In fact, maybe I can find us something that will sustain us until tomorrow and then we won't have go out."

"That's even better. Come on, I'll help you."

After some dinner and a soak in the hot tub, they fell into bed exhausted. In what was becoming a nice habit, they were both awake in the middle of the night and spent some time making sweet love. Holly, who had been so tired just a few hours earlier had been revived by her sleep time and she couldn't seem to get enough of him. There seemed to be a lot of rolling around and position changes but Jethro was certainly not complaining. Sometimes he wondered where she got all her energy; especially at three in the morning. She paid very close attention to every place that he really liked her to be and by the time he collapsed beside her he was really hoping the next few months flew by just as he'd said they would. Otherwise, one of them was going to be racking up a lot of frequent flyer miles.

Sunday they finished unpacking and under Holly's watchful eye, Jethro hung all the art work and pictures. When it was time for her to go Holly silently packed her bag while Jethro waited downstairs. Now that they were in the house it was going to be harder to leave. When she came downstairs, Jethro was sitting on the couch looking very morose. He knew he needed to put on a good face but this leaving was harder than he had expected it to be. All the work they had done on the house had made it a home for the two of them and Jethro knew he was really going to feel Holly's absence even more than he had in the past few months. It felt to him like they should be together in the house; not that he should be here alone anymore. It wasn't just _his_ house anymore; it was _their's_.

Holly stood on the bottom stepped and looked at him there on the couch all sad and quiet. She understood how he felt without him saying anything; she felt the same way. Now they had a home together and that was something they had not had before. This made it more difficult for her to leave but she was determined to finish out her year. Jethro was right; the next three months would fly by and soon they would have all the time together they could stand.

Jethro got up and took her bag from her.

"Come on, we better get going."

"Jethro, I know what you're thinking and I feel the same way. It's our house now and we want to be here together. And we will be. Soon. Just hang in there with me for three more months."

"I will. It's fine, I just don't want you to go yet. But I won't want you to go tomorrow or the next day either."

"You know what, I bet by the time you've been retired for a month and home everyday you will be tired of seeing me all the time. We've never had that much togetherness. Who knows, it might not work."

"Bite your tongue! I don't imagine I will ever get tired of you. Vice versa maybe. Come on or you'll have to run all the way to the gate."

The next three weeks went by quickly with both of them busy at work. Holly was enjoying living on the beach but she missed Jethro every day. Walking on the beach and watching sunsets by herself were reminders of who wasn't there. She tried to compensate with lots of electronic contact but even after all this time, Jethro still wasn't much of a talker on the phone. They did face time a couple of times a week but usually late at night and she always felt she was keeping Jethro from where he needed to be; in bed asleep.

Jethro was busy with routine cases and the attendant paperwork which was the part of the job he would certainly not miss. There was still an undercurrent of chatter about some ongoing recruitment of young people in the area by a supposed radicalized Islamist but so far that was all it was; just chatter with no specifics. With Holly gone, Jethro had fallen back into working on the boat until very late and then sleeping on the couch in the basement. He just couldn't sleep very well in their bed alone so he opted for the familiarity of the couch. His back protested almost every day but he just ignored that. He had gone to the Director two weeks ago and told him he was retiring at the end of the year. Leon was understanding but not one hundred percent sure Gibbs would go through with it. He assured Jethro that he would give Tony first consideration as his replacement.

Jethro was thinking of taking a couple of days off to go see Holly when a case broke that would be the beginning of a very bad time for all of them. It started out as a routine murder investigation; if there was such a thing. A female petty officer crashed her car into an all night café and the cause was a severed carotid artery she'd obviously suffered prior to the crash. The investigation took the team to a place they never expected to go. All the bad vibes Jethro had been getting for the past several weeks came to pass.

The dead petty officer had been working as a computer expert so NCIS needed their own expert to crack her laptop and figure out what was going on. That expert turned out to be a young agent who aspired to work for Gibbs. Ned Dorneget had been around for a couple of years and had done some minor work for the MCRT. Now he was working in the cyber unit and had done some really good work there. He was as much a computer expert as McGee. Dorneget still wanted to work for Gibbs so when he was sent upstairs to help the team with a computer investigation he was thrilled. Gibbs was happy to see the young man doing so well. He liked Dorneget and thought he would be a good addition to the team in the future. Now though he needed him to crack the petty officer's computer and help them figure out why she was murdered.

What Dorneget, McGee and Abby uncovered took them all to a dark place none of them had imagined. They found a chat room that was luring vulnerable young people into terror. Eventually they traced one of the names in the chat room to a young man in the area and Tony and McGee went to the house to talk to him. They really only wanted to talk to him; they didn't know the full extent of what was going on at this point. When the young man bolted out the window and escaped in his mother's car they quickly discovered a lot of incriminating evidence in his room and on his computer. By the end of the day, Jethro was in a confrontation with the young man that would turn deadly at the last possible moment.

They located the teenager on a city bus and managed to get it stopped and all passengers evacuated safely. Now it was just Jethro and the young man with a backpack bomb and his finger on the trigger. Somehow this youngster was connected to the murder of the petty officer. Jethro talked to him calmly and quietly forcing the young man to focus on him and what he was saying. Jethro offered him a way out; encouraged him to put down the bomb and come off the bus to where his mother was waiting. The kid was listening. He put the trigger back in the pocket of the backpack as he neared the front of the bus. Jethro was standing on the steps and the young man was almost to him when, for some reason a siren sounded, startling the boy and taking his focus off Jethro. As the boy looked around at all the cops surrounding the bus he grabbed the backpack and ran back down the aisle of the bus. Jethro yelled after him and desperately tried to talk him down again but it was too late. The boy detonated the bomb and Jethro was thrown violently back away from the bus door where just seconds before he had been about to get himself and the boy safely away.

They were lucky in some ways; as lucky as you can be when a bomb detonates mere feet from where you're standing. The bomb wasn't a very large one and the bus itself shielded them from the worst of the blast. Jethro was the one nearest and Tony was not much farther away standing near the back of the bus when the bomb exploded. Jethro was still lying on the ground when McGee and Bishop came to their senses and ran to him. He had landed mostly on his back and the breath was knocked out of him. His head slammed onto the sidewalk shortly after his back absorbed most of the blow. A piece of shrapnel had cut his head just above his right eyebrow and another had cut him on the right thigh. Neither were all that serious but the head wound was bleeding quite a lot and the thigh hurt like hell. When Bishop knelt beside him Jethro was just beginning to come around and open his eyes.

"Gibbs, don't try to get up. Let a medic check you out."

He saw her lips moving and he knew what she said because he was pretty good at reading lips, but he couldn't hear her. There was a faint ringing in his ears but as he glanced around he realized he couldn't hear anything that was going on. He saw a lot of movement and activity but he didn't hear any of it. At all. Of course he tried to get up but McGee put his hand firmly on his Boss' chest and shook his head no.

"You need to wait, Boss. Paramedics are right here."

Two fire department paramedics knelt down to check him out and Jethro relaxed. He hurt all over and he was angry with himself for not getting the young man out of the bus. He let the medics do what they needed to do. They got the bleeding on his head stopped with a gauze bandage and wrapped another on around his leg after they cut away his pant leg. He indicated to them he couldn't hear them and they began insisting he go to the hospital and he was just as insistent that he didn't need to do that. He wriggled all his fingers and toes and moved his head all around which they didn't particularly want him to do but he did anyway. They looked at his eyes and took his blood pressure and then reluctantly had him sign a form declining any further medical care. Jethro was familiar with the form having signed a number of them over the years.

Finally the paramedics left him and Jethro hobbled over to where Tony and McGee were conferring. Tony started speaking to him and Jethro told him he couldn't hear him. McGee used his tablet to ask what he wanted them to do.

"Once Ducky and Palmer have the body or what's left of it get everything you can to Abby. We have to figure out who was giving this kid his direction. That's probably who killed our petty officer."

About that time Jethro's phone vibrated at his waist. He pulled it off his belt and flipped it open to see it was Holly calling. He hesitated just a moment then handed the phone to Tony.

"Tell her I'm fine but I can't hear right now. Tell her it's no big deal and I'll call her later."

Tony answered just before the call went to voice mail.

"Jethro, are you alright? I just saw the news about an explosion on a bus and it said NCIS was there. I know I shouldn't be calling you but I just need to hear your voice and make sure you're alright."

She was talking so fast Tony couldn't get a word in. He looked at Gibbs and shrugged and Jethro just shook his head. He might not have been able to hear the actual call but he could hear her in his head. He knew that frantic tone and the way her words tripped over each other. He knew she'd be worried and exasperated if he didn't answer.

"Ms. Snow, it's Tony. The Boss is okay he was just a little too close to the blast so his hearing is temporarily…."

"What do you mean too close? You mean he can't hear?"

"It's just a temporary thing, ringing you know. I'm sure it'll be fine in no time."

"Was he hurt otherwise? Were any of you hurt?"

"No we're all fine. He's okay he just got a couple of small cuts is all. Nothing serious I promise."

Jethro looked at him and made a slashing motion at this throat to indicate he wanted him to end the call.

"Can he talk to me? I'd like to at least hear his voice."

"Sure, here he is."

Tony handed the phone to Jethro who looked at it like it might bite him. Tony got him to look at him and told Jethro she wanted to hear his voice so Jethro sighed and took the phone.

"Holly, I'm fine. Just a ringing in my ears. I promise I'm okay. I'll call you as soon as I can. I love you."

Then he closed the phone and went to talk to Ducky who was entering the bus with Palmer close behind. The phone vibrated again and Jethro flipped it open to find a text message from Holly. _I love you. You better not be lying to me! XOXO_ Jethro smiled in spite of the circumstances.

Holly had had the television in her office on but with the sound muted when she glanced up and saw a news alert from DC. She turned up the sound in time to hear the reporter say there had been a bomb blast on a city bus. The woman went on to say local police and NCIS were investigating. Holly immediately tried to call Jethro at his desk but of course he didn't answer. That was when she called the cell phone and got Tony. As soon as Jethro disconnected from her she was on the phone to the airlines to book a flight to DC. There was one leaving within hour.

Holly shut down her computer, packed her laptop in her bag and headed out of the office. She stopped only long enough to give her assistant a brief recap of what was going on and told her she would be gone for at least two days. She got in her car and headed for the airport. She didn't care if he wasn't injured seriously she knew he had been looking for a young boy and if that was who had set off the bomb she knew Jethro would be taking it hard. Anytime a child or a young person was involved in one of their cases he got even more invested than usual. She knew why and that made her even more sensitive to how he was acting and reacting during those cases. If Jethro had had any contact with this young man, if indeed he was the bomber, she knew he would take it very hard. She wanted to be there for him but the real truth was she needed to see him for herself and know he was okay. She needed to touch him and feel him all solid and strong in her arms.

After almost three hours collecting evidence and talking to bus passengers the team headed back to NCIS. Jethro was hurting all over and he still couldn't hear much of anything. He gave into Ducky's badgering and went straight to autopsy after giving the Director a quick update. Jimmy Palmer was busy at the far end of the room and Ducky simply pointed to the nearest steel table and disappeared into the back room for his medical supplies. Working as closely as he did with Jethro he was always prepared to do minor procedures since Jethro was loathe to go the hospital.

Ducky gave Jethro as thorough an exam as he had in a long time. He was concerned about concussion but fortunately and miraculously, Jethro showed no symptoms. Ducky cleaned the cut over his eye and closed it with some glue and butterfly bandages. The wound on the thigh was a bit of a different matter. It was deep and though the paramedics had cleaned and bandaged it, stitches were needed. Ducky told Jethro to lie down and prepared a syringe of deadening agent.

Jethro reached for Ducky's arm and asked, "What's that?"

Ducky looked straight at him so Jethro could see his mouth. "Just to deaden your leg so I can sew you up."

"Okay."

Jethro relaxed and closed his eyes. He kept seeing the boy running back into the bus and the whole thing blowing up right in front of him. He played the scene over and over in his head trying to understand why it happened. The more he thought about it the more determined he was to find the dirt bag responsible for that young man's death. Jethro knew in his soul that someone had poisoned that teenager's mind and left him feeling like he had no alternative. He was going to find that person and bring him to justice one way or another.

When Ducky was finished Jethro stayed on the cold steel table for another half hour until Abby came to check on him. They communicated rapidly using sign language and Ducky had Abby tell him he needed to go home, take the pain pill he was giving him and go to bed. He stressed that Jethro was going to be very sore tomorrow. That was news Jethro didn't really need. After all he'd been blown up before; he knew what the after effects would be. He wasn't looking forward to it.

Abby told Jethro what she'd found in regards to the bomb and let him know she'd have more by morning. Jethro told her to go home in another hour and promised he would do the same. He wanted everyone on top of their game tomorrow and for however many days it was going to take to catch the man they were after. Going home in an hour was the compromise he and Ducky agreed on. As often happened though one hour turned into two and then almost three. Finally after a brief, mostly one-sided because of his hearing loss, conference with the Director, Jethro walked back to his desk and found Ducky waiting for him there.

"Why are you still here, Duck? I thought everyone was gone."

"Your team just left and I'm waiting to drive you home."

"I'm fine to drive. You go on home."

Ducky was prepared for that. He had written out his response so he simply held up the paper for Jethro to read. The message said:

" _I want to keep an eye on you for a couple more hours, Jethro. Just in case. In fact, I recommend when you get home you have a good soak in that new hot tub and then go to bed. As soon as you've done that I'll leave you."_

Jethro knew better than to argue with Ducky so he graciously accepted his friend's direction. The hot tub idea sounded good except for the fact that he would be in there alone. But the hot water and the jets would feel good on his back he was sure. They pulled out of the Navy Yard parking garage about the time Holly's plane started its approach to Reagan National Airport. Ducky stopped for Five Guys burgers on the way home and while Jethro was upstairs putting on his swim trunks for the hot tub, Ducky laid out the food. About that time Holly was getting in a cab.

Jethro was dogged tired and it took some considerable willpower for him not to collapse on the bed once he had changed clothes. He has hungry though and the fries smelled wonderful as usual. And, he wanted to get in the hot tub. He was glad he left it heated and circulating all the time. There was very little conversation between the two men as they devoured their burgers and fries. Jethro still couldn't hear very well so they ate in comfortable silence. He was beginning to worry about his hearing but he wasn't going to ask Ducky about it; he didn't want any bad news tonight. If it wasn't back or at least a lot better tomorrow he knew he'd have to get it checked out.

When they were finished eating, Ducky cleared away the debris and pointed Jethro out the back door. About the time Jethro eased himself down in the water, Holly walked in the front door. When he heard the door close, Ducky assumed it was Abby or Tony come to check on Jethro. He turned toward the living room and was delighted to see Holly coming from the front hall.

"Oh my dear, you are just what the doctor ordered. He's in the hot tub and will be delighted to see you."

"Tell me how he is Ducky. The truth."

"Of course. He has a cut above his right eye; not very serious at all and another on his right leg that did require stitches. It's well bandaged but should be changed when he's out of the water tonight. I've left some bandages on the table in the living room. He can't hear right now. That, I hope is temporary. If it's not significantly better or fully restored tomorrow he'll need to have it checked. He will be very sore tomorrow from being thrown back onto the sidewalk. He landed on his back and did hit his head but I've seen no signs of concussion. The best thing for him is the soak in the tub and you being here."

"Thank you Ducky. Give me just two minutes will you before you go?"

"Certainly."

Holly ran up the stairs and quickly changed into a bathing suit and cover-up. Then she returned to the kitchen and gave Ducky a heartfelt hug. She knew how much he loved Jethro and that the feeling was mutual. She understood this was difficult for Ducky to deal with especially since he had known Jethro for so long.

"I don't know what Jethro would do without you Ducky. Thank you so much."

"You are welcome. Now go out there and see to my patient. Not too long in the water you know. Good night my dear."

"Night Ducky."

Holly stepped out the back door and saw Jethro nearly completely submerged in the water with his back to her. She didn't want to startle him so she flicked the light on and off quickly then stepped up behind him. She knew he was exhausted because he had barely started to turn around when she leaned down and wrapped her arms around his shoulders and kissed him on the temple.

The look on his face when he saw it was her took her breath away. He was surprised of course and what she saw was pure joy and love and she was so very glad she had come.

It took him a moment to form a greeting; he was so damn happy to see her he didn't know what to say. All he could do was hold out his hand for her and try not to let her see the tears he knew were in his eyes.

Holly stepped into the hot tub and straight into his arms. Jethro wrapped himself around her and held on tight. Her being there meant everything to him. After a long embrace Holly pulled back just enough to be able to see his face. She placed a gentle kiss to his cut and then stroked his face softly with her fingertips before finally giving him the hello kiss that he wanted. Jethro let her be in charge for a while but then he took over the kiss and it got very serious very quickly. Eventually they both eased off and Jenny knelt in front of him with her hands on his thighs.

"Hi."

"Hi yourself. You didn't have to come. I'm glad you did but I'm alright."

"Yes, I did have to come. I needed to see you and hold you and have you hold me. I love you."

"You have no idea what having you come all that way means to me. God, I'm so glad you're here."

It still sometimes surprised her that Jethro was so grateful for the small things she did for him. Whether it was flying home tonight or fixing his favorite meal when she knew the case was bad or leaving him alone to brood in the basement he never failed to tell her how much he appreciated her efforts. That alone told her Jethro would never take them for granted. Days like today were a scary reminder that she couldn't either.

Holly snuggled into his side and they relaxed and let the water and the still night wash over them. The pain pill Ducky had given him at supper was kicking in so Jethro decided they better get out while he could still manage it.

"C'mon, lets go in."

Holly got out and got the towels and Jethro carefully stepped out behind her. His back was sore but he knew it would be worse in the morning.

"Maybe a back rub would be a good idea. And in the morning we'll come back out for a while before you go to work."

"Two good ideas."

They made their way in the house and upstairs to the bedroom. Jethro stretched out on his stomach and Holly carefully straddled his thighs, her knees on either side of his butt. She warmed some massage oil in her hands and started working her magic on his shoulders and eventually all the way down his back. For a woman with small hands she was plenty strong and skilled when it came to giving quality back rubs. Jethro sighed and groaned softly and before she was finished he was sound asleep. Holly washed her hands and then slipped into bed beside him. They slept soundly until about three o'clock when Jethro woke her up thrashing in the bed and yelling "no".

Holly sat up and turned on the bedside light. She had learned long ago that it paid to be careful when trying to wake Jethro from a nightmare. She held one of his hands in both of hers and called his name, first quietly and then a little louder and then she remembered he couldn't hear her. She let go of his hand and put her hands on either side of his face and stopped him from turning his head side to side. Finally he opened his eyes. He stared at her for a moment then put his hands gently on her wrists. Holly leaned down and kissed him. Then she laid down on him and Jethro wrapped his arms around her.

She could feel his heart pounding against her chest and the deep breaths he was taking to try and calm down. She simply stretched out on him and nestled her head under his chin. Jethro began running his hands up and down her back, soothing himself and her at the same time. Pretty soon Holly realized he wasn't going back to sleep; he was waking up. At least part of him was. As he calmed down from the dream, he was getting aroused by having her lying on him, both of them naked and both of them without any sex for almost a month. Nature quickly took its course and Jethro rolled them over, the nightmare forgotten.

Their love-making started out as a slow, seductive exploration of each other but after a few minutes it was as if the both realized what they almost lost earlier in the day and things quickly went to urgent and very needy. All the stress of the day; the news, getting home, seeing her lover hurt, finally came crashing down on her and Holly couldn't get enough of Jethro. Her hands and her mouth were everywhere. She wanted everything of him and she wanted to give him all of herself. And, she wanted it to last so every time Jethro thought they were about to fall apart together she slowed them down and they started over.

"You're killin' me here, babe."

Holly was lying on him after about their fourth position change and they were both breathing hard, sweaty and very much in need of release. Jethro could barely get out that short pleading sentence. He was inside her and she was barely moving back and forth, teasing and driving him crazy. She leaned down, her breasts rubbing back and forth on his chest while his hands gripped her butt and he tried to get her moving faster.

"I don't ever want this to end. I want to stay like this with you forever."

"Can't happen. As much as I like this, you know you'll like the ending even better. If we ever get there that is."

Together they realized he had heard what she said. Just barely but he did hear her voice.

"Say something else."

"I adore you."

"I can hear you. Not real good but definitely I can hear you. Keep talking."

Instead, she pushed up and held herself above him and started moving.

"Finish it lover."

That required no verbal response. Jethro rolled them over and in no time they had reached the pinnacle again and this time Jethro took them crashing down the other side. And he was right, Holly liked the ending just fine.

Just a couple of hours after they fell back to sleep the alarm went off and Jethro, for the first time in a very long time was happy to hear the damn thing. He slipped out of bed, took care of business in the bathroom then went downstairs to make coffee. His whole body ached but he figured he was pretty lucky that was all he had to deal with . As he was starting his second cup of coffee, Holly came down and they took their coffee to the hot tub for an early morning soak. That and three Tylenol followed by a shower with a beautiful woman and Jethro was good to go.

"Go back to work babe. I'm okay and I know you have things going on down there that you need to deal with."

Holly was reluctant to leave but he was right; she was in the middle of a fundraising campaign that would be very important for the shelter and their programs for the next year. She needed to be in Tampa but she wanted to be here, at home with Jethro. They had not talked at all about the case or the boy who blew himself up. She knew they might never talk about it and that was alright as long as Jethro knew he could talk to her if he needed to.

"Yes, I need to go back. Jethro, do you want to talk about the boy? Or anything?"

"Not yet. I will but right now I need to focus on tracking down the guy behind all this. That kid wasn't acting on his own initiative. Don't worry, I'm okay."

That was exactly what she had expected. She kissed him goodbye at the door and thirty minutes later a cab arrived to take her to National Airport and she was on her way back to Florida.

Jethro went back to work and they began looking for the bad guy in earnest. Dorneget and McGee were hot on the trail through the kid's computer but it was going to take some time. In the meantime they had a new case so Jethro took Tony and Bishop with him and left McGee at the Navy Yard working with Dorneget. Nothing happened for a couple of days but then they got a break and found a connection between the bad guy they were looking for and a woman they had arrested a few months prior for trying to kill a visiting Iman. She willingly gave the name of the Calling leader, Daniel Budd, to Tony and Bishop and the hunt got a little bit easier.

That name led them to a building where they found a young boy hiding, with a gun ready supposedly, to kill anyone who came in. Luckily, he wasn't really up to the task and Jethro was able to disarm him. The boy's name was Luke but he refused to talk to Jethro. His parents were astounded to learn of his involvement with the group but admitted he was unhappy and they were worried about him. The case and the boy began to eat at Jethro. There were so many threads to pull and each one seemed to lead to another one but they weren't able to unravel the whole thing. The child troubled Jethro because he couldn't get him to talk to him. He feared the child was in danger and after Jethro found Luke's parents murdered he was more sure than ever that Luke needed protection. But something else was going on that Jethro couldn't get a handle on. He began hearing Mike Franks in his head warning him the boy was dangerous. He ignored that but Mike wouldn't go away.

Every day Jethro asked Dorneget when he was going to find the leader of the Calling. They had his name and other people around the world were looking for him but he was a ghost. One night, very late, as he was leaving, Jethro asked Dorneget again and the answer was the same as every other time; "I'm almost there" and the young agent kept plugging away on his computer. Jethro just shook his head and told him to go home.

The nights Jethro managed to go home he was back on the couch in the basement the first couple of nights Holly was gone but she had made him promise her he'd use the bed so he did after that. They talked on the phone every day and even did face time on occasion. Fall had arrived and Jethro knew his time was running out at NCIS. He knew he wanted to retire but at least three times a week he had to ask himself if he was sure. The answer was the same one Dorneget gave him, 'I'm almost there'.

One night Jethro and Ducky met for dinner at the medical examiner's urging. He was worried that catching the guy behind The Calling had become an obsession with Jethro, much like his hunt for Ari Haswari had been many years before. Ducky was concerned that if they didn't find the man before the end of the year Jethro would postpone his retirement.

"Is young Dorneget having any luck?"

"He says he's close. I told him today I'd give him the rest of the week then I was sending him back downstairs."

"Tomorrow is Friday you know."

"I know. He better hurry."

"And if this monster isn't caught before the end of the year?"

Jethro didn't answer for a while but finally he said, "Then it will be DiNozzo's problem."

"Really?"

"I promised her Ducky. I won't break that promise."

"Even if she gave her permission?"

"She won't have the chance. I won't let her. Tony and Tim will find him if we don't before I leave."

The next morning Dorneget was waiting for Jethro when he arrived at seven thirty. Before Jethro was seated at his desk Dorneget was right here, clicker in hand.

"I found him. He's in Egypt. At least he was yesterday."

Jethro looked at the young man who hadn't been to bed in at least two days. That was the kind of devotion and single-mindedness Jethro admired and wanted on his team.

"Good work Dorneget. Let's go tell the director."

When they left the Director's office later that morning, Dorneget and McGee were on their way to Cairo and from that morning on the case began to spin out of control. Mike Franks kept warning and nagging him about Luke but Jethro refused to accept that the boy was as dangerous as his old boss wanted him to believe. He told himself Luke was just a lost boy, now an orphan and he just needed someone to believe in him and keep him safe until he found his way again. They had Luke in a safe place with an agent and a social worker staying with him. In the past Jethro would have taken him home with him but he didn't this time. Maybe Mike's voice was having some effect because Jethro hadn't felt comfortable taking him to what used to be just his house but was now, finally, his home. He told himself it was because he wasn't living there alone anymore. Maybe that was it. Or maybe he was just a little bit afraid of what the boy would do.

Two days later Director Vance stepped out on the walkway and motioned for Jethro to come up the stairs. When Jethro stepped into the Director's office he knew immediately it was bad news.

"Who is it?"

"Dorneget. At the hotel in Cairo. McGee got some intel from the prisoner he was interrogating and warned him. Ned got a lot of people to safety but somehow the bomb was exploded and he was killed. It was a series of the mines set to detonate remotely."

"Dammit."

Jethro scrubbed his hands over his face and paced back and forth in the room. He was furious and heartbroken at the same time. Even though Dorneget didn't actually work for him Jethro felt responsible for him. It was their case he was working on.

"I'm going to get this bastard if it's the very last thing I do, Leon. This won't stand!"

"I hear you. McGee's there handling the arrangements to get him back here. We know who this guy is. We'll put all our resources into finding him. Lots of other people want him too so we'll have help."

There wasn't anymore to say so Jethro left to tell Tony and Bishop and the rest of them what had happened.

Holly had the television on and muted in her office and she happened to glance up in time to see a news bulletin about a bombing at a hotel in Cairo. She didn't pay much attention; sadly these sorts of alerts were all too common these days. About two hours later she was taking a break and turned up the sound when a report came on with more details. She heard the reporter say an American had been killed and then she heard him say the dead man was possibly a US federal agent and then she didn't hear anything else. She knew McGee was overseas with another agent because Jethro had told her about it two days ago. He had told her about Agent Dorneget and how far he had come as a young agent in just the past year. She could tell Jethro really liked the young man and thought he had a bright future with the agency. Of course she also knew McGee and how much Jethro cared about him. Either way, is this was about them, and she was sure it was, this was going to be a bad situation.

Instead of calling Jethro which was what she wanted to do, she called Ducky.

"Dr. Mallard."

"Ducky it's Holly."

"Ah, hello my dear. I thought you might call."

"Please tell me it's not McGee. But then I don't want it to be the other young man either."

"No, I'm afraid Agent Dorneget was killed. McGee was away from the area at the time."

"Oh my god. Jethro just talked to me about him a few days ago and how well he was doing. I'm so sorry Ducky."

"Yes, young Ned was an up and coming agent that is for sure. This will be a difficulty for all of us. Of course, you know how Jethro is; he'll want to shoulder the blame for sending the two of them over there."

"But wasn't that the Director's call?"

"Yes of course but McGee is Jethro's agent and thus, in his mind, his responsibility no matter where he is. And, he will feel the same about Agent Dorneget."

"I didn't want to call Jethro because I know he's probably busy and he won't talk about it yet anyway. But could you get a message to him that I called and I want him to know I'm thinking about him. About all of you really. Do you think I should come home, Ducky?"

"I know Jethro would love to see you but I don't think it's necessary. He will be working non-stop now for a few days. Call him tonight. I'll tell him you called and I'll make sure he takes time to talk with you sometime today."

"Thank you Ducky. I'll call him this evening."

About two hours after that call Jethro walked into autopsy to advise Ducky that Dorneget's body was on the way back to the States.

"We'll meet the plane at Dover in the morning and the body will be brought here."

"Mr. Palmer and I will be ready. I'm sorry Jethro, I know you cared for the young man."

"He was just coming into his own. Just figuring it out. A damn waste."

Ducky heard the frustration and the pain in his friend's voice.

"Jethro, Holly called earlier. She asked me to tell you she's thinking of you. Maybe you should take a few minutes and call her. I can give you some privacy."

He didn't answer for a long few moments and then Jethro said, "Yeah, that's probably a good idea. Thanks Duck."

When he was alone in the cold, quiet room, Jethro sat down in Ducky's chair and pulled out his phone. He hit the speed dial and waited for Holly to answer. Holly was sitting on the porch of the little house in Florida watching the waves roll onto the beach and wishing she was with Jethro in their house in DC. She picked up the phone when Jethro's ringtone rang out.

"Hi, I was just thinking about you. How you doin'?"

"Okay. Wish I could have one of your hugs though."

"I can be there in a few hours."

"No, that's tempting but I won't be going home for a while. Just talk to me for a while."

So that's what she did. She told him she loved him and then she just talked about her day and what was going on at work. She told him a funny story about a young woman at the shelter and about the guy who had been sleeping on the beach for three days."

"He still there?"

"No, he finally moved on this morning. I think the cops told him he had to go so he packed up his umbrella and chair and took off. Can't say I'm sorry to see him go."

Just hearing her voice made Jethro feel better. The idea that one of his agents was dead was hard for him to accept. While Dorneget didn't technically work for him Jethro had thought in the back of his mind that Ned would be a good fit for the team when he retired. He just couldn't believe this was happening.

"Jethro, take care of yourself. You have a lot on your plate right now and I worry about you. I know you've managed just fine for a long time without me but now that you've got me you have to put up with me worrying. And nagging."

"I appreciate your nagging. I'll be fine. We have a lot of work to do but we'll find this guy. I love you. Thanks for calling earlier. Call me tomorrow okay?"

"I will. I love you so much, Jethro. Please be safe."

"I will. Bye."

Jethro stayed there in Ducky's chair until the Medical Examiner came back. Neither man said anything, both comfortable with the silence for a while. Ducky took the quiet time to reflect on how Jethro was going to manage this latest crisis. Ducky knew Jethro was shaken by young Dorneget's death but he also knew his friend would weather this loss better than other recent losses because of the woman he had just been on the phone with. No one else knew Jethro as well as Ducky did. No one else still living had seen the marriages begin and end and the roller coaster ride that had been the love affair between Jethro and Jenny. Ducky had weathered many a storm with Jethro and been on the receiving end of many an irate explosion when hurt turned to anger and there was no one else at whom to direct said anger.

This relationship between Jethro and Ms. Snow had lasted longer than two of his marriages. Ducky was cautiously optimistic that this time Jethro had found a woman who would be there for him no matter what happened. She certainly seemed to understand Jethro's need for space and time and that was something the wives never did. The relationship had surprised Ducky in the beginning and worried him some too but after seeing the subtle changes in his friend he realized this was a good thing; a very good thing in fact. Jethro was still as driven in his work as ever but he was more patient, calmer and less prone to shutting himself off from everyone else. In short, he was apparently finally happy.

Ducky finally broke the silence, "How is Holly?"

"She's fine. Wanted to know if she should come home. I told her no. Wanted her to but I'm not going to be home anyway for a while so what would be the point?"

"I thought as much. It must feel good to have her offer though."

"Yes. We need to figure this thing out Ducky and find this dirt bag."

"You will. I imagine this is much bigger than anyone originally thought. On another topic, Jethro, have you told the Director of your plans to retire?"

"Yes. Don't think he believed me though. Guess when I'm not here after the first of the year he'll believe it. He said he'd give Tony first consideration to take over the MCRT."

"Wise decision. So, this may be your last big case."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I going to get this guy that killed Dorneget before I'm gone."

"What about your promise?"

"This just might change things. I can't let this go, Duck."

"I know."

The next several days were tedious and painful for all of them. Dorneget's mother was at Dover when the body arrived and they all met her for the first time. None of them were aware she was with the CIA until that day. She let Gibbs and Director Vance know in no uncertain terms that she would be working with them going forward until her son's killer was dealt with. Always wary of the CIA under any circumstance, Jethro nevertheless welcomed her help.

They dealt with the autopsy, the investigation of the bomb, misinformation and more but Jethro felt they were no closer to finding the man they wanted. Abby and Tim were combing the internet and the dark web and every day they had more names of children being lured into evil and mayhem but no leader so far. Then, Luke disappeared and Jethro knew they were coming to the end game pretty soon.

Mike Franks was constantly in Jethro's psyche. He warned him that Luke was dangerous and that he had been too careful of the boy's feelings and had not tried hard enough to break him. Jethro was beginning to doubt himself. He felt completely out of his element because he couldn't contribute to the investigation in any significant way; it was all computers and overseas conferences in MTAC. Coffee was about the only thing keeping him going because he couldn't sleep and he had no appetite. Tony pushed pizza and a burger at him every now and then but it didn't help much. He missed Holly but on the other hand he was glad she wasn't there. This was one of those times that he needed to be alone when he wasn't at work. He wanted to drink and brood and argue with Mike. He also wanted to feel the Holly pressed against him, loving him, her softness against his hard edges. He settled for his bourbon and a night of sanding the boat. That small solace was broken when Ducky arrived at the head of the stairs.

"Duck, what're you doin' here so late?"

"I wanted to check on you my friend. You were in a sorry state when last I saw you this evening. Is it anything talking might help?"

Jethro put down his tools and poured Ducky a measure of his best bourbon in a clean glass. Holly insisted he not drink out of jars only moments free of screws, nails, or other sundry bits of hardware thus he had a supply of clean glasses at his disposal on the workbench. Jethro leaned against the workbench and Ducky found a seat on a stool nearby.

"I wish talkin' would do the trick but I don't think it will."

"What's got you so discouraged, Jethro?"

"It's like chasing the wind, Duck. I can't see this guy, can't hear him, hell I don't even know for sure what he looks like. All these kids are disappearin' and no one knows where they are."

"And young Luke slipped through your fingers."

"Yeah. Mike was in my head all the time telling me the kid was dangerous and I was too easy on him but I didn't want to hear that. My gut was telling me the same thing and I ignored that too."

Ducky decided since Jethro seemed willing to talk he would press on.

"And then there's young Ned."

"Yeah. Dorneget. Never saw that comin'. I hate sayin' this but the first thing I thought was thank god it's not McGee."

"I know. I'm afraid that would have been a much harsher blow for us all. No disrespect meant to Agent Dorneget of course."

They were silent then for a while. Jethro stared into his glass and Ducky watched him, waiting for whatever would come next. When nothing did he thought maybe they should change the topic.

"Let's talk about a more pleasant subject. How is Ms. Snow?"

"She's fine. Busy but she likes it down there. Especially with winter around the corner. She really hates the cold."

"You know Jethro when the two of you got together I was worried about you. I wasn't sure she would be good for you but I have to admit I was wrong. I have not seen you in such a good place in many years, if ever actually."

Jethro smiled. Ducky was right, he was in a very good place in his personal life. He was intrigued that Ducky had been worried about Holly and him.

"What had you worried Duck?"

"Well, I was concerned that her notoriety would cause you problems. That you would be bothered by paparazzi or some such thing. I gather that has not been an issue."

"Nope. Couple of times someone tried to approach her but I just looked at them and they went away. I think Holly was worried about the same thing but I never thought about it. I guess I was so smitten I didn't really care what other people thought. She worried her more recent troubles would hurt me professionally. I told her I'd done plenty over the years to screw that up but I was still workin' so she shouldn't worry about that."

Ducky smiled. He could well imagine some unsuspecting fellow stepping into range of a "Gibbs Glare" and not being able to get away quick enough. The conversation seemed to be having a relaxing effect on Jethro so Ducky carried on.

"Tell me how you two started dating or whatever you call it these days. If you don't mind of course."

Jethro realized Ducky was trying to take his mind off the case and he was grateful for that. He didn't mind talking about personal things with Ducky, at least most of the time. Tonight it was helping so he happily complied.

"Remember when I wanted her to help us catch that killer? She wanted to make a deal for her help. She wanted to have dinner with me; no strings, just the two of us. So, I agreed. Didn't take me long to decide; I wanted that killer but I also wanted to see her again and she had given me the perfect excuse."

"Ah, a good deal for all concerned."

"Yes. Anyway, I fixed her a steak and we had a nice time. Nothing spectacular but okay. I was definitely interested but I was reluctant given the fact that she was on speaking terms with some pretty powerful and well off people. I didn't figure I fit into her circle. About two weeks later she called and asked me to meet her for coffee early one morning. After that we started having breakfast at the diner a couple times a week. That went on for a month or so and then she asked me to dinner at her place."

"She seems to have done most of the work up to that point, my friend."

"True. That night we talked for hours and hours. I told her about Shannon and Kelly and Jenny and of course the wives. She told me about how she got started in the business. We went through a couple bottles of wine and fell asleep on the couch about two o'clock in the morning. I'd say that was one of the best nights I'd had with a lady in a long time. It wasn't all sad stuff. We laughed. A lot as a matter of fact. Holly's really smart and funny and she's very easy for me to talk to and be with. I think that night at her house was when I first realized we had something special going for us. It may not be the most conventional relationship but I don't care. I really love her, Duck."

"And she you."

"Yeah, imagine that."

"She seems to take your job and it's attendant problems in stride. She understands your need for space, I gather."

"Oh yeah, she never pushes when it comes to me talking about work. She's the most patient person I've ever been with. Holly has a talent for reading people and she's been reading me like a large print book from the very first time we met. She sees right through any bullshit I might try and give her. Not that I'd ever want to, but lying to Holly would be a complete waste of effort."

"So where is all this taking the two of you?"

"I hope to hold onto her for as long as she'll have me. She says that's forever and I'm in favor of that. When I retire we'll split our time between here and Florida I imagine. Winters down there or some place else warm. I want to travel some and we're going to sail down south for a while next year. I just want to have as much time with her as she can stand. I feel like I need to make up for all the time I spent being alone and miserable."

"Marriage?"

"I don't think so. We've talked about it of course but Holly says she doesn't need it. I certainly don't. We're very happy the way things are. We talked about it for legal reasons but it's not really necessary. Both of us have the other in our wills so there won't be any problems in case something happens. Which brings me to something I've meant to tell you. You are my emergency contact as always but I want Holly to have a say about anything medical that needs to be decided. She knows, as you do, what I want and don't want. I know you'd consult with her anyway I just wanted to make sure you know I want her to be in on any decisions you have to make."

"Of course. I will remember that but hope to never have to exercise it. I expect to die of old age long before you my friend."

"Let's hope we all die of old age."

"Alright my friend. I will leave you and I want you to get some sleep. You will catch up to this Calling fellow and when you do I want you to be in top shape. I have a feeling with Agent Dorneget's mother in the mix you'll have some help you might otherwise not have available to you."

"Well, she knows the people who can find him I'm sure. And, she's very persuasive so if the spooks can find him they will. For her. I'll take any help I can get at this point."

"Indeed. Good night, Jethro."

"Night Duck. And thanks."

"You are most welcome."

Jethro walked Ducky to the front door and out to his car. When he got back inside the phone was ringing.

"Yeah, Gibbs."

"Hi."

It was near midnight and that was way past when Holly was normally in bed. Jethro was instantly on alert.

"Holly, you alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Sorry to worry you. I just couldn't sleep and I hoped maybe you were still awake. Did I wake you?"

"No, I was just walking Ducky to his car. He stopped by to talk. Make sure I was okay. We had a rough couple of days. Why can't you sleep?"

"One of the young girls who had been at the shelter a couple of times over the past month went back to her abuser last week and she was found dead this afternoon. The boyfriend, to use the term loosely, apparently got angry that she didn't fix him lunch like he wanted and he killed her."

"Shit Holly, I'm sorry. They get the guy?"

"Yes. In fact he tried to shoot it out with the police and he lost. Can't say I'm particularly bothered by that. She just couldn't stay away from him no matter what anyone said. We had some good talks when she was here but in the end she thought he was her only option. So damn frustrating."

"Lot of that going around."

"Yes, I'm sure you've had your fill of it too. So, enough of that. What did you and Ducky talk about?"

"You mostly."

"Me? How interesting."

"Well, you and me. He asked me how we got started. He said he was worried for me when we got together. Thought you might not be good for me but now he's happy to say he was wrong."

"I'm glad he approves. I know his opinion matters to you. Why, if I may ask, did he worry?"

"He said he was afraid we'd be bothered by gossip people and stuff like that."

"Did you tell him you glared the first two away and no one else ever bothered?"

"Exactly. Then I told him about you asking me out all the time. He said it appeared you had done all the work in the beginning. I agreed. I'm glad you did by the way."

"Would you have called me if I hadn't called you after the steak? I've always wondered but I don't think I've ever asked you that."

"I really wanted to."

"But?"

"I didn't figure I would fit into you circle. I really didn't think you'd be interested. You know a lot of much more interesting guys."

"Not even one. The fact that you didn't fit into my circle as you call it and obviously didn't want to is what interested me. The call I made asking you to coffee was the smartest thing I'd done in a long time."

"Meeting you for coffee was the smartest thing I'd done in a long time. I'm sure glad you were persistent."

"Me too. So, I guess your case isn't going any better?"

"Nope. It will though. Dorneget's mom will keep the pressure on her agency and that will help. I really want to find Luke as much as anything."

"You will. Now, promise me you're going to bed soon."

"I'm already on the way. Been getting there while we talked. You need to get some sleep too. Stop blaming yourself for that girl getting killed. She made her choice. You did your best and that's all you can do. Right?"

"Yes, you're right. The same goes for you and Luke. Right?"

"Yeah. Holly, I love you. Do you think you can come up here next weekend?"

"Yes, I can. I'll get the Saturday morning flight. I love you Jethro. Go to bed."

"You too. Bye."

Jethro was in a much better frame of mind as he brushed his teeth and got ready for bed. He lay awake for a while thinking about what he and Holly would do next weekend. Maybe have one last cookout before it got cold. Maybe just take a walk on the Mall and then snuggle the day away in front of a fire. He fell asleep with a smile on his face looking forward to seeing Holly in just a few short days. If he had known what the week ahead held he would not have slept well or at all.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

.

 **To Retire or Not to Retire**

Chapter Six

The next two days were more of the same with a lot of frustration and waiting for information from other parts of the globe. Jethro spent most of his time looking for Luke; talking to his friends at school and scouring teen hangouts trying to get a clue as to where he had disappeared to. They found a trailer where the Calling leader had been staying but there were few useful clues there. Finally on Thursday, late in the evening, came the break they had been working for. McGee and Abby traced the Calling to Iraq and Dorneget's mother spoke to some sources there who said several American teens had been seen in a particular town. McGee sent the CIA contact photos of Luke and after a couple of hours they had confirmation that Luke was there.

Director Vance and Jethro were in MTAC when they got the word that Luke had been seen in Iraq. They exchanged looks and Jethro stood up.

"Take DiNozzo with you. And Jethro, watch your six."

"Will do."

Arrangements were made for Jethro, Tony and Agent Teague to fly to Iraq the next morning. Jethro got home about eleven o'clock and knew he should call Holly and let her know what was happening. He wouldn't have time in the morning and he knew if he went to Iraq without her knowing it she would be very unhappy. He had a bad feeling about this trip; in fact about the whole case and he couldn't seem to shake it. Jethro trusted his gut feelings above almost everything else and his gut had been telling him for days that something was very wrong.

Jethro threw some clean underwear and shirts in his pack along with his travel bag of toiletries then he sat down on the bed to make the call. The phone rang four times and he was sure he was waking Holly up.

"Jethro, hi. Are you alright?"

"We seem to start out a lot of conversations with that question. Yes, I'm fine. Sorry if I woke you."

"You didn't. I am sitting on the porch listening to the surf. Wishing you were here with me."

"That would be wonderful. Won't be much longer and I'll be there every day and night. You'll get sick of having me around."

"Unlikely. What's up, babe?"

"Wanted to let you know I'm going to Iraq in the morning. We found Luke and some other kids there."

Holly held her breath for a moment. She, like Jethro, trusted her gut and it had been screaming at her for the last several days. Something in his tone of voice the last few times they'd spoken had told her that Jethro was worried about this case and that it is was almost overwhelming them. The idea of him being in Iraq scared the hell out of her.

"Holly, you there?"

"Yes, just digesting your news. You have to do this I guess."

"Yeah. Gotta find that kid and get him home. There are others there too. Kids whose parents are waiting for them to come home."

"This scares me, Jethro. I'm sorry to say that to you but it does."

"I understand. Tony will watch my six. It'll be fine and we should be back in two or three days. We'll reschedule our weekend. In fact, when I get back and it's all wrapped up I'll come down there for a week. Okay?"

"Of course. I want you to concentrate all your energy and thoughts on the job at hand. Absolutely do not worry about me and my worries. Just take care of business like you always do and come home."

"That's the plan. This will be the last one, Holly. Last big case I mean. Most likely anyway."

"I know. What time do you leave tomorrow?"

"Oh six hundred flight. That's why I wanted to call tonight; won't have time tomorrow. I love you Holly. I'll see you in a week or so."

"I love you too. Tell DiNozzo I'll be all over him if he lets anything happen to you."

"Nothing is going to happen. Don't worry."

"I will but I worry every day anyway. Jethro, remember I love you really a lot."

"That's what I like to hear. And I love you a lot more. Night, babe."

"Night lover. See ya soon."

Nine hundred miles apart Jethro and Holly sat holding their phones and thinking about each other. Both of them had a sense of foreboding they couldn't shake. Jethro thought his gut was telling him something bad was going to happen to the kids; to Luke in particular. He wasn't so worried about himself. He might have some vague idea in the back of his mind that this case was going to turn out badly but he thought mostly that was about Luke; only a very small part of his psyche could acknowledge that he was concerned for his own safety. He did have Mike in his subconscious admonishing him to be careful; to watch his six and be ready for something he couldn't quite put his finger on.

Holly sat on the porch for a long time thinking about Jethro and trying to push back on the fear that was creeping into her soul. Ever since that day almost two years ago when she had admitted to herself that she loved Jethro she had worried about him every day. She knew his job was dangerous and that he always put himself in the line of fire first to protect his people and she never forgot that he might not come home some night. She didn't sit home and wring her hands but she would admit that some part of every day she thought about Jethro's safety on the job. After the first few months they were together she had told Jethro how she worried about him. He listened very patiently and then told her she would have to find a way to put that idea out of her mind or she would go crazy. He spent a long time talking about how they worked as a team and always had a plan and never put themselves in unsafe situations if they could avoid them. She listened and nodded in all the right places and then told him she would worry if she wanted to and for him to just be extra careful or she would be really, really angry at him for getting hurt. Then, as she recalled, she had taken him to bed and made love to him to remind him exactly why he needed to be extra careful and come home to her every night. He had said he would remember the incentive and always do his best.

Jethro knew he wouldn't go to sleep but he stretched out on the bed anyway. He thought about Holly sitting in a rocking chair on the porch in Florida listening to the waves coming and going and he ached to be with her. He didn't want to leave tomorrow but he knew he had to. He wanted to bring Luke home and he wanted to stop the monster who was poisoning teenagers like Bradley and Luke. He wasn't going to leave it for DiNozzo and McGee to do after he was retired; he would take care of it and then he could leave with a clear conscience. He wanted years and years with Holly. He wanted days on end with nothing to do but spend time with the woman he loved. He wanted to be able to just sit and watch her in _their_ house. Jethro never expected to love again after Jenny's death; he knew at the time she had been his last chance. Even though they were miles apart both literally and emotionally, when she died he still loved her and he had believed they would eventually get back together. Her death had rocked him to the core and he resigned himself to living alone the rest of his life.

Then Holly Snow appeared in his interrogation room one day and things changed. It took a while but once she started after him Jethro was not about to get away from her. Not that he tried very hard; or at all for that matter. It had taken him untold bottles of bourbon, three boats and many years to look at himself and really understand that he had tried for years and years to replace Shannon when that was never going to be possible for so many reasons. The primary reason was that he was not the same person Shannon had fallen in love with; he was no longer the sweet, tough young man who missed his mom and longed for his father's approval. Gone was the almost reluctant Marine who so easily let a young, intuitive, beautiful girl into his heart on that train station platform so long ago. He was still tough and he still missed his mom but after losing his family he was cold and guarded and he never truly his heart away again until Jenny showed up on his team. That brought its own brand of heartache and he shut down even more after Paris.

But now he had Holly in his life and he was happy. He cared about her happiness, he didn't want to disappoint her and he trusted her. Looking forward was now what his life was about; not looking back. The only thing missing in his life as far as he was concerned was children. Jethro had loved being a father and he and Shannon had planned at least one more child after Kelly. The death of his little girl had been so devastating that Jethro had never had the courage to consider another child. None of his subsequent marriages had really lent themselves to children anyway. He had spent too long afraid to risk loving another child and now it was too late. Holly had asked him about it once and they had spent hours talking about Kelly and why he never fathered another child. Jethro had asked her if she wanted children. Her response was yes, she had at one time but as the years flew by and she didn't find her true love she realized it was not to be for her. Holly had been married once but only very briefly and she said she was thankful in some ways a child had not come during that marriage. She was not too old to have a child now but it would be risky given her age and the fact it would be a first pregnancy. They talked long into the night about the possibility and they reluctantly agreed bringing a child into their lives was not really what they wanted.

To his surprise, Jethro did fall asleep for about three hours. He woke at three thirty, took a shower and went downstairs for his first cup of coffee. Following a practice begun just before his very first deployment, Jethro got out paper and pen and wrote a goodbye letter. Each time Jethro went overseas as a young Marine he had written a letter to Shannon to be opened by her in the event he was killed. Obviously, that hadn't happened and at the end of each deployment Jethro had burned the letter just before he got home. As he folded this particular letter and slipped it into an envelope he said a silent prayer that he would be burning it in a few days. He had always taken his letters with him knowing they would be found and returned to Shannon along with all his other personal items. This trip was different though. He wasn't sure exactly where they were going or who would be there with them. It seemed a risk to take it with him so he decided to leave it with Ducky for safekeeping. Jethro found an old manila envelop in the drawer and put his letter inside and wrote Ducky's name on the outside. He would retrieve it when they got home and then burn it in the fireplace.

At four thirty an agent in a agency car pulled into the driveway and Jethro left the house with his pack on his shoulder, coffee cup in hand. He tossed the pack in the backseat and slid into the passenger seat in front. He laid the manila envelop on the seat and asked the young agent driving if he would take it back to the Navy Yard for him and see that Dr. Mallard got it. Of course the driver was glad to do so. Jethro settled back and closed his eyes. It was going to be a long difficult day.

Holly was up about the time Jethro was boarding the plane. His phone vibrated in his pocket and he stepped off to the side letting DiNozzo go ahead of him.

"Hey, you just caught me. We're on our way in a minute."

"I just wanted to tell you I'm coming home today. I decided to wait for you there instead of here. Don't worry, I'm fine. I just want to be home when you get back. I love you, Jethro. Be safe and good luck."

"I'm glad you'll be here. I love you too. Gotta go. Thanks for calling."

Jethro spent the day getting to Iraq and Holly spent the day packing and catching a flight to DC. She took a cab home arriving about seven thirty in the evening. The house was much too quiet without Jethro but at least she could sense him there. She knew she would go crazy in Florida thinking about him being in Iraq and she'd feel better waiting for him in their own home. This way she could at least sleep with his scent all around her even if his arms weren't. Holly called Ducky just after she got home to see if he had heard anything.

"Dr. Mallard here."

"Ducky, hello it's Holly. I'm sorry to bother you. I was wondering if you heard anything about Jethro before you left the office today."

"No, my dear I'm afraid not. I expect we, or the Director I should say, will hear from them in the morning." As he spoke to her Ducky couldn't help but think about the manila envelop he had locked in his desk drawer at the Navy Yard.

He continued, "I will be glad to call you if I get any news. Are you still in Florida?"

"No, right now I'm home. I decided to wait for Jethro here. Do you have any idea how long they will be gone?"

"Not really. They know where to look for the boy but who knows how long it may take to get results. I think Jethro expected to be gone only a few days at the most however."

"Yes, that's pretty much what he said. This is a first for me, Ducky and I'm scared."

Ducky could hear the anxiety in her voice and he sympathized with her. It was always difficult when people you care for are in harms way. He was well aware that Holly loved Jethro and vice versa. Again the envelope holding Jethro's letter to Holly came to his mind. He wanted to say something to help ease her mind but the fact was Ducky was very anxious about this mission as well.

"I understand. This is nerve racking for each of us but we must trust that Jethro and Tony know what they are doing and they do it very well. They will watch each other's backs. I will call you as soon as I hear something tomorrow."

"Thank you Ducky. I'm sorry to be such a bother."

"You are no such thing, my dear. You are the woman Jethro loves and I am happy to know you are at home waiting for him. Does he know you're here?"

"Yes, I caught him just as he was boarding the plane this morning. Thank you Ducky. I look forward to hearing from you. Goodnight."

"Goodnight Holly. Try not to worry."

True to his word, Ducky called Holly the next day told her Jethro and Tony and Agent Teague had arrived safely in Iraq. They had met with a contact who was going to take them that afternoon to the area where the American teenagers had been seen. He assured her he would keep her informed.

Holly spent the morning puttering around the house. She unpacked a couple of boxes of odds and ends they hadn't gotten to before and tried not to be constantly listening for the phone to ring. In the afternoon she went for a long walk then to the grocery store. After some dinner she tried television but nothing looked interesting so she went to the basement to see what Jethro had been working on. He had mentioned building a toy box for Amira and it seemed he had made a good start so far. She settled on the couch for a while trying to relax and calm the churning in her gut. She thought about all the women who had waited for husbands or lovers to come home from war and she couldn't imagine how they managed to get through months and months of the waiting. Jethro wasn't technically in a war zone but she was a basket case anyway. Holly shook herself and went upstairs determined to get it together.

She took a long bubble bath and went to bed about midnight. She fell asleep quickly but at four twenty she woke suddenly with a terrible feeling of dread. Thinking she had had a bad dream, Holly turned on the lights and got up. She listened intently and didn't hear anything unusual in the house so she was sure she had been dreaming. The house alarm was set and Holly told herself she had just had a bad dream and everything was alright. Still, she was now wide awake so she went downstairs to get a drink. She turned on the television just to have some noise in the house. With a glass of water she settled on the couch and found an old movie to watch. Her mind was full of thoughts of Jethro and she couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. Holly was a very practical, tough-minded woman and she didn't give much credence to the idea of cosmic connections or whatever it was that make people think they could feel when another person was in trouble or hurt. Nevertheless, she couldn't rid her mind of the idea that something had happened to Jethro.

In a dusty, crowded square in a small town seven time zones away something had indeed happened to Jethro. He and Tony and Agent Teague had located the American teens and Jethro was following a young girl. Tony was behind him when his phone rang and he stopped to answer while Jethro continued on. The girl disappeared into a crowd but Jethro heard his name called and turned to see Luke standing not fifteen feet away.

"Luke."

Then he saw the boy had a gun raised and pointed at him. Instinctively, Jethro reached with his right hand for his own weapon but he hesitated. _He's only a boy. I can't shoot him. He's only a boy._

That hesitation cost him dearly. Luke fired once hitting Jethro in the left thigh right above his knee. Jethro stumbled and as he was falling Luke fired again hitting Jethro in the chest. The boy melted into the crowd and Jethro fell back onto the dusty ground gasping for breath and trying but failing to comprehend what had just happened.

Tony heard the shout of Gibbs' name followed just seconds later by two gunshots. He turned in the direction of the sound and was shocked to see his boss falling to the ground, a red stain blooming on his shirt. He wasted no time getting to Jethro's side and what he saw was not encouraging. There was a lot of blood from both wounds but of course the chest wound scared him the most.

In his head he was screaming, " _Shit, shit, shit, this cannot be happening!"_ Tony skidded to a stop and fell to his knees, jerking off his shirt to try and stop the bleeding from the chest wound.

"Boss, Boss, hang on. We'll get you some help. Stay with me."

Jethro knew he'd been shot of course and he knew it was bad. He didn't feel much but he was having trouble breathing and there was certainly plenty of pain. He heard Tony talking to him, shouting really although it wasn't very loud to Jethro. His immediate thought was about Holly. He had so wanted to spend a long time with but in that moment, lying in the dirt in Iraq, he was pretty sure that wasn't going to happen.

Agent Teague appeared on Jethro's other side and said she had called for some assistance that would be there in minutes. She wrapped her scarf around Jethro's leg then handed her jacket to Tony to use in addition to his shirt that was now soaked with Jethro's blood.

"Agent Gibbs can you hear me? Blink if you hear me."

Jethro tried to focus on her face and he blinked twice.

"Good. Help is on the way. I need you to look at me, focus on me and don't think for a moment you're going to die because you're not. Understand?"

Jethro blinked at her again. He wasn't so sure she was right but he blinked anyway. He tried to take a breath but it was getting harder and harder. He desperately wanted to say something to Tony though so he moved his hand and tried to pull Tony toward him. Jethro tried to talk but Tony couldn't hear him so he bent down with his ear right above Gibbs' mouth.

Jethro spoke into Tony's ear, "Tell Ducky go to Holly. Quick. Don't want…see…on tv."

Jethro looked directly into his senior agent's eyes and pleaded with him to understand. DiNozzo didn't fail him.

"Got it Boss. Have Ducky go see Holly so she doesn't see anything about this on the news. I'll call him as soon as we get you some help."

"You in charge, Tony."

"Only for a while. You'll be fine, Boss."

Jethro couldn't hold on any longer. He closed his eyes and let the darkness that had been lingering at the edges of his mind sweep him away. He was shutting down and he no longer heard Tony and Agent Teague imploring him to stay with them. He didn't hear the medics that showed up and didn't feel anything when they loaded him on a stretcher and into the back of a makeshift ambulance.

Tony was beside himself. He was supposed to have the Boss' back and he hadn't. How could he have let this happen? If Gibbs died Tony was never going to forgive himself and he would never stop looking for that damn kid and the man running him. Agent Teague managed to get Tony in a car with her and they followed behind the ambulance.

"Where are we going?"

"To the airfield. There's a chopper there waiting for us. They'll take Gibbs and us to a carrier in the Gulf."

"How did you manage that?"

"It was always our exit strategy. Just had to be a bit quicker than we expected."

"Who are those guys with Gibbs now?"

"One of them is a trauma doc. He'll get Gibbs as stable as possible under the circumstances. Hopefully, stable enough to get him to the carrier where there is a trauma surgeon."

Tony didn't ask anymore questions. Of course he knew Agent Teague was CIA but he hadn't known she had all this stuff in place. He couldn't think right then anyway. Tony had seen lots of gunshot victims and what he saw from the Boss didn't look good. He looked down at his hands and saw the blood dried there. He didn't want to think about Gibbs dying but he just didn't see much chance of survival under these circumstances.

The next hour was all a blur to Tony and was totally lost for Jethro who was unconscious and barely clinging to life by the time he was loaded onto the helicopter for the ride to the carrier. By the miracle of modern wartime medicine, Jethro was alive but not by much. Tony never took his eyes off his Boss once they were in the air and what he saw scared him more than anything ever had. Even when Gibbs was in a coma after being blown up on that ship he looked more alive than he did now. There were IV's in place and oxygen and the bleeding was stopped; at least what they could see. Tony knew internal damage from a gunshot was the real problem and he was sure Gibbs was still bleeding internally. All Tony could think of was all the bodies he has seen on Ducky's autopsy table with wounds pretty much just like what his Boss had. He knew he was going to have to call Director Vance as soon as they landed and give him the bad news. Tony was glad he wasn't going to be the one to tell Abby about this.

The mission to Iraq was not widely known so there was no one who knew what had happened to Jethro until they landed on the carrier and Agent Teague and Tony had a chance to talk. Jethro was taken directly to an operating room where a Navy trauma surgeon was waiting to perform what they hoped would be life-saving surgery. Gibbs had not regained consciousness by the time they landed and Tony wondered if he had heard his leader's voice for the last time.

Agent Teague and Tony were taken to the communications center so they could contact NCIS. It was now just after six o'clock in the morning in DC and Tony wondered if the Director was at the Navy Yard yet. He tried there first and was told the director was not in yet. Next he called Director Vance's cell phone. The Director was in his car, in morning traffic and very glad he had a driver. When his phone went off and he saw who was calling he knew immediately his day not going to go well.

"DiNozzo, what's going on?"

"Gibbs has been shot. We're on a carrier in the Gulf. He's in surgery but it doesn't look good Director."

"What the hell happened?'

"We saw some kids and Gibbs was trailing a girl, he talked to her but then she disappeared and the next thing I knew Luke was standing there shooting Gibbs. He called his name, Boss turned around and the kid shot him twice. Got him in the leg and the chest. We got here pretty quick but he lost a lot of blood. He lost consciousness pretty quick and hadn't woken up by the time we got here."

"Are you alright, Di Mezzo?"

"Not shot if that's what you mean."

"It wasn't. What's your plan?"

"Wait to see if Gibbs makes it first. If he doesn't, I'll bring him home." Tony had to stop and take several deep breaths at that point. Saying it out loud like that made the possibility too real and Tony couldn't say anything else. He handed the phone to Agent Teague so he could compose himself.

"Director, it's Joanna. We got him out fast and there was a trauma doc with him within minutes. I'm hopeful, but DiNozzo's right, it doesn't look particularly good."

Vance had to take a moment himself before he answered. He and Gibbs had had their differences over the years and he had taken over the Director's job under the most difficult of circumstances but he had the utmost respect for Jethro and considered him a friend.

"Okay, tell DiNozzo to stay put just like he said. If Gibbs dies he's to bring him home as soon as can be arranged. We'll worry about the kid later. Joanna, what is your next move?"

"Obviously, I'll stay here until we know the outcome of this. I'll get with our people and see how we want to proceed. I think DiNozzo was on the phone with the leader when Gibbs was shot. It was all very well planned just like the rest of this bastard's work. I don't want to lose the trail but I know DiNozzo needs to go back if Gibbs doesn't make it; that's a given."

Tony motioned that he needed the phone back. He needed to pass along the message to Ducky.

"Director, Gibbs only said one thing and that was for Ducky to go see Holly and tell her about this before she sees it on some news show. I don't think we'll be on the news but he was very adamant that Ducky see her in person, and quickly."

"I'll take care of it. Listen Tony, you know Gibbs is tough and he's a fighter. If this surgeon is any good, and I suspect he is or he wouldn't be where he is right now, Gibbs has a fighting chance to make it. You hang onto that and don't give up hope. I'll call Ducky right away and you call me as soon as you know anything."

"I will Director."

Holly had fallen into a restless sleep on the couch with the movie channel droning on in the background. At six thirty she sat up and took a moment to realize where she was and why. She felt as tired as she had when she went to bed and she still had an ominous feeling about Jethro. She turned off the television and went upstairs to brush her teeth and take a quick shower. Her plan was to call Ducky at seven and find out if he knew anything about Jethro.

As soon as he hung up from DiNozzo, Director Vance called Ducky.

"Dr. Mallard here."

"Doctor, it's Leon. I'm afraid I have some bad news. Jethro's been shot in Iraq."

"Oh no. Is he alive?"

"According to what I know, just barely. DiNozzo said Gibbs said only one thing after he was shot and that was to ask you to go talk to Ms. Snow personally as soon as possible. I think he was afraid she might see something on television about a shooting of an American. I doubt this will be on the news but nevertheless I wanted you to know that is his request."

"Yes, of course, I'll go to the house now. Do you have any details, Director?"

"DiNozzo said the kid, Luke, shot Gibbs twice, once in the leg and then in the chest. He's on a carrier in the Gulf. There's a Navy trauma surgeon working on him. Agent Teague agreed with DiNozzo that it doesn't look particularly hopeful. Let's hope they're wrong."

"Yes, indeed. Alright, I will go to Gibbs' house and see Ms. Snow. I will likely stay with her until we hear something more definitive. Mr. Palmer can handle whatever comes in while I'm away."

"Very well. I'll keep you posted Doctor."

Ducky hung up and slumped down in his chair. He thought about the letter in his desk and said a fervent prayer he wouldn't have to retrieve it in the near future. He took a few moments to calm his emotions and then, shrugging on his coat he went out to deliver the news to Holly.

On the drive over Ducky asked God to please spare his friend who only recently had found such happiness in his life. He thought about all the work on the house, the plans for his retirement and the way Jethro's face lit up when he talked about Holly and their love for each other. He just couldn't imagine his friend not returning home to enjoy that life and love for years to come. The idea of Jethro's body on his autopsy table made Ducky almost physically ill. He quickly banished that visual from his mind and concentrated on being a support to Holly for the next hours or however long they would wait for news.

When Holly was dressed she made the bed then went downstairs to make coffee. She stepped to the front windows and opened the blinds to let in the early morning light. What she saw made her breath catch. Ducky was pulling into the driveway in his tiny little car. As he got out she saw him take a deep breath and square his shoulders before he turned toward the house. It wasn't two Marines in their dress uniforms with a chaplain alongside but to Holly, in that moment, it was the same thing. For an instant she thought about just not answering the door. She closed her eyes tightly, counted to five and opened them and there was Ducky walking up to the front door.

Before he could knock Holly opened the door. There were tears in her eyes and when Ducky removed his hat and looked at her she saw the distress on his face that all but confirmed her worst fears.

"Please tell me he's not dead. Please Ducky."

"He's not dead."

Ducky hoped with all his heart he was telling the truth and not just passing along old information that he would shortly have to correct.

Holly took a breath and stepped back allowing Ducky into the house. He immediately took her in his arms and she clung to him. After a moment, Holly stepped back and taking his hand led Ducky to the couch.

"Tell me."

"Jethro has been shot. He is grievously wounded from what I've been told. He is in the hands of a Navy trauma surgeon on an aircraft carried in the Persian Gulf. That, I'm afraid is all I know at the moment. Except that his one and only concern was that you hear this news from me and not the television."

Holly just sat there stunned and trying to comprehend the news. A hundred thoughts were swirling in her head but she couldn't think of a single thing to say. Her first thought was that she wanted to see Jethro but of course she knew that wasn't going to happen any time soon.

Ducky waited for her to get her bearings. He wasn't sure what else to tell her because he truly had so little information. He simply waited, holding Holly's hand and offering the comfort of his presence.

Finally Holly asked, "When did this happen?"

"I'm not sure. I only just learned about it from Director Vance less than an hour ago. I came straight here. I believe it must have been very early in the morning our time."

Holly knew then pretty much when it had happened.

"Probably about four thirty this morning I'd guess."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because that's when I woke up suddenly, very fearful and restless. I've had a bad feeling about this trip ever since Jethro told me he was going. As I said, I bolted awake shortly before four thirty this morning and couldn't go back to sleep. I've been down here on the couch until about an hour ago. Oh Ducky, I don't know what I'll do without him."

"Don't get ahead of yourself."

"Tell me everything you know. Please."

"It seems the boy they were looking for, Luke, shot Jethro. In the leg and the chest. They got help very quickly and as I said he's on a carrier where they have a trauma surgeon."

"Can they treat him on a ship?"

"Absolutely. An aircraft carried has a fully equipped operating room and very qualified doctors and nurses on board. He is in good hands I assure you. He's a fighter, Holly. Oftentimes survival from this kind of trauma depends in large part on willpower. Jethro has a strong will and he has someone he wants to come home to so I expect he will fight as hard as he can. If this had happened before you came into his life I wouldn't be so optimistic. But, if it comes down to his will to live, Jethro will survive. I'm sure of it."

"I hope you're right Ducky. What about Tony? Is he alright?"

"He wasn't injured. I'm sure he's beside himself about this though. That young man is much like Jethro; he takes his responsibilities very much to heart. I won't be surprised if he's not blaming himself right now even though I'm sure he had no chance to prevent this from happening."

Ducky was exactly right; Tony was blaming himself. He was pacing up and down the hallway outside the operating room where an entire surgical team was trying it's best to save Jethro's life. It seemed to Tony they had been in there forever but it had actually been only just over an hour. He wanted the door to open and someone to tell him what was happening but on the other hand he told himself as long as the door stayed closed they were still working and Gibbs was still alive.

Joanna Teague found Tony still pacing almost an hour later. Nearly two hours of surgery and still there was no word.

"I just spoke to my contact in Iraq. They have eyes on the boy and several other teens. So far no sight of the leader but he's close by. I'd bet on it."

"He was there. He was watching while he kept me on the phone. That's why this happened. I should have been with Gibbs. I should have covered him and then I could have gotten the kid before he shot Gibbs."

"Would you have shot the boy?"

"Damn right I would have. I could have at least distracted him; taken his aim off the Boss. I sure as hell wouldn't have let him put two rounds in him."

"I know. Look, once Gibbs is out of surgery and stable I think we need to get back on this kid's trail. My guys can keep him in sight and we need to grab him up and get him the hell back home. You going to be up for that?"

"Of course. Have you talked to Vance?"

"No, I thought we should wait until you have some news for him. Then see how he wants you to proceed."

"You're going after these guys no matter what, right?"

"The bastard killed my son. Now he's gotten a child to very nearly kill your boss. Yes, I'm going after him. I want you with me."

"I'll be there."

Much like DiNozzo, Holly was pacing with nervousness and anxiety. She and Ducky had each had a cup of tea and now Holly was in the backyard walking back and forth trying to keep a positive thought and remain optimistic. It was killing her to be so far away and unable to offer Jethro any comfort. She hoped Ducky was right that Jethro would fight to be able to come home but she also knew there was an alternative possibility. Jethro had told her about the time he had almost drowned with Kelly's friend, Maddie in the car. He described for her how he had "seen" and "heard" both Shannon and Kelly and how they urged him to go back to the land of the living. The night they talked about that, Jethro told her the desire to stay with them had been almost overwhelming. He said it would have been very easy for him to just let go and drift off. Now she wondered if the pain and the struggle would be too much; if Jethro would find the comfort of his late wife and child too enticing to turn down. After all, she could only imagine that coming back from such an horrific wound would be difficult to say the least. If Jethro survived the surgery she imagined he would have long days of pain and hard work ahead of him. She prayed as she paced and asked God to please keep Jethro alive and give him the strength to come back to her.

Holly sat down on the deck and looked at the hot tub. She let her mind drift back to the wonderful times she and Jethro had shared there and prayed with all her heart they had more good times ahead of them. Her gaze wandered over the backyard; the trees Jethro and Shannon had planted so long ago, the spot where Kelly had her swing set and sandbox. There were so many happy memories here for Jethro and they were only beginning to create their own memories. She just couldn't imagine all their plans and dreams for the future were going to be shattered by a misguided young boy.

Holly Snow was a very strong and resilient woman. She had built a business from the ground up with no help from anyone. She was beautiful, powerful and a brilliant businesswoman. If she had made her money in a more conventional business she would undoubtedly be held in the highest regard by the rich and powerful people who dominated in DC. As it was, her business was in the shadows but her clients were certainly not. She knew the secrets of some of the most powerful, well-known men in the metropolitan area. For all her success she now felt utterly powerless and helpless. The man she loved was hurt, possibly dying and she couldn't even hold his hand. She resolved to be optimistic because to do otherwise was simply too painful.

While Tony and Holly were worrying thousands of miles apart Jethro was unaware of anything. The surgeon, Dr. Taft, and his team were not accustomed to failure but Jethro was testing all their skills and patience. The bullet had done a lot of damage as it exploded into his body and tumbled around wreaking havoc as it went. Miraculously, there was only minor damage to the heart but a piece of shattered rib had nicked his lung and because of severe blood loss the kidneys were barely functioning. There seemed to be blood coming from every place but this surgeon was good and progress, although painstakingly slow, was being made. Dr. Taft really wanted to get Jethro off the table but every time he thought they might be ready to close they found something else that needed to be repaired. Jethro had already coded twice and the doctors didn't want to bet on him surviving another complete shut down. Finally, just over three hours after they had opened him up, Dr. Taft stepped back and allowed his assistant to begin the closing procedure.

In the hallway outside the operating room, Tony was too tired to pace anymore so he was slumped down on the floor, his back to the wall. He heard the door open but was too scared to look up. Dr. Taft simply slid down the wall and sat opposite Tony with his knees up, elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. He was exhausted.

Tony finally looked up and said, "So doc, what's the verdict?"

"He's alive. He lost an incredible amount of blood and there was considerable damage in there but he's hanging on. Of course the next few hours will tell the tale."

"He's tough. Will he make it?"

"He better. I hate to lose. He's got to want it and judging by the fact he flatlined twice and came back both times I think he must. I give him a better than even chance but we've got a ways to go yet."

"Thanks, Doctor. He's a fighter so he'll do all he can. Got a really great, beautiful woman waiting for him if that helps."

"It sure can't hurt. The leg was not too bad. I had our ortho look at it. The bullet broke the bone but it was relatively clean. Not sure how that happened but we're lucky there. He's not going anywhere on it anytime soon so it will have a chance to heal up. I'll have someone find you when we have him settled in the recovery area."

Dr. Taft got up and reached down a hand to Tony. A very tired but slightly encouraged Tony took the offered hand and allowed himself to be pulled to his feet. He had a call to make.

"Tell your people he's stable at the moment. Give us twenty-four hours and if he's still alive then, we'll know more about his chances."

"Thank you."

Tony trudged off to find Joanna Teague and to call the Director. He found Agent Teague in the comm center talking to her contacts in Iraq. She looked up at him expectantly and hung up the phone.

"Well?"

"He's alive. Lots of damage and blood loss. Doc said twenty-four hours will tell us more. He thinks he has a chance at least. Those your guys?"

"Yes. They still haven't located the leader but they have the kids in sight. I'm thinking we might as well go ahead and pick them all up."

"Why not? They won't lead us to the guy anyway but they might have something on them or one of them might talk. We definitely need to get Luke wrapped up. I want him for shooting Gibbs. I don't care if he is a kid."

"I agree. I'll tell my guys to go ahead and round them up and hold them somewhere safe and secure."

Tony got on the phone to NCIS and quickly had Director Vance on the phone. He repeated exactly what Dr. Taft had told him. Then he told him what Agent Teague suggested about the kids.

"I agree, DiNozzo. Get them picked up and on their way home. I want you back there so you can interrogate some of them before they're on a plane."

Tony hated to leave the ship because he knew Gibbs could still go anytime but he also wanted to do his job which was what he knew the Boss would want. He told the Director he'd go back with Joanna. He just wanted to see Gibbs before they left.

"I understand. You know what to do Tony. I'll tell the others. Make sure someone there has my numbers in case….well, just in case."

"Roger that. He's going to make it."

By this time Holly had worn herself out pacing and was on the couch staring at the television. She and Ducky spoke occasionally but they were both lost in their own thoughts and silent prayers. When Ducky's phone vibrated on the coffee table Holly jumped. She stared at the phone afraid for Ducky to answer it and at the same time impatient to hear the news it would carry.

Ducky too was a bit apprehensive but he answered nonetheless. He listened intently as the Director relayed DiNozzo's message word for word. He thanked him and closed the phone putting it back on the table.

"Jethro survived the surgery. He is not out of danger of course but the doctor seemed to think he had a better than even chance of recovering. Tony told Director Vance the doctor said there was considerable internal damage and Jethro lost a lot of blood but he is fighting. Apparently he coded twice but came back which is a good sign. It means he's doing his part."

Holly didn't know what to say. She tried to absorb all that Ducky was saying and keep a clear head but she was once again on the verge of panic. It all sounded dreadful and scary and she wanted so much to be with Jethro. She looked at Ducky and tried to read his expression but he was much like Jethro; very hard to read when he wanted to be.

"What do you think Ducky?"

"It's difficult to say without knowing exactly where the wound is. Suffice to say, a chest wound is never minor. He was on the table for about three hours which is not unreasonable but is a long time. The main concerns now will be infection and the possibility they will have to go in again should he start bleeding again. I imagine they will have him heavily sedated for some time to allow the body to begin healing itself and replenishing the blood supply. I'm afraid it is just a waiting game now."

"Ducky, I know you probably need to go to work. I'm fine here. Like you said, all we can do it wait. Don't worry about me. Go to work and call me when you know anything."

"I hate to leave you my dear."

"I'm fine Ducky. Really. Just promise me you'll call as soon as you have any news. And could you find out how I can call and speak to Jethro when he's awake? Do you think the doctor will talk to me?"

"I will call you the instant I have news. I will speak to the doctor myself and tell him you are Jethro's emergency contact, which you are by the way along with myself, and tell him he may share any information with you. And, I'll see that when Jethro is able to handle it, you are able to call him."

Holly stood up and walked to the door with Ducky reluctantly following her. They hugged and Holly thanked him for coming so quickly.

"May I stop by on my way home this evening?"

"Of course, I'd like that. In fact, come for supper. It will give me something to focus on this afternoon."

"If you're sure. I would enjoy that. I'll see you about six."

"Okay, thanks again Ducky. Jethro and I are lucky to have you in our lives."

"I feel the same way my dear. Try to keep a positive thought."

"I will. See you this evening."


	7. Chapter 7

.

 **To Retire or Not to Retire**

Chapter Seven

Weeks later Holly would not be able to tell you how she passed that day or any of the next few days for that matter. Ducky came for supper but had no real news. Jethro was holding on. That was all they knew. The next day and the next were the same. No change; he was still critical. Finally, on the morning of the fourth day Ducky, who had been getting his updates from a Corpsman, spoke directly to Dr. Taft who told him Jethro was awake and alert and knew what was happening. Ducky asked him if he thought Jethro could manage a phone call from Holly.

"I think it might do him some good as a matter of fact. I'm a little worried about his mental or emotional state. He's just sort of going along with whatever we say which I understand is not his usual style."

"I don't know who you've been talking to but that is correct. Jethro is a notoriously bad patient. If he's not already asking to leave then something's wrong."

"I spoke with Agent DiNozzo yesterday. He told me Agent Gibbs hates hospitals and rarely stays as long as his doctor wants him to. Of course he is a long way from leaving but he seems very complacent to me."

"Then I'd ask you to send a photo so I can be sure you have the right man there. Seriously though, I'd like for Ms. Snow to be able to talk to him. I think it will help. Any idea when he might be transferred stateside?"

"I want to keep him here another three days probably. I think he'll be strong enough by then to handle the flight home. We'll have to get him to an airport where he can be put on a transport equipped to fly patients home. I suspect we'll take him to Baghdad and fly home from there. As to the lady calling, can you arrange that in about three hours?"

"Yes, absolutely. Shall I have her call this number?"

"Yes. I'll be sure Gibbs is awake and rested enough to talk. You know, Dr. Mallard, Agent Gibbs fought hard to get this far but he seems to have lost his determination for some reason. I hope this lady can help."

"She can, believe me. What you are telling me is concerning but not completely unexpected at this stage of the process, correct?"

"Yes, often patients who have had to struggle to simply survive are so worn out by that they simply don't have enough left to keep fighting. That's when we lose someone we thought was going to make it. I damn sure don't want to see that happen to Gibbs."

"It won't. Ms. Snow will get him straight. Thank you doctor, we'll call in three hours."

Dr. Taft was right to be concerned about Gibbs. He was tired. They had been weaning him off the sedation for the last two days and he was in pain a good deal of the time now. He didn't tell anyone of course because he hated the idea of becoming dependent on drugs. He had seen that happen too many times and he was determined it would not happen to him. He knew what had happened, who had shot him and where he was. Holly was almost constantly on his mind. He hoped Ducky had gotten to her first with the news. He wanted to go home but he was just so damned tired. Many times a day he just wanted to go to sleep and drift away.

This near death experience wasn't like the drowning he'd experienced a few years ago. He didn't see Shannon and Kelly; didn't hear their voices urging him back. He wondered why. The only person he "heard" from was Mike. Jethro didn't know if he was awake or asleep; drugged or unconscious but he sure recognized the voice of his first boss at NCIS.

" _Damn Probie, you got yourself in it this time."_

" _Go ahead and say it Mike."_

" _Say what? I just came to tell you to keep fighting. That pretty lady you have waitin' for you is worth the fight."_

" _I know you're aching to say 'I told you so'. About the kid."_

" _Yeah, well I figure you don't need that now. You know what happened. Doubt you could have changed it anyway. That's not what's important now anyway. Look, I know you hurt and it's going to be hard but you gotta keep fighting it Jethro. I don't want you here yet. You finally got a good one and you got lots of good years ahead of you with her. Don't you mess that up. You hear me Probie?"_

" _I hear ya Mike. Awful tired though. Not sure I have enough left this time. Not when I know who's waitin' for me there."_

" _Bull, you listen to me. They'll be here years from now. Holly needs you at home. You need to think about her; not yourself. Don't give up on this, Jethro. You got a chance for a lotta good years with a beautiful woman who for some unknown reason loves you. There was a time you'd have cut off your own arm for a chance like that. Don't start feelin' sorry for yourself. Suck it up Marine and get yourself right. Don't make me come back here and headslap you."_

" _Thanks Mike. I love you too."_

" _Hell, don't go getting all mushy on me."_

Lying in a hospital bed in the bowels of an aircraft carrier Jethro tried to do as Mike had instructed. He tried to suck it up and get himself together. The problem was he couldn't really DO anything. All he could do was lie there and wait. Waiting was not his strongest skill. As a sniper he had been able to lie in wait for a target for hours or days if necessary but this was different. Waiting to feel better, to get stronger, was excruciating. Maybe if Holly was there it would be better. Maybe when he got off this ship and home to a hospital it would be better. But now he couldn't even hear her voice. He was stuck thousands of miles away, on a ship with no idea when he was going home. Try as he might, holding onto positive thoughts was nearly impossible.

One problem was Jethro knew what was waiting for him as his recovery progressed. He knew about the pain, the frustration, the inability to do even the most mundane tasks for himself. This wasn't his first experience of being wounded and he dreaded the coming weeks. On top of that he hated the fact that Holly was going to be thrust into the role of his caretaker. Her life and her job were going to be completely disrupted. Hell, it already had been. It wasn't that he thought she'd resent all that it was just that he didn't want her to have take care of him. He was supposed to take care of her after all, not vice versa.

Jethro was trying to shift around and get more comfortable in the bed when Dr. Taft walked in. He helped Jethro get situated then looked over the chart and listened to Jethro's heart and lungs.

"How are you feeling this afternoon, Gibbs?"

"The same."

Dr. Taft kept expecting questions about when Jethro could get off the ship and home but they didn't come. His patient was worrying him and the good doctor decided now was the time to bring that up.

"Gibbs, why haven't you asked about going home?"

Jethro kept his eyes on the ceiling and asked, "When can I go home?"

"Very funny. But since you asked, I hope to get you off the ship and back to the States in three or four days."

"Okay."

"I've heard you rarely stay in a hospital the recommended time. Yet, you seem oddly disinterested in your own recovery. Frankly, I'm worried about you Jethro."

The use of his first name caused Jethro to look over at his surgeon. The man looked almost as tired as he felt.

When Jethro didn't respond Dr. Taft carried on in a calm but very serious voice.

"You know, Jethro, patients who have survived as traumatic a wound as you have sometimes fight so hard to survive the surgery they just don't have enough fight left for what comes next. They want to survive but they can't. With others they struggle to get off the table, survive the surgery and then the struggle is just too hard and they give up. That's when I come in one day to find they've wasted all my rather substantial skills and died on me. I hope you don't plan to do that. I spent almost three hours in your chest and abdomen putting you back together. Then most of the last four days making sure you weren't in terrible pain and that you would live to appreciate my efforts. If you're not up to what it will take to get home and back to your life I wish you'd tell me now so I can quit working so damned hard to save your life."

Jethro closed his eyes and fought back tears of frustration, fear and pain. He had been blocking out thoughts of going home because it seemed so far away it hurt to think about. He wanted Holly. He wanted to go home. He wanted the pain to go away. Walking on the beach holding hands with Holly, enjoying the house that was finally a home again, making love to Holly; it all seemed too far out of reach now. He had never felt like this before and he didn't understand what was wrong. He didn't understand why he wasn't bouncing back like he used to. Like Mike wanted him to.

When he thought he could speak without breaking down, Jethro looked at Dr. Taft and said, "I want to go home. I'm not going to die on you."

"Good. I know you're not much of a talker and I appreciate that but I've found that sometimes with this kind of trauma it helps to talk to someone. The good thing about being on this ship is I'm about the only one you have to talk to. No social worker is going to come in and offer you counseling. I've been inside you where no other person had ever been so you can tell me anything."

That got a small smile from Jethro which was very encouraging to Dr. Taft.

"Who told you I'm a bad patient?"

"DiNozzo and your friend Dr. Mallard."

"You talked to Ducky?"

"Yes, he's very concerned about you. Calls here every day to check on you. I just spoke to him personally for the first time an hour or so ago as a matter of fact."

"Anyone else?"

"I've spoken to your Director. Just medical stuff. I also hear you have a beautiful lady waiting for you at home."

"DiNozzo again."

"Yes. And Dr. Mallard. In fact she's going to be calling you in a couple of hours if you're up to it."

Jethro couldn't stop the smile that creased his face at that news.

"I'll be up to it."

"Do you have questions for me, Jethro? I know you've been injured and wounded before but I don't think anything quite this serious. Right?"

"Yeah, nothing this bad. All my parts gonna work alright?"

"Yes. All your organs are intact and as far as I can tell functioning just fine. Your kidneys are working, your heart and lungs are fine. I removed a small part of your liver and some of your colon and your spleen but otherwise you are all there. The bullet missed your heart by the tiniest of margins. All in all you were lucky. Mostly lucky there was a medic nearby. Your main problem was blood loss."

"What about my leg?"

"The bullet fractured your femur but the break was miraculously clean. That's another reason I want to get you home as soon as we can. You're going to need surgery on the leg but I wanted you to be stronger before they did it. I couldn't have the ortho in with me so it had to wait. The delay won't matter though."

Jethro reached up and scrubbed his hands over his face. He liked this guy; he seemed to be a straight shooter and Jethro appreciated that. He figured this doctor had seen his share of pretty gruesome stuff and probably a lot of really messed up guys. Maybe he'd be able to tell him what was wrong with him.

"You said you were worried about me. Why? Is there something you're not telling me about my condition?"

"No, medically you're doing better than I expected when I first saw you. I've seen lots of bad wounds but you were in bad shape when you got here. I'm worried about where your head is. You coded twice on the table. You fought really hard in there and I was very encouraged by that. But in the last two days I've noticed you're not continuing to progress. You've shut down and that scares me because from here on out your recovery is almost entirely up to you. Can you tell me what's going on?"

Jethro took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. It was a huge leap of faith for him to open up to someone he barely knew but he sensed he could trust Dr. Taft.

"I don't really know. In the past I've always been ready to go as soon as I woke up. I've never had a problem doing whatever it took to get back. I don't understand what's wrong with me. It's not like I don't have a life I want to go back to. In the past that was the case but not now. I have a wonderful woman waiting for me at home. I love her and I want to be with her. I don't understand why for the last couple of days I've wanted to just give up and drift off."

"You were in a coma right?"

"Two actually. And I've been shot before, been blown up."

"So you know what's ahead in terms of recovery. It's not a piece of cake. Jethro, your body suffered a tremendous trauma. You watched a young boy, a boy you had tried to help, shoot you in cold blood. You found yourself lying in the dirt in Iraq essentially bleeding to death. What you experienced while you were unconscious and on the operating table basically dying twice, we don't really know. I know what your physical body went through but what your mind experienced we don't know. Maybe you do but I'd bet you don't remember much of it."

"One time I drowned before DiNozzo pulled me out of a car and revived me. I saw and heard my late wife and daughter. Not this time. Nothing."

"Does that worry you?"

"I don't know. At that point in my life I wanted to stay with them. Now I have someone here I want to be with. Maybe that's why."

"Could be. My guess is what you've been through in the last couple of days is simply the result of being overwhelmed by the trauma of what happened. I know I keep using that word but it's really at the root of what's going on. Your physical trauma we've dealt with. Now you're dealing with the emotional and psychological trauma of what happened to you. Ducky tells me it's been a tough year for you and your team. And that you're about to retire. You have had a lot to deal with, Jethro. Don't be too hard on yourself. Give yourself time and let your lady help you."

"Yeah, that's another problem. I hate the idea of her taking care of me. Always have had a problem with that."

"If she was hurt or sick would you resent taking care of her?"

"Of course not. I love her."

"Then show her you respect that she loves you too. Let her do for you what you would do for her."

"You're pretty good at this talking stuff, doc."

"Unfortunately I've had a lot of practice. Why don't you get some rest and I'll come back in time to make sure you're awake when your lady calls."

"Thanks doc."

"You're welcome. And Jethro, take the pain meds. You won't get addicted and you'll get better faster if you're not fighting the pain all the time. Trust me on that."

"Okay."

Jethro closed his eyes and relaxed for the first time in days. Maybe he wasn't crazy. He had to admit he'd never been as scared as he was lying in that street looking at DiNozzo yelling at him and feeling his life draining away. Now he wanted to trust that Dr. Taft knew what he was talking about and that he was really going to be okay. He really, really wanted to talk to Holly now and tell her he was coming home. He realized that for the first time since he had watched Luke shoot him he believed he was going to see Holly again. Sleep came easily then and was uninterrupted by dreams or visits from the dead.

As soon as he could after talking to Dr. Taft, Ducky called Holly and told her the good news about her calling Jethro. He gave her number and told her when to call. Ducky didn't say anything about the surgeon's concerns because he believed talking to Holly would take care of most of what was bothering Jethro.

Getting the go ahead to call Jethro was what Holly had been waiting days to hear. She did her best to stay busy but she couldn't concentrate on much of anything except watching the clock. Finally it was time and she settled on the bed, wearing one of Jethro's tee shirts that he had left in the bathroom. It still smelled like him and she wore it part of each day just to feel closer to the man she loved. She looked at the notepad with the number on it and quickly punched in the number. Through the magic of twenty-first century technology a phone rang thousands of miles away in the sick bay of US Navy aircraft carrier.

"This is Dr. Taft."

"This is Holly Snow. I was told I could speak to Jethro Gibbs at this number."

"You certainly may. Just a moment."

Dr. Taft smiled at his eager patient and handed him the phone. "Talk as long as you want."

"Thanks Doc."

Jethro took the phone and Dr. Taft stepped out .

"Holly?"

"Oh Jethro."

That was all they could say for a moment. Hearing each other's voices stirred such strong emotions for both of them they had to take a second to get it together.

"Hey, beautiful. I'm doin' okay. I'll be home in a few days."

"Jethro, I love you. I wish I could be there for you. I miss you so much."

"I know. I love you. Ducky told you what happened?"

"Yes, he came over right away after the Director called him. I had been up for hours because I woke up suddenly at about the time this was happening to you. When I saw him in the driveway I knew something bad had happened. I was so scared I almost didn't open the door."

"I'm sorry, Holly. I never wanted you to have to deal with anything like this."

"I know. It's okay. Ducky has been wonderful. He's kept me informed every day. Oh, Jethro, it's just so good to hear your voice."

"Yeah, good to hear you too. What about work? You're still at home right?"

"Yes, I'm here. I'm doing a lot by phone and Skype. Everything is good there and they're managing quite well without me. Maybe too well."

"I doubt that. Once I'm home and on the mend you should go back and I'll join you as soon as I can."

"I'm not going back without you. I'm not leaving you until you're one hundred percent."

"That could be a while, babe."

"I don't care. Nothing is more important than you and I and you getting back in shape."

Holly felt herself about to cry and she didn't want to do that with Jethro on the line but she also didn't want to hang up. She decided he'd know sooner or later how emotional she was so she kept on.

"Jethro are you really okay? Ducky said it was pretty bad."

"I promise I'll be fine. It will take time but all my parts are working. I'll have to have surgery on my leg when I get home but that's all. Don't be afraid of this Holly, it'll be okay."

"I was afraid you wouldn't come back."

Jethro thought he knew what she was talking about and he wanted to set her mind at ease.

"You mean like the drowning?"

"Yes."

"Holly, listen to me. That didn't even happen. I never saw them this time. The only person I've seen is Mike and he told me to get back to you. I admit it's been hard the last couple of days but I want to see you so bad. I'll be home I promise. You're going to be putting up with me for a long time."

"I want that more than anything. I want to get my hands on you and never let you go."

"Sounds good. Hey, tell me about the weather or the traffic or just anything. I don't want to hang up. I want to hear your voice some more."

Holly talked about the weather, about what she wanted to do in the yard for the fall, about Mrs. Richards next door and her new dog. She told him what was going on in Tampa and at the shelter in DC. She talked about anything she could think of until finally she was out of small talk.

"Jethro, is Tony there with you?"

"No, Dr. Taft said he left to go after Luke and Daniel Budd."

"I hate that you're there alone."

"I know. Dr. Taft has been great though. And I'll be home in a few days."

Holly could tell he was getting tired.

"You need to rest. How about if I call again tomorrow at the same time?"

"Yes, do that. I love you babe. Talk to you tomorrow."

"I love you too. Rest and get better."

Jethro hit the end button and closed his eyes. Hearing Holly's voice had been the best medicine he could have gotten. He replayed the conversation over and over in his head until he fell fast asleep.

The next three days were better for Jethro. He rarely felt the depression he'd experienced in the previous few days. He still hurt a lot most of the time but it was getting better. He took the pain meds he was offered more often but still not every time. Holly called every day after that first call and those few minutes made the day bearable. Finally, four days after Holly's call, Jethro was transferred by helicopter to Baghdad for a flight home. Dr. Taft accompanied him as his rotation on the carrier was at an end. Jethro was glad he was there; it was nerve-racking to travel on a hospital gurney still connected to wires and tubes. He slept most of the way to Andrews AFB but he was awake when they finally arrived at Walter Reed hospital in Bethesda. Jethro knew Dr. Taft had talked to Ducky about when they expected to arrive so he expected Ducky and Holly to be at the hospital. He could barely contain his impatience to be settled in a room so he could see them.

Even though he had done nothing but sleep and lie in bed the traveling seemed to have worn Jethro out. He was awake when they loaded him into an ambulance for the drive to the hospital, slept through the drive and woke up again as they wheeled him into the hospital. After being confined in the sickbay of the carrier for so long, the noise and smell of a real hospital were oddly welcome. Then Jethro remembered where he was and that he hated hospitals. He knew it was daytime but he had no idea what time it was.

"Hey doc, what time is it anyway?"

"Almost two o'clock. Don't worry, they'll be here."

Jethro smiled. Dr. Taft was pretty good at reading his mind. But he figured since all he'd talked about for two days was seeing Holly it wasn't hard to know what he was thinking.

"As soon as you're settled in a room I'll find them. I don't want you to wear yourself out but I know you will. Just remember, you're getting that leg fixed tomorrow afternoon."

"You sure I'm in shape for that?"

"Yes. It's not a long procedure. I'll be in there just in case but don't worry it will be fine. I'm not going to let some ortho screw up one of my prize patients."

"Thanks doc. For everything. I don't think I've said that yet but thanks."

"You're welcome Jethro."

After what seemed like forever Jethro was finally alone in a hospital room. He was still hooked up to monitors and an iv but for the most part he was doing very well. Talking to Holly every day had helped tremendously, the shooting was ten days in the past and Jethro was moving toward his future. He felt stronger every day and was taking less and less pain medication each day. He hoped to be out of the hospital and home within the week. After all, his patience could only last so long.

Dr. Taft found Holly and Ducky in the lobby. He knew immediately who they were; Jethro had not been exaggerating when he said Holly was beautiful. No wonder he had been in such a hurry to get home.

"Dr. Mallard, Ms. Snow, I'm Dr. Taft. So good to finally meet you."

"You too, Doctor. How is Jethro?"

"He's doing well. He's finally in a room so I'll take you to him."

Holly spoke, "I wanted to thank you for all you've done for Jethro. And for the phone calls."

"Just doin' my job but you're welcome. Jethro fought very hard to survive and I'm quite sure you're the reason he did so. He still has some difficult days ahead of him but he's definitely on the road to recovery."

"What do you mean when you say difficult days?"

"Well, he will have pain for some time to come. He is very reluctant to take pain medication so he'll be dealing with pain for a while. It will be several weeks before he gets his strength back to the point where he can do whatever he wants to do. I have a feeling that will be frustrating and difficult for him. He is not a patient person and particularly not with himself. The longer you can get him to take it easy the better it will be for him in the long run."

Ducky had been smiling and nodding his head as Dr. Taft spoke.

"Jethro is a notoriously difficult patient. In fact, I'll wager there are nurses in this very hospital who will testify to that. He'll want to be out of here in the next few days is my guess."

"I don't expect he'll be here for more than four days, five at the most. He doesn't need nursing care now but I want to make sure he handles the surgery on his leg alright and I want to be very sure he's strong enough to go home before I release him. A lot of hard work went into getting him this far; by myself and Jethro, so I don't see any reason to rush things."

"When could he travel? We have a place in Florida and I'd like to get him down there where he can truly rest and recuperate in peace and quiet."

"I don't see him on a commercial flight anytime soon, I'm afraid. He'd be too uncomfortable. I wouldn't recommend it in less than a month. Remember, he was very nearly dead in the street about two weeks ago and actually dead on my operating table twice that same day. Yes, he's recovering but as I said, he has a ways to go yet."

Holly was disappointed with that news but nothing was going to dampen her mood today.

"I understand. Thank you for your candor, Doctor. Now, if I don't see Jethro in the next few minutes I'm afraid I might blow a gasket. Can we go?"

Ducky and Dr. Taft laughed, "Yes, come on."

As they approached Jethro's room, Dr. Taft considered warning Holly that Jethro still looked pretty rough but he decided she wouldn't care anyway so he held his tongue. He was pretty sure this lady didn't scare easily and wouldn't be put off by the fact that the man she loved looked a little worse for the wear.

Ducky stopped at the door Dr. Taft indicated was Jethro's room.

"You go in and I'll wait a few minutes before I join you."

"Thank you Ducky."

Without hesitation, Holly opened the door and walked in. Jethro was lying in a bed on her right. She looked at him for just a moment before she approached, not sure if he was awake or not. She had expected more wires and tubes so she was pleased to see Jethro was attached to only a few. He looked tired and it was obvious he had lost a lot of weight but as far as Holly was concerned he looked great.

As soon as she came near the bed Jethro opened his eyes and looked over to see her coming. He smiled at her and she couldn't help the tears that suddenly appeared in her eyes.

"Hi beautiful."

"Hi yourself."

Finally she could do what she'd been longing to do since she heard he was shot; she could touch him. Holly leaned down and kissed him on the mouth. She lingered there, barely touching him but he thought it was the sweetest kiss he'd ever had. Jethro brought his hands up to frame her face and hold her close. Holly moved her lips gently over his face and then gave him what he really wanted which was a proper kiss. He participated as best he could under the circumstances which turned out to be better than he'd expected. Eventually they had to pull back and take a breath.

"I'm so damn glad to see you. Seeing you is what has kept me going for the last week. You'll never know how much it meant knowing you were here waiting for me."

Holly carefully sat on the edge of bed and grasped Jethro's hand in hers. She looked him over and decided he was still the most handsome man she'd ever known. He needed a shave and a haircut and to gain about ten pounds back but to her he looked wonderful.

"I wanted to be on that ship with you so badly. I hated that you were so far away and out of my reach. But that's over and you're here and I'm not letting you out of my sight. I know this is a silly question but how do you feel?"

"Better every day. I'll be out of here in a few days I think. I can't wait to get home and start really getting better."

"I've been told you're historically not a very good patient."

Jethro just shrugged and gave her his patented smirk. Then he got a serious look on his face. He pulled her down for another kiss.

"I do have a well deserved bad reputation as a patient. But that's in the past. Things are different now. I'm different. Besides, I don't have any reason to be in a hurry now; not going back to work anyway."

Holly noted his tone was very somber at that last statement.

"How do you feel about that?"

"It's okay. Was about to retire anyway, remember. Tony will catch the bad guys now. They'll do fine. I was ready and this just seals the deal. On the bright side, I'm saving a lot of annual leave which I'll get paid for and using sick leave which I would not have been paid for."

"Ducky's outside. Shall I go get him?"

"One more kiss first."

One more turned into two but finally Jethro let her go.

While Holly and Jethro were getting reacquainted, Ducky took the opportunity to talk with Dr. Taft.

"Tell me Doctor, how is Jethro doing, really?"

"He's doing well as I said. I was concerned before he started talking to Ms. Snow but since she's been calling he's done much better. His injuries were extensive as you can probably imagine. I'm sure you've had plenty of victims on your table that had sustained the same wound that Jethro suffered. He coded twice on the table and I was actually on the verge of calling it the second time when he finally came around. I'd say it was nothing short of a miracle really. We kept him sedated for the next two days and then slowly let him wake up. I don't expect him to have any permanent damage. The leg will be fine probably but I'm not an ortho so I don't want to make any promises there. We'll see how that goes tomorrow."

"How long do you expect him to be here?"

"At least three days, more likely four I'd say. I want him really on the mend before I send him home. Let's not kid ourselves, Dr. Mallard, Jethro is not a young man and he was very seriously wounded. I want him able to eat and get some strength back and I want the risk of infection to almost nil before he goes home."

"I couldn't agree more but I will tell you he is not a good patient."

"I know. He and I have talked about that and he knows I'm very firm about this. I expect he'll try wheedling and cajoling but trust me, I'm immune."

"Good to know."

At that point Holly came out and told Ducky Jethro wanted to see him. Ducky shook hands with Dr. Taft and followed Holly back into Jethro's room. Ducky went right to Jethro and gave him a hug as best he could.

"My friend, I am more than happy to see you. You gave us a real scare this time, Jethro."

"Sorry 'bout that Duck. Good to see you too."

Holly went to the other side of the bed and sat in the chair reaching out to hold Jethro's hand. She saw some of the old sparkle come into his eyes when he talked to Ducky.

"So, Duck did Dr. Taft give you any information I need?"

"From what he's told me you are a very lucky man."

Ducky didn't want to talk much about what Dr. Taft had said in front of Holly. He wasn't sure she really wanted or needed to hear any gory details.

"He expects you to be here for about four days so just prepare yourself for that."

"Yeah, I know. I was hoping for three or four but he's pretty set on five at least. Let's see what things look like in three days; maybe he'll reevaluate."

Ducky laughed and said, "I doubt that."

The three friends visited for about an hour and then Ducky said he needed to go. Holly was going to stay a while longer so they said goodbye and the lovers were alone together.

"I know you're tired and I should go but I just hate to leave you."

"Just stay until I fall asleep, okay?"

"Yes. What time is your surgery tomorrow?"

"Not until the afternoon."

"I'll be here in the morning. And every morning after that until you come home. And all the days too."

"I'd like that. Don't wear yourself out though. You know when I come home it'll be tiring for you. I'm not going home until I can at least do some stuff for myself."

"Don't worry about me. I'm tough. We'll work all that out as we go. I want you home as soon as possible."

After several heartfelt kisses and some very welcome touches Jethro fell asleep with Holly holding his hand. She watched him for a few minutes then kissed him softly and left.

The next morning Holly arrived as Dr. Taft was coming out of Jethro's room. She was glad she caught him because she had been giving some thought to how Jethro would manage when he went home.

"Doctor, do you have a few minutes? I'd like to talk to you about Jethro and his going home."

"Yes, I have time. What's on your mind?"

"The house we live in is two stories. The bedrooms are all upstairs. I'm assuming Jethro will be on crutches for a while. You see where I'm going with this?"

"Yes. He will need crutches most likely for some weeks but I'm not sure he'll be strong enough to use them much. He almost surely won't be going up and down stairs. I doubt he'll want to be upstairs exclusively either and I don't want him sleeping on a couch or something downstairs. Any possibility you could put a bed downstairs?"

"Yes, that's possible. I have another idea though. The house we're renting in Florida is on one level. Right on the beach in St. Pete. I'd like for Jethro to be there. I know you said a month before he could fly commercially but what if I can arrange to get him there on a private jet?"

"Then I'd say do it. Winter in Florida sounds like a much better idea than winter here. I might even have to come check on him while you're there. Seriously, if you can arrange it that it would be great. Can you make this happen?"

"I most certainly can. I suspect the SecNav might be willing to fly Jethro to MacDill. If not, I have other resources."

Holly smiled at him and Dr. Taft could understand why Jethro was so anxious to get home. He knew who Holly was of course, but had not let on to Jethro that he did. He was quite sure Holly knew more than one guy who would be happy to get her and Jethro safely to Florida.

"When you know for sure you're going let me know and I'll arrange for a friend of mine a MacDill to follow up with Jethro after you've been there for a few weeks. He'll need physical therapy for the leg too I imagine but we'll check that with the orthopedist. And, I'll need to have the address. Just in case I'm in the area, you know."

"You would be most welcome anytime. In fact, I insist you come for a visit. I'll never be able to thank you enough for saving Jethro. He's a special person and I don't want to imagine life without him. Thank you for all you've done."

"You're very welcome. Jethro has remarkable strength and courage and I'd say he'd lucky to have you. As I told Dr. Mallard yesterday, Jethro really started improving as soon as he spoke to you the first time and it continued right along with you calling every day. You played a big part in his recovery to date."

"Thank you for telling me that. It means a lot. I was so desperate with him so far away. At least the phone kept us connected a little bit. I'll let you know our plans. Thanks again, doctor."

"You're welcome. I'll see you both this afternoon."

When Holly entered the room, a nurse was just finishing her checks and Jethro was sitting on the side of the bed.

"Sorry, should I wait?"

"No, come in. We're finished aren't we, Lisa?"

"We are. Good morning. You must be Holly. Gibbs has been anxious for you to arrive. I'll get out of your way. Check you later Gibbs."

"Thanks, Lisa."

When the nurse had gone, Holly stepped up between Jethro' knees and carefully wrapped her arms around him. It felt awfully good to be in his arms even under the circumstances.

"You make friends fast."

"Lisa has been here for ages and she and I met about four years ago when I was here for something, I don't even remember what. Anyway, she saw my name on the patient list and insisted she had to be my nurse. She's a great nurse."

"And very pretty." Holly looked at him with a raised eyebrow and the smiled.

"Yes, she is but not nearly as beautiful as you. I sure like the feeling of you holding onto me. How about a kiss?"

"By all means."

Pretty soon Jethro needed to lie down so Holly helped him get comfortable then she sat in a chair next to the bed and held his hand. Because of his upcoming surgery, Jethro couldn't have any breakfast and he was hungry.

"I haven't really wanted anything much to eat but since I can't have anything this morning all of a sudden I'm starving."

"It's all in your head you know."

"Sure isn't anything in my stomach."

"I'm sorry. Let's talk about what we're going to do when you're out of here. I want us to go to Florida as soon as you can travel."

"Doc said a month probably."

"I have another idea. I talked to him in the hall before I came in. He said you could go anytime on a private jet. In fact he more or less recommended it. So, I'm thinking SecNav owes you a flight to Tampa. What do you think?"

"I think it sounds like an excellent idea. Are you going to ask her or let Leon do it?"

"What do you think would be best?"

"Why don't you go ahead and ask her. If you need Leon to back you up I'm sure he'll do it."

"I won't. She likes you. She'll be happy to fly us down there. Or you at least."

Jethro laughed. "Don't worry, she'll be happy to have you go along too. She likes you almost as much as she likes me."

Holly punched him very gently on the arm.

"Speaking of the Director, have you heard from anyone at NCIS? How's Tony?"

"Leon called this morning early. He'll be here shortly in fact. He wants to update me on the case and see how I'm doing. He never believed I was going to retire but he does now, I guess."

"I'm surprised Abby hasn't been here already."

"She called too. One of the other teams has a bad case going so she's swamped. She said she'll be here for sure tomorrow. I told her that would be better because this afternoon is out."

They talked for a while then Jethro closed his eyes and fell asleep. Holly had to remind herself that even though Dr. Taft said Jethro was doing well he was still recovering from a terrible ordeal and still needed a lot of rest. She was content to sit with him, watching him sleep for as long as he needed her to. Jethro slept for about an hour and when he woke up Holly was still there, still holding his hand. It was the best feeling he'd had in a long time. About fifteen minutes later Leon arrived so Holly stepped out to stretch her legs and let them talk about the case in private.

"You doin' okay, Gibbs?"

"Yeah, you know how it goes. Slowly. Lots better to be here."

"Do you want an update or are you okay with just letting this go?"

"What do you think?"

"Okay, DiNozzo and Joanna scooped up Luke and several other teenagers and they're back here in a juvenile detention facility until it can be determined what, if anything they can be charged with. I doubt any of them, with the obvious exception of Luke, will be held past today. They've been here for three days already. Their parents are clamoring for us to let them go."

"They're gonna need some pretty close watching to be sure they don't go back to the Calling."

"Well, I'm expecting the Calling won't be in business much past the next day or two. DiNozzo and Joanna are on Daniel Budd's trail and I figure he's got at the most, two days before he's caught. He better hope it's DiNozzo who gets him first and not Joanna Teague."

"I hope she gets there first and he tries to flee. She won't hesitate to put a stop to that."

"No she won't. Off the record that would be the preferred outcome. I expect the US Attorney will want your input about Luke. You got any thoughts on the boy?"

"You know, Leon, he's just a mixed up kid under the influence of a terrorist. I sure don't think he needs to be locked up forever. Did anyone find any family that could take him?"

"His mother had a sister who lives in South Dakota. We made contact with her and she and her husband are on their way. I'm hoping they'll be willing to take him if the US Attorney will agree to some intensive counseling and probation and supervision. They live on a farm, fairly isolated but prosperous. Might be a good place for him to get his life back."

"Yeah. That sounds promising. I'd like to talk to him Leon."

"I thought you might. You'll be here for a few days I'm guessing. I'll arrange it after we talk to the aunt and uncle and see what the attorneys come up with."

"Thanks. I guess you'll believe me now when I say, I'm retiring."

"Yes, I believe you. I'm very glad you're getting the chance to retire."

"You know, Leon, I never expected to be able to. I always figured it would end like it almost did in Iraq. I'm damn lucky."

At that moment Holly walked in and Leon laughed and said, "In more ways than one."

The surgery on Jethro's leg was routine as Dr. Taft had predicted. The delay had been a bit longer than the orthopedic surgeon would have liked but he told Jethro afterward that everything went well and he expected no permanent impairment. He explained Jethro would need to wear a brace for several weeks and there should be minimal weight bearing for two weeks. He explained the bullet had barely nicked the bone and he suspected Jethro's fall was what actually broke the bone. All in all the outcome was a good one.

The next two days were spent in the dull routine of being in the hospital. Jethro continued to improve and started some physical therapy on his leg to keep the knee in good working condition. His pain was manageable for the most part and he resisted taking any medication that tended to make him drowsy. He felt like he'd slept enough in the past two weeks and he wanted to be awake as much as possible.

Four days after he'd arrived Dr. Taft came to see him late in the morning. Holly was reading the paper and Jethro was watching Sports Center. He turned off the television hoping to hear he was going home the next day.

"Well, my friend I think we're going to have to let you go pretty soon."

"Good. I'm ready."

"Yes, in many ways you are. I will have some very strict instructions that I expect you to follow for the next six months or so. You absolutely must not rush your recovery, Jethro."

Holly was paying close attention. She fixed Jethro with her most serious look and said, "Oh he won't. He will be the best patient you've ever heard of. Won't you, babe?"

"Yes, ma'am. Don't worry, Doc, I'm retired remember. Nothing to rush for now. Well, nothing but this beautiful lady right here."

"Exactly and let's talk about that for a minute. I know you will be anxious to get back to your life when you get home and alone but don't rush things. By things I mean sex. And don't be surprised if, when you think you're ready, you can't perform as you're used to doing. It may take time. Maybe not but don't worry if it does. Am I making myself clear?"

"Yeah, doc, I don't need a diagram or anything. I get it."

Unlike Jethro, Holly was not shy about discussing this topic so she asked, "You're saying while there is nothing wrong with Jethro, it may take a while before he can get and keep and erection. Right?"

Holly saw Jethro roll his eyes and she ignored him.

"Yes, exactly. It's all a question of blood flow and since his insides were completely manhandled and abused it can take a while for things to get sorted out."

"Anything in particular we can do to help that along?"

Jethro choked and sputtered and again, Holly ignored him.

Dr. Taft was enjoying his patient's discomfort. He smiled at Holly and continued to play along with her.

"Just be patient. Intercourse may take a while but other activities are certainly not out of order. I guess I'd say extended foreplay would be a good idea until you see how it's going."

"Okay you two, enough talk about my sex life. Or lack thereof. When can I get out of here?"

"Day after tomorrow, in the morning. Are your plans to stay here or go to Florida?"

"Now that I know when we're able to go I will get it worked out but I think our plan is to spend maybe one or two days here and then go. Right?"

"Yeah. I'd kinda like to see my house for a day or two. Maybe see a couple of people and say goodbye since we'll be gone for a while. I'll stay downstairs. The couch is perfect, don't worry. We need to make some arrangements since we'll be gone for a few months. We can start on that today in fact on the phone."

"Good. I will set up an appointment for you with Dr. Paul Franklin at MacDill for six weeks from now. If you have any problems or questions call him right away. He will have all your records. He's a good guy and he'll take good care of you. I'll see you two tomorrow morning."

Once Dr. Taft was gone Jethro told Holly he needed to call Leon. He hadn't told her he was going to meet with Luke.

"Leon, I'll be out of the hospital day after tomorrow in the morning."

" _I can get Luke over there tomorrow morning if you still want to see him."_

"Yes, that'll be fine. Ten o'clock okay?"

" _We'll be there."_

Holly eyed him, "What's going on?"

Jethro reached for her hand and she had a feeling she wasn't going to like what he was about to say.

"I asked Leon to arrange for me to see Luke. He's bringing him here tomorrow at ten."

"He's here? In DC? When did this happen?"

"He's been here about a week or so I guess."

Jethro went on to tell her all he knew about the situation with the kids and about the aunt and uncle who might take Luke to South Dakota if the US Attorney approved the plan. Holly had nothing to say for a long time. Jethro gave her time to process the idea. They had not talked about the actual shooting yet or about his feelings about Luke. Or her feelings either.

"Don't feel like you have to be here. If you don't want to see him I completely understand. You certainly don't have to and it's okay. This is something I just have to do though, Holly. I have to tell him I forgive him so maybe he can move on and have a life."

Holly didn't say anything. She simply leaned down and kissed him.

"Jethro, you never cease to amaze me. You are truly the best man I have ever known. I will be here if you want me to or I will let you do this on your own. I support you in this and I'm very proud of you for doing it."

"I'd like for you to be here. I want Luke to see I have a life and he didn't ruin it. I want him to see he can have a life too; that his life isn't ruined either."

"I love you Jethro. You are a good man."

"Thank you. I love you more than you will ever know."

The next morning Holly arrived early and brought Jethro some clothes. He had said he didn't want to meet with Luke wearing a hospital gown and he was tired of the damn things anyway. With Holly's help he managed to sit on the side of the bed and pull on some sweat pants and a tee shirt. He convinced her to let him stand up on his good leg for just a few moments. It felt good to be out of bed and upright for the first time in too long. While he was standing up Lisa walked in and gave him a warning look.

"You better not be standing on that left leg, Gibbs."

"I'm not. Sorry, but I couldn't resist the chance to get off my back for at least a minute."

"I know. It's been a long time for you in that bed. As long as you have help go ahead and stand up every now and then as you feel like it. Just don't put any, and I mean any, weight on that leg or Dr. Jameson will have your head; and mine too."

"Don't worry, he won't, at least not while I'm here. And you better not try this unless Lisa or I are here."

"Geez, two women telling me what to do. Maybe I ought to go back to work where I was the boss."

Holly and Lisa both laughed. Jethro leaned back on the bed and Lisa helped him get settled again.

"I hear you're leaving us tomorrow. Good for you, Gibbs. This was a close call from what I've read. I'm glad you're going home. And retiring too. You deserve it."

"Thanks, Lisa. Hopefully, this will be my last visit here. At least as a patient."

"I hope so. I'll check back later. Good to see you Ms. Snow."

"You too Lisa. And please, call me Holly."

Leon arrived right on time at ten o'clock with an MP escorting Luke and his aunt and uncle. Holly stood by the head of the bed and Leon led Luke to stand near Jethro's hip. The MP stood at the door and Luke's aunt and uncle nervously stood by the window.

Jethro reached up for Holly's hand and she laced their fingers together.

"Hi Luke. Are you okay?"

The boy looked like he'd been through a rough time. He was pale and even skinnier than before. He had a kind of dazed look on his face that proved he had no idea what to expect from this visit.

In a small, scared voice he finally answered.

"I'm okay. I'm sorry Gibbs."

Then he started to cry. His small body shook with sobs he couldn't control. Jethro sat up and held his hand out and Luke fell against him. Holly saw Jethro wince but he shook his head and took his other hand from hers and held Luke while he cried. Everyone in the room was fighting to keep from crying. Holly and Luke's aunt were not winning that fight. Holly put her hand on Jethro's back gently rubbing circles to support him.

Jethro repeatedly told Luke it was okay and that he wasn't angry with him. He told him he was going to fine and he didn't want Luke to worry about him anymore. Finally, Luke took a shuddering breath and stood up. He wiped his eyes with his shirtail. Jethro held onto Luke's hand.

"Everything is going to be okay, Luke. I'm going home tomorrow. I want you to know I'm not mad at you. I forgive you."

"You do?"

"Yes. I know you didn't really want to kill me. You were doing what Daniel told you to do. He messed with your mind and convinced you to shoot me. Right?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry. I didn't want to but he said if I didn't you were going to take me home and put me in prison. He said you would say I was a terrorist. I was scared. He killed my parents didn't he?"

"Yes, he did. You don't have to worry about him anymore. Tony's gonna catch him and he's the one going to prison. He's the terrorist, not you."

"What's gonna happen to me?"

Jethro looked at Leon and then at the aunt and uncle. Leon shrugged as if to say it wasn't decided yet.

"I don't know for sure. You want to go live with you aunt and uncle?"

"Yeah. They have a farm. We visited once and I like it there. They have horses and cows. I could learn to drive a tractor. I want to get away from here."

"That's what I want too. I'm going to talk to some people and we'll see what we can do. I do need you to promise me something though."

"Okay. I'll do anything for you Gibbs. I'm so sorry I shot you. Tony said you almost died and I started crying and got sick. Promise me you're okay."

"I'm okay, I promise. Now you promise me you'll stay off the internet unless it's for school work. And the only adult you talk to will be someone your aunt and uncle know and approve of. Promise?"

"Yes, I don't even want to get on a computer. When I move can I call you?"

"You better. And you promise you'll do your best in school and do chores and all that stuff?"

"Yes. Thank you for not being mad at me. For forgiving me."

"You're welcome, Luke. One more thing I want you to do. I want yo to forgive yourself. Sometimes that's the hardest thing to do but it's really important. I know. You have to let this go pretty soon and get on with your life. Okay?"

"I will."

During all this conversation it was as if no one else was in the room. Jethro and Luke were focused completely on each other. Now, Luke looked at Holly and then back at Jethro.

"That's Holly. Holly, this is Luke."

Holly reached across the bed and shook hands with Luke.

"She your girlfriend?"

"Yes, she sure is."

"Pretty. I'm sorry about all this ma'am."

"Thank you Luke. As Jethro said, everything will be okay now."

Luke stepped back and motioned for his aunt and uncle to come meet Jethro. After all the introductions were made and Luke's aunt thanked Jethro for meeting with them Leon said it was time to go.

"If you all will wait in the lobby I'll be down in a few minutes."

When everyone else was gone Jethro asked, "Is the deal gonna go through or not?"

"It is. The US Attorney is going to call you or come see you today if that's alright. He just wants to hear from you directly that you're okay with Luke going to South Dakota."

"That's fine. I'll be here all day."

"Are you heading to Florida?"

"Yes, probably on Tuesday. I want a couple of days or so at home first. We need to get things organized you know to be gone for probably three months at least."

"Okay. SecNav said she will make her plane available to you whenever you're ready. Can I tell her Tuesday for sure?"

Jethro looked at Holly who nodded and said, "I don't see why not. That gives us four days at home counting tomorrow. Maybe about eleven o'clock or just whenever is most convenient for them. The time certainly doesn't matter."

"She'll be calling you once you're home. She wants to talk to you before you're officially retired. Which won't be until you're cleared off medical leave by the way."

"Thanks Leon. I have the sick leave to cover the next month or so?"

"Of course. When did you ever take a sick day Gibbs?"

"Right. Not lately I guess."

"Okay, I need to get back to the office. I don't expect I'll see you before you leave. Take care and don't be in a hurry. We'll talk I'm sure. You're still on the payroll so I may call you from time to time to pick your brain."

"That'd be fine. Thanks for everything Leon. I'll see you after the first of the year."

Holly gave Leon a hug and walked to the door with him.

"Thanks for arranging everything with SecNav. We appreciate all you've done the last couple of weeks."

"Take care of him. Let me know if you need anything."

"I will. Bye."

When Holly turned back around to Jethro she could see the meeting with Luke had taken its toll on him. She stood next to him and took his hand in hers and leaned down to kiss him.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. I'm glad I did that but it was hard. I do forgive him but dammit that kid almost killed me. He almost took me away from you. I've always expected to die in the line of duty but not at the hands of some twelve year old kid. I hate that he was so poisoned by that dirt bag Budd that he actually shot me. Twice."

Holly hadn't heard this much emotion from Jethro since he'd come home and she was glad he was finally voicing how he felt. She had been worried that he was keeping too much bottled up.

"Jethro tell me what happened that day."

"No. I don't want you to have those images in your head."

"I already have them there. Probably worse than what really happened. You need to get this out and I need to hear it from you. Not from Ducky or Tony; from you. I need to know you're really moving past it. I don't think you will do that until you talk about it."

Jethro was silent for a long time. He closed his eyes and took some deep breaths. Holly was right; he needed to tell her what had happened. He had to trust that she could handle it.

"Sit up here with me."

Jethro scooted over and Holly sat on the bed on his right side to avoid his injured leg. He held her hands and began.

"Tony, Joanna and I were looking for a group of teenagers we had been told had been seen in this market area. I followed a young girl and stopped her. I was talking to her when I heard someone call my name. I turned around and Luke was standing there. I saw Tony a ways back on his phone. I started to say something to Luke. Maybe I said his name I don't remember, and then he raised a gun at me. My instinct was to reach for my weapon and I started to but then I stopped. My mind said, he's just a kid, you can't shoot a kid. Then he shot me in the leg. I couldn't believe it. The pain was excruciating and immediate. I started to say something, I stumbled and then he shot me again. I don't know what he did next because I fell over."

Jethro was talking very quietly. Holly rubbed her thumbs on the backs of his hands. She leaned in and gave him a quick kiss but she didn't say anything. She knew he needed to go on without her interrupting.

"I remember Tony yelling at me and then Joanna was there. I could feel myself shutting down. I remember thinking I wasn't going to see you again. Then nothing. I know I hurt. I don't remember the medics getting there or the helicopter or any of that. I don't think I ever woke up again until after the surgery. I remember Mike being in the room later and talking to me."

Jethro reached for his water and took a drink. He scrubbed his hand over his face and smiled at Holly.

"Okay?"

"Yes. Go on if you want to."

"Next thing I remember is being in the sickbay on the carrier. Dr. Taft was there talking to me when I woke up. I guess I'd been out for a couple of days. The next few days were tough. They kept me pretty doped up but I was hurting all the time anyway. At least it seemed that way. I got pretty down after about three days. I guess I'd never been hurt that bad and I couldn't figure out why I wasn't bouncing back like I thought I should. Doc said I had fought really hard through the surgery and he thought I might be giving up. I didn't feel like I was but I wasn't trying very hard either. Then you called and things got better."

"I wish I could have been there for you. I was so scared when Ducky showed up and then it was just waiting and waiting for news. You wouldn't have given up Jethro. That's not who you are. You would have pulled through but I'm glad I called and glad it helped you."

"You're right I wouldn't have given up because I knew you were here waiting. But I'll tell you, it would have been a lot harder without hearing your voice every day."

"For me too. Just hearing you and knowing you were going to come back to me was such a relief. Let's not do all that again, okay?"

"That's fine with me. Now, I think we've covered that all I want to for now at least. How about a kiss or two and then I need to sleep."

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

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 **A/N:** This is the last chapter. Thank you to those who reviewed, commented and/or made this a favorite.

 **To Retire or Not to Retire**

Chapter Eight

The next morning Dr. Taft arrived at eight o'clock with Jethro's discharge instructions. He made Jethro promise he would take it easy for at least a month. Then Jethro convinced him and Holly that he could manage crutches from the car to the couch and didn't need a wheelchair at home. Holly said okay because she already had a wheelchair in the trunk of the car.

When they finally pulled into the driveway Jethro almost cried he was so glad to be home. He just sat in the car and looked at their house. It still pleased and thrilled him to refer to it as 'their' house instead of 'his' house. He did manage with crutches, to get inside and to the couch. The sweet feeling of being home was overwhelming. Holly helped him get comfortable then brought him the mail that had accumulated while he was gone. She had gone through it already but there were some things in there just for him. She brought down some linens and Jethro's pillow so he could sleep comfortably on the couch. She was very glad they had brought that part of the sectional from the condo because it was wide and long and he could sleep there very comfortably. They had done it plenty of times in the past.

On Saturday Abby came for a visit and reminded Jethro how to Skype so they could stay in touch while he was in Florida. She was sad to find out Jethro was retiring but she had been expecting it for a while. She was just so glad he was alright and that he was happy that she could get used to the retirement idea. Abby told him they would have a proper farewell when he was officially retired and nothing Jethro said could dissuade her. When she left it hit Jethro that he wouldn't be seeing her again for months. That was something he hadn't experienced in almost fifteen years and it was going to be hard to get used to.

Holly noticed he was very quiet after Abby left. In the back of her mind she was a little worried about the emotional effects of the shooting, recovery and retirement all happening at the same time. She reminded herself to pay as much attention to Jethro's emotional state as his physical condition for the next few months.

By Monday Holly had everything organized in terms of the house for them to be gone. Ducky would be checking on the house regularly and Mrs. Richards next door would also keep an eye on things. The mail was being forwarded and she had set up the bank account so she could pay the bills online so that was all taken care of.

Jethro was moving around on the crutches more than Holly thought he should but she decided to pick her battles and that wasn't one she wanted to fight. He couldn't stay on the couch forever he said and he was right. Monday morning he made it to the backyard and sat on the deck for almost an hour. Being outside felt wonderful and did him a lot of good. He was about to come in when Tony appeared at the back door.

"Hey Bossman whatcha doin' out there."

Jethro turned around and smiled at his senior agent. He was very glad to see Tony after all this time.

"Just enjoying the day. Come join me."

Tony stepped out with two cups of coffee Holly had given him when he showed up in the kitchen.

"I'm glad to see you lookin' so good Boss. Much better than the last time I saw you."

"Thanks. You alright DiNozzo?"

"Yeah, I'm good. We got him, Boss. I should say Joanna got him. He pulled a gun on her and she shot him right in the heart. Or where one would be if he'd had one."

Jethro was relieved. He had known Budd's time was limited with Tony and Joanna Teague on his trail. He was glad Ned's mom had been able to avenge her son.

"Good job Tony. I knew you two would find him."

They were quiet for a while and then Tony said, "Vance says you're retiring for sure."

"Yeah. I was ninety-five percent already and this sealed the deal. It's time. You're more than ready to be the team leader. You'll do fine."

"Abby know?"

"Yeah, she came by on Saturday."

"I don't know what to say. You're more of a father to me than Senior ever was. I owe you everything I am as an agent."

"Tony, you were the best I ever trained. Most of what makes you a good agent you had inside you before we ever met. I was lucky to get you when I did and I've never been disappointed in you as an agent. Or a person. I'm very proud of you, Tony. Just keep up the good work and you'll be fine."

Tony grinned at him. "The best huh? Better than Jenny?"

Jethro laughed. "Let's not go there."

Holly announced lunch was ready and Tony helped Jethro back into the house. They talked and laughed over lunch and then Holly left to run some errands and Tony and Jethro talked all afternoon. Tony gave him a detailed account of the hunt for Daniel Budd and Jethro filled Tony in on what was done about Luke. Tony admitted he'd wanted to kill the kid himself after Jethro was shot but he was glad it had worked out as it did. Tony asked if he could call for advice for a while and Jethro said he could but he didn't think Tony would need much help. He told him to lean on Ducky and Tim and Abby and he'd be fine.

As Tony prepared to leave he turned serious. "It's gonna be pretty strange not to have you around, Boss. When I saw you lying in the street back there I was convinced it was all over and I didn't have a clue what I was going to do without you. Now you're here but I still don't know what I'm going to do."

"Tony, just go to work and work the cases you get. You will be so busy you won't miss me after a while and that's the way it should be. I felt the same way when Mike retired. I hadn't worked for anyone else and I didn't want to. But, you just show up and do the work and pretty soon that's what's normal. You'll be fine. Just be yourself, Tony. For god's sake don't try to be me. You're better than that. And don't take as long as I did to find the right woman. You can do the job and have a life at the same time. My only regret is that I didn't show you that sooner."

"I'll remember that. I'll remember it all. I love you Gibbs and I'm very, very glad you're okay."

"I love you too, Tony. We'll talk. Remember, just keep doing the work."

Tony left and Holly came home a few minutes later to find Jethro sound asleep on the couch.

On Tuesday morning Ducky arrived to take them to Andrews Air Force Base where a jet was waiting to take them to MacDill AFB in Tampa. The ride was mostly quiet with Ducky concentrating on the traffic and Jethro thinking about the fact he was never going to work another case for NCIS. The agency had saved him during a dark and scary time in his life and he was only now beginning to grasp the fact that he wasn't going back to it after he recovered. It was a sobering thought and Jethro wasn't prepared for the emotions he was experiencing.

Holly was pretty sure Jethro was having second thoughts about retiring. He had been very quiet after his visit with Tony and that had continued right up until now. Knowing this wasn't the right time to bring it up she kept her thoughts to herself. They would have plenty of time over the next few weeks to sort out what Jethro was feeling and what he wanted to do about those feelings.

Ducky also suspected his friend was having second thoughts. He was quite sure however those would dissipate as Jethro's recovery progressed and he could see past his current situation. Ducky had been supportive of Jethro retiring from the beginning and he certainly hadn't changed his opinion. He planned to have a few words with his best friend before Jethro and Holly flew off to the sunny Florida. They arrived at the Air Force Base in plenty of time and while Holly and an Airman loaded their bags Ducky helped Jethro out of the car.

"I wonder if I might have a quick word, Jethro."

"Sure, Duck, what's on your mind?"

"You actually. I have the feeling you are questioning your decision to retire. Am I right?"

"Oh hell Duck I don't know. My mind is a mess right now. I admit I'm having a hard time accepting that I'm done. I thought I was ready but now I'm not so sure."

"I'm not surprised. NCIS has been your life for such a long time it will hard to step away. But remember why you wanted to do so in the first place. You wanted to spend your time with Holly. Enjoying life and not worrying about exactly what you are now recovering from. You have been through hell in the past couple of weeks, Jethro. Give yourself time. Your emotions will be all over the place for a few more weeks as you regain your equilibrium. Be patient and above all, talk about what you're going through. Holly strikes me as a very strong person and she undoubtedly will be a huge support for you. Let her help you deal with what's going on in your head."

"I will Duck. Listen, I'm going to be calling you. I'm going to need your counsel going forward."

"We will talk regularly I'm sure. Between you and I, Jethro, I'm not far behind you when it comes to retiring. In fact this is my last year. Now, I see your lady is waiting. Take care my friend. I'll see you soon. I may need to escape our cold weather and pay you two a visit before long."

"I'm counting on it. Thanks for everything Duck. That doesn't begin to cover what I want to say but we'll save that for later."

"Yes, over a drink some day. Oh, I almost forgot; your letter to Holly."

Ducky pulled the envelope from his pocket and handed it to Jethro.

"I thought for a day or so I might have to give it to her. Thank God I didn't."

"Amen to that. You could have just thrown it away."

"I thought you might want to give it to her someday. Perhaps some day when she's particularly put out with you for some reason you don't understand."

Jethro laughed and the two men embraced. Ducky couldn't help the tears that formed in his eyes as he watched Jethro make his way slowly up the stairs into the plane. He knew that something very special that he had been part of for many years was over. It saddened him but also brought him joy because he had every confidence that his friend was going to have many wonderful years with a woman he loved very much.

The trip to MacDill was quick and uneventful. Jethro studied Holly as she sat reading in the seat across from him. She looked tired and he knew he was the cause of most of that. He also knew better than to say so. He hoped when they got settled she would be able to catch up on her rest and eventually go back to work. She enjoyed working and he didn't want her to feel like she had to be home with him all the time.

"What are you thinking about over there?"

Jethro lied a little and said, "How much I'm looking forward to sleeping in the same bed with you."

"Ah, yes that is a happy thought. Won't be long. I have missed that very much. What else are you looking forward to?"

"You mean besides the obvious?"

Holly smiled at him. "Yes besides that."

"The smell of the gulf. Watching the water. Sitting on the porch with you in the evening. Touching you all over. Waking up with you."

"Happily we are on the same page; as usual. I hope you're okay with us being in Florida for a few months. I realize I more or less planned this without asking you."

"It's what we were planning; just starting a little earlier. I'm fine with it, Holly. I want you to go back to work pretty soon."

"I will. Maybe a few days a week to start. Or half days. I know you won't want me hovering."

Jethro got a serious look on his face. "There are some things I need to sort out in my head. May take a while and I may not be very nice to be around sometimes. I apologize for that in advance. It will be good for you to have an escape."

"I understand and I forgive you in advance. I don't expect the next few months will be all peaches and cream, Jethro. You have a big adjustment to make and this ending of your career didn't exactly happen the way you planned it. You and I can work out anything that comes our way. You believe that don't you?"

"Yes, I do. There's just so much unknown ahead of us it worries me a little bit."

"Think of it as an adventure. An adventure you're going on with someone who loves you and trusts you and wants more than anything for you to be happy."

"Well when you put it that way I don't see anything to worry about."

Late that night Jethro was sitting on the porch listening to the surf and almost asleep in a very comfortable lounge chair. Holly came out and pulled a chair around to sit next to him. She had taken a shower and was wearing only some tiny shorts and a tank top. Jethro woke up when her delicious scent reached his nose.

"Umm you smell good."

"Thank you. Are you about ready to come in?"

"Yeah. Can you give me a hand?"

"Sure."

Getting up and down was very challenging still so Holly had to help him stand up. Once he was steady they made their way inside and to the bedroom. Jethro went to brush his teeth and get ready for bed. When he came back Holly was waiting with a pain pill and a glass of water.

"I want you to take this tonight. You've been moving around a lot today and you need to sleep better than you have been."

"I will with you beside me. But, you're right I do need the pill tonight."

As they settled in bed, sleeping together for the first time in much too long, neither one of them could keep their hands to themselves. Luckily, Holly slept on Jethro's right side so she wasn't against his injured leg. She rolled on her side and very carefully ran her hand over his chest. Jethro sighed and she could feel him relaxing. She continued to touch him, softly caressing his chest and face, kissing him and whispering her love to him. Jethro ran his hands up her back and pulled her tank top off. Then he returned the favor by cupping her breasts and kissing each one over and over. Holly's hand drifted down and rubbed him through his boxers. It seemed Dr. Taft's concern about Jethro's ability to get an erection might be warranted based on his reaction, or lack thereof, to her touch. Holly never missed a beat. She kept stroking him and kissing him and then she took his hand and moved it between her legs. Jethro took the hint and began stroking her while she continued to do the same for him.

Jethro pushed her shorts down and leaned over her, pushing her onto her back. He kissed her hard on the mouth, taking her breath away as he slid two fingers inside her. He swallowed her moans of pleasure as he continued to drive her to the edge.

"Oh god, Jethro. More please, don't stop."

Jethro pumped faster and curled his fingers inside her as his mouth dropped to her breast and he pulled a nipple into his mouth.

"Come for me baby. Just let go."

And she did just moments later. Jethro continued to gently stroke her as she came back to earth and her breathing slowed.

"You haven't lost your touch, babe."

Jethro rolled onto his back and Holly leaned over him and kissed him.

"That was beautiful. Thank you."

"You're very welcome. Hopefully there is more to come pretty soon."

"There will be. I have no doubt. You're not worried about that are you because it's perfectly normal considering what your body went through."

"I know. It's just never happened before. What if…?"

"Don't. You're exhausted Jethro. Your body has been through hell and this is the first time we've been together in months. You'll be fine in no time."

"Okay, I won't worry about it yet."

Holly snuggled into this side and they were both asleep in minutes.

The next few weeks went by without incident. Jethro had physical therapy twice a week for his leg and that was progressing nicely. He expected to be fnished with that after a month. He was taking very little in the way of pain medication and was able to eat most anything he wanted. Best of all, after two weeks he was able to make love to Holly just as he had before. Needless to say that was a welcome development for both of them. Jethro went for short walks on the beach by the third week using just one crutch for support. He found a rec center and gym just down the street and by the fourth week they were there he was swimming every morning and doing some light weight work. He promised Holly he wasn't overdoing it. His six week checkup was looming and Jethro was anxious to see if he would be released from medical leave and therefore, technically back on active duty. If so, he would have to request annual leave or submit his retirement papers to make his decision final. That was just about all Jethro thought about as he churned through his laps in the pool every morning.

About a week before the big checkup Holly began to sense a change in Jethro. He seemed a little withdrawn and even bad tempered on occasion. Of course she asked if anything was wrong and Jethro always said no. She didn't want to push him; experience in their early days told her that was never a good idea, but she was becoming concerned that he was keeping something from her. She carefully watched him for any signs he was having physical difficulties but he seemed fine in that area. In fact, with all walking on the beach, the swimming and working out he looked better than he had before he was shot. His appetite was good and their sex life was back to being very good. Still, she knew something was off. She just didn't know what or how far off "it" really was.

Holly wasn't the only one to notice Jethro was having a hard time. He knew it himself. He could feel himself shutting down whenever Holly tried to get him to talk about their future. He knew he was being a jerk at least once a day. Talking to Ducky seemed to help for a day or two but then he'd start to question his decision again and it would start all over. Jethro was beginning to think he was losing his mind. One day he wanted to retire and spend his days with Holly doing all the things they'd talked about and the next day he missed NCIS so much he knew he wanted to go back. But he couldn't go back could he? He'd told Leon he was retiring. He'd made sure Tony got the team. He didn't want to be away from Holly for weeks at a time. So what the hell was wrong with him? The frustration of not being able to put all this out of his head was driving him crazy. As often happened frustration was turning to anger and unfortunately, he was taking it out on Holly.

The day of the checkup finally arrived and because it was a Monday, Holly was at home. She had expected to go with Jethro but he was being such a bastard that morning she wasn't sure it was a good idea.

"Do you want me to come with you? I was thinking we could go out for late lunch when you're through."

"I can go by myself."

"I realize that. I just thought….oh never mind. Go by yourself."

Jethro wasn't the only one frustrated and Holly's response showed just how upset she was with him. She had been very patient for weeks while Jethro worked through pain and difficult days and now that he was feeling good she was getting tired of his bad attitude. Holly had never really seen Jethro's legendary "the-second-B-is-for-bastard" side but she'd heard stories and now she was beginning to understand what they were all about. After that brief exchange Holly walked out of the house and down to the beach. She sat down in the sand and stared out at the endless water. She thought she knew and understood Jethro so well but she really didn't know what was going on with him these days. As far as she knew he had come to grips with the idea of retiring and was past that crisis. The idea that he was now unhappy with that decision; a decision she had been a big part of, made her afraid for their future. If Jethro resented her for her part in his decision and he was unhappy with the decision then their future suddenly looked precarious.

Holly had every intention of going back to the house in time to go with Jethro in case he changed his mind but she didn't. The idea that they might be falling apart because now Jethro didn't want to be retired terrified her. The more she thought about it the more convinced she was that was the problem. Holly prided herself on her toughness and her ability to weather any difficulty but the idea of losing Jethro was too much for her to accept. She just didn't have the courage to confront him yet. Instead of going back to the house she walked down the beach until she knew he would be gone. Then she went home and waited.

As soon as Jethro heard Holly leave the house and saw her head to the beach he regretted what he'd said. In fact, he wanted her to go with him but for some stupid reason he'd snapped at her and obviously hurt her feelings. He waited as long as he could before leaving but when he didn't see her sitting on the sand anymore he knew she wasn't coming back so he left. He cussed himself all the way to the hospital and when he parked he pulled out his phone and called Holly. She didn't answer so he left a message.

" _Holly, I'm sorry. I don't know what's going on with me. Please don't give up on me. I'll figure it out. I love you."_

Holly listened to the message as soon as it appeared on her phone. The idea that Jethro thought she might give up on him or them, surprised her. Had she given him some reason to think she would do that? Holly understood there was still a lot she didn't know about Jethro and how he thought but she had been sure he understood how much she loved him and how committed she was them. She needed some guidance and she knew that she needed to talk to Ducky.

The phone rang in autopsy and Ducky answered, "Dr. Mallard here."

"Hi Ducky, it's Holly."

"Well, my dear what a pleasant surprise. How is Jethro? Alright I hope."

"Yes, he's alright. Or mostly I guess I'd say. He's actually at the hospital for his checkup right now. Ducky, I need your help. Do you have time to talk to me?"

Ducky heard the concern in her voice and wondered what had happened. "Yes, of course. What's happened?"

Holly wasn't sure where to start so she started at the beginning. She told Ducky about how well Jethro had done and how hard he'd worked to get back in shape. Of course, Ducky knew most of that having been in touch with Jethro several times a week since he'd been in Florida. When Holly got to recent weeks however and described Jethro's sullen and withdrawn attitude Ducky realized his friend had not been completely honest with him. Finally Holly voiced her fear that Jethro resented her because she had played a part in his decision to retire. Then she told him what Jethro had said about her giving up on him.

"Ducky, I have no intention whatsoever of giving up on Jethro. For heaven's sake that never entered my mind. My fear is he won't want to be with me if he resents me. Has he said anything to you about not wanting to retire?"

"No, he has not. First let me say I am disappointed that Jethro has reverted to his old manner of dealing with his emotions. I'm afraid you are now seeing what has so often been his method of dealing with or more accurately not dealing with his feelings. Holly, I do not believe Jethro resents you at all. He made the decision to retire entirely without pressure from you. He knew at the time it was the right decision and he felt good about it. The fact that he has changed his mind or is questioning himself is entirely on him. That issue will, I believe, sort itself out given enough time. Remember, my dear, he is only two months or so past being on the verge of a sudden and violent death. I doubt he has dealt with that entirely just yet.

The more likely souce of his bad behavior is fear. Fear of losing you first and fear of not knowing who he is second. The bulk of Jethro's adult life is tied up in being Special Agent Gibbs. He has known nothing else except being a Marine since he was eighteen years old. Unlike most of us, his job was his life. He immersed himself in it to the exclusion of everything and everyone else. Now, he will have to find out who he is besides being Agent Gibbs. Only time will give him those answers. The fear of losing you is simply based on his life experience. You know Jethro very well. Who in his life whom he has loved has not left him in one way or another?"

Holly gasped at the realization of what Ducky had asked her. "No one. They all left him. That's what he expects isn't it?"

This was not an entirely new revelation for Holly but she had not thought about it in a long time.

"Yes, my dear I'm afraid it is. It's not a reflection on you; it is simply what he has always experienced. It goes like this, he withdraws into himself, usually in the past, over a bad case, he won't talk about his feelings, he drinks too much and spends all his time in the basement and eventually whomever has been telling him they love him can't take it anymore and they leave. Or, in case of our late Director, a career choice and then a tragic death ends their relationship. I'm not judging these women; Jethro is difficult. Being his friend or lover or wife is challenging to say the least. But, as you well know, it has it's good side too."

"Yes, it most certainly does. How do I convince Jethro I'm not giving up on him or us? That I'm going to stay."

"Start by telling him understand why he doesn't expect you to. Confront him on his behaviors and then tell him you refuse to be the one to leave. If he wants out it will be his choice this time. I guarantee you he will not make that choice. He loves you too much. He wants desperately to spend his life with you. He just doesn't trust the fates will allow it."

"Well, if he thinks he can drive me away by being a bastard he's got another thought coming. Thank you Ducky. I knew I could count on you to help me understand our friend. Come see us soon. In fact why don't you come down for Thanksgiving?"

"That sounds like a very good idea. I'll make the arrangements. Thank you for the invitation and for loving Jethro. It means the world to me that you are willing to fight for him. Good luck, my dear."

"Thanks Ducky. See you soon."

When Jethro was called into the doctor's office he was pleasantly surpised to see Dr. Taft there as well as who he assumed was Dr. Franklin.

"Hello Jethro."

"Hey Doc. Didn't expect to see you. Anything wrong?"

"No, I had some time off and decided to visit an old colleague who's retired here. Then I thought I might as well drop in and see how you're doing. This is Dr. Franklin by the way. He graciously agreed to let me sit in today."

"Hello, Agent Gibbs. Good to meet you. I must say you look in good shape."

"Doctor. I feel good. Been swimming every day and doing some light weight work. Walking on the beach every day."

"Any pain anywhere?"

"No. Well sometimes if I'm tired I hurt but nothing I can't live with."

"How about the leg? Any stiffness or pain?"

"No. The leg is good."

"Okay, take off your shirt and let me have a listen."

Jethro pulled off his shirt and sat on the end of the examing table. He caught Dr. Taft studying him and wondered just how much his surgeon could read in his face. Dr. Franklin listened then prodded then listened again. He took Jethro's blood pressure and examined his leg.

During a lull in the exam, Dr. Taft asked, "How is Ms. Snow these days?"

"She's fine. Working four days a week. Still putting up with me for some reason."

"She's a strong woman to be able to do that."

Dr. Taft didn't fail to notice the way Jethro's face fell when he said that.

Dr. Franklin asked, "Any problems sexually, Agent Gibbs?"

"No. After about two weeks that was all good. So, what'd you hear in there?"

"Your lungs are clear, your heart is beating and your abdominal sounds are normal. If you are telling the truth about the pain then I'd say you're good. I will fill out the paperwork and send it to NCIS and you will be cleared for duty effective next Monday."

"Good. Thanks doc. Good to see you too Doc."

"Not so fast Jethro. You're buying me lunch."

"I am?"

"Yes. Thanks Paul. I appreciate your help. I'll call you tomorrow about golf on Sunday."

"No problem. Agent Gibbs, call me if you have any problems or questions."

"Thanks."

When the two men got outside, Dr. Taft directed Jethro to his car and he drove them to the Officer's Club for a late lunch. Once they were settled at a table away from anyone else Dr. Taft started his own examination of his patient.

"I was hoping to see Ms. Snow with you today, Jethro. She working?"

Instead of simply saying yes which would have closed off that area of inquiry, Jethro mumbled, "No."

A waiter appeared with menus and water. Jethro quickly ordered a cheeseburger and fries and Dr. Taft seconded that order. When the waiter had gone Dr. Taft went on.

"So, what's going on? And don't forget, I know you inside and out, old buddy."

Jethro smiled at him. That was their running joke and it always made Jethro smile for some reason. When he didn't answer Dr. Taft plowed ahead.

"You're cleared work but you are retiring aren't you?"

"Yeah. I just have to put in my papers. I'm actually going to be on leave for the next four weeks or so. Once that's all used up then my retirement will be official."

"You don't sound happy about it. Change your mind?"

"No. Yes. Depends on the day I guess."

"This is causing you a problem isn't it?"

"Yeah. It's like when I was on the ship. I can't get my head straight. I wanted to retire. Now I don't know if I should. But, really I already have. I've told my Director, my team, everyone that I'm retiring."

"So, what's the problem?"

The waiter brought lunch and Jethro took a moment to decide how much he wanted to tell Dr. Taft. He figured he might as well spill it all. He knew Dr. Taft was relentless when he wanted to know something.

"I don't know who I am if I'm not an NCIS Special Agent."

Dr. Taft sat back and grinned at him.

"Oh hell, Jethro that's easy. You're the lucky son-of-a-bitch that got Holly Snow to fall in love with him."

Jethro choked on the water he had just sipped. He didn't know whether to be insulted or proud.

"Listen my friend, you have a beautiful, intelligent, powerful woman in love with you. You survived an attack you had no business surviving. You got out of a very dangerous business practically unscathed even after two comas and I don't know how many other lesser injuries. You are not only a lucky man you are still young enough to enjoy the life you have left. And again, I say, with a woman who for some reason no one can explain, loves you. What the hell else do you want?"

Jethro studied the cheeseburger that had just been placed in front of him. He picked up a French fry and chewed thoughtfully. Dr. Taft was right. What else could he really, reasonably ask for?

"When you put it that way I guess there isn't anything else. Why am I making this so hard?"

"Hell if I know. Maybe you're just afraid to be happy. Lots of people are. Don't get down on yourself, Jethro. Two months ago you were practically dead. Now you're back in great shape and that takes a lot of hard work. Be as patient with yourself as you would be with Holly. Let her in. She can handle it. And you."

"Geez, doc you are smart. Thanks. Listen, is there anything I should worry about in terms of my injuries, you know, in the future?"

"No. Just don't get shot there again. That would probably undo all my good work and I doubt you'd survive again. Especially if I'm not there."

"I'll do my best."

The rest of lunch was more lighthearted and Jethro enjoyed himself immensely. When they got back to Jethro's car he didn't get out right away.

"You knew I'd need a pep talk didn't you?"

"I suspected. And, I wanted to play golf with Paul because I always win. Take care of yourself Jethro. It's been a pleasure."

"Thanks for everything Doc. I really appreciate your insight and your help."

"Go home and make up with that lovely woman you've got waiting for you."

"That's the plan."

When he got in his car Jethro checked his phone which had been on silent since he went into the hospital. There was a message from Holly.

" _Jethro, I'm so sorry I walked out on you today. That was wrong of me and it will never happen again. I love you. I have no intention of giving up on you. Come home, please. I love you."_

Jethro sat in the car and listened to the message three times. He thougth to himself, ' _she understands. She knows what I've been thinking even though I barely knew myself.'_ He left the parking lot and drove home determined to put all his doubts and fears behind him. Dr. Taft was right, what else could he want in life that he didn't have. Jethro knew the answer to that was not one single thing.

Stepping in the house Jethro called Holly's name but there was no answer. He checked the back porch and saw her beach chair was gone so he looked toward the beach and saw her sitting near the water in the shade of her big umbrella. Jethro quickly changed into shorts and a tee shirt, grabbed an envelope from his underwear drawer, two beers from the fridge and his own beach chair and headed off to make things right with his very own beautiful, intelligent, powerful woman.

"Hey, beautiful, is this spot taken?"

"Well I've been saving it for just the right man and I think that is you so please join me."

Jethro set his chair and handed her a beer. Before she took a drink, Jethro held his out to her and clinked them together saying, "to us." Holly smiled at him and said, "I'll drink to that."

They sat in silence for a long time, holding hands and each working out exactly what they wanted to say when the time was right. When his beer was gone, Jethro raised her hand to his lips and kissed her palm. He pulled the wrinkled, smudged envelope from his pocket and handed it to Holly. She saw her name on the front in Jethro's neat handwriting and had no idea what she was holding.

"I know I've been a real bastard lately and I apologize for that. I've kind of reverted back to old ways of acting and I want you to know I recognize that and I'm going to change. You have been so patient with me through all this and you don't deserve the way I've been acting. What you said in your message today meant everything to me. I can't lose you Holly. Whatever I do from now on you need to know I can't lose you. Whatever I need to change or do or not do, please tell me so I don't screw us up."

"Oh Jethro, I don't want you to change. I love who you are. The bastard and the prince. I will not leave you. You must trust me on that. I know you've been told that before and it was never true but this time it is. Now, what is this you've given me?"

"It's the letter I wrote to you before I went to Iraq. I always wrote a letter to Shannon when I deployed in case I didn't come back. That's what that letter is for. Ducky had it just in case. Sometimes I don't say things very well but Shannon always said I wrote a good letter. I always burned the ones like this I wrote her before I got home I but I wrote lots of others that she said were good. Anyway, if you want to read it there it is. If you don't it's okay. I just thought it might help me if you knew how much you mean to me."

"I want to read it. Is it okay if I read it now?"

"Sure. I'll just go get us another beer."

Jethro took the empties and walked back to the house. Holly took a deep breath and opened the envelope. She thought for a moment how close she had come to having to read this letter in their living room two months ago. She shuddered at the thought and began reading knowing she was going to cry.

 _Dear Holly,_

 _If you're reading this then something bad happened and I'm not coming home. I'm very sorry for that. You have to know that if I had time for a last thought it was of you and the life we were going to have together. I wanted that more than you can imagine. Being with you for the past couple of years has been magical for me. I never expected to find love so late in my life but with you I didn't stand a chance. You were a surprise and a delight in every way. We had some rough times getting our lives all sorted out but everything we went through together was worth it. Waking up with you, dancing with you, laughing with you, those things and so much more gave me more joy than I deserved._

 _I've screwed up pretty much every relationship I've had since Shannon died but I have a feeling you and I were going to make it. You matter more to me than I can explain. The trust you gave me meant everything to me, Holly. Thank you for blackmailing me into our first dinner together. And for calling me and not giving up on me when I wasn't brave enough to go after you on my own. To this day I don't understand why you kept after me but I have thanked God every day that you did._

 _I love you Holly Snow. Wherever I am now, I still love you. I love you so much that I want you to be happy again some day. I know it will take time but don't close yourself off. That's my specialty. Stay in the house or not, it's okay. Take care of yourself. Lean on Ducky and let him lean on you please._

 _All my love,_

 _Jethro_

Holly folded the paper carefully and covered her face with her hands. She didn't want people to see her crying and think she needed help or something. Jethro sat back down and handed her some tissues. When she could manage it she stood up and held her hand down for Jethro. He stood up and Holly fell into his arms. They stood together, holding onto each other for dear life. People walked around and past them but they didn't notice. After a few minutes, Holly stepped back and wiped her eyes again. Jethro handed her a beer and she took a drink. She sat down in the sand and Jethro sat behind her so she could lean back into his chest.

"That was the most beautiful letter I have ever read, Jethro. Shannon was right. Thank God I didn't have to read it two months ago."

"Amen to that."

"Jethro I know that everyone you have ever loved has left you one way or another. Except Ducky I guess. I know somewhere in your psyche you expect that to happen with us. It will not. You know the two reasons I'd leave you and since I know you will never cheat on me or hit me, you are stuck with me. I had a big long speech prepared in my head to convince you that I won't go. I don't think I'll use. There is one thing I can think of that might convince you I mean what I say. It might not mean as much to you as it will to me but I'm going with it instead of the long speech."

Holly turned around so she could look him in the eyes. She knelt in front of him, leaned in and kissed him until neither one of them had any breath left. Then she held his face in her hands and said,

"Jethro, will you marry me?"

The End.


End file.
